Older...Like You...

I came home from tutoring last night and was totally vegging out on the computer. I was checking out a new friend from Kindermusik who recently "friended" me on Facebook. Bill comes up behind me as I was checking out her "info." He notices some things about her work history and then checks out her birthdate. He proceeds to say, "Oh look, she's older...like you."

Really? You're never getting laid again! Hahahahahaaaaaaaa...don't mess with me!

Day #7 - I am Thankful for Making It Home In One Piece Tonight

Fog
Rain
Floods
Thunder
Lightning

I am thankful to be home.

Day #6 - I am Thankful for Wine

Someone said this "thankful every day" thing would get harder and it is. Not because I'm not thankful, but some of the things that I am thankful for seem trivial in the grand scheme of things. You know what though? So fucking what? It's my blog and if you don't like it, you can stop reading right now.

Let me just say that I am not under the influence of any alcohol as I write this post. I am wine free...willingly (can you believe it?).

I love wine. That being said, I am no kind of wine connoisseur (thank you spell check! I can't spell that word for the life of me!). I know very little about wines. I know what I have learned from working in restaurants, but other than that, very little. I have decided to list what I know about wine to prove that I am no poser (I just reread my list and it's more a list of what I like about wine rather than what I know about wine...again, not under the influence):

• I like wine in my glass.
• I like wine when I'm sitting on my couch.
• I like white wine...especially on hot summer nights.
• I like white wine, in the summer, out of plastic glasses...so classy.
• I like wine in most social situations (Kindermusik and storytime excluded for obvious reasons...and those reasons aren't that I'd be around kids and other Moms...it's because I have to drive, silly!).
• I know that you're supposed to drink red wine with steak and red meat. I do like red wine. I do not like the unfortunate stain you get on your teeth when you've had more than two glasses. It's a dead give away saying, "I'm a little tipsy and have no idea what an idiot I look like!" Smile. Smile. Grin. Grin. Lean. Lean. Giggle. Giggle. That's what red wine does to me!
  
• I know that you're supposed to have white wine with chicken and fish.
• I know that I love Voga Pinot Grigio and I mostly love it because it costs less than $10 per bottle.
• I like to have two glasses a night...not one, but two. It's a little OCD thing of mine. I like to do things in even numbers.
• I love to drink wine with my sister and my mother...we just get silly!

So, there you have it. All I know or like about wine. So, you might ask...why are you thankful for wine? Stay on topic, woman! I am thankful for wine because it provides me with my little oasis at the end of the day. I can pour that glass, sit on my couch, and watch my television all by myself. It signifies my finish...I am done for the day. I am off duty. My brain knows this isn't really true...what Mom is ever really off duty? My body, however, feels the release of the tension and relaxes into the cushions and appreciates that glass (or two) of cheap wine...and we...my brain, body, and yes, my heart, are at peace.

Trivial? Maybe, but it's my blog...my "little things" are what keep me going every day.

Day #6 - I am Thankful for Friends

This is going to be a pretty short post...not because my friends aren't important to me, but because it's late and I'm sleepy!

I've been thinking about my circle of friends lately. I don't have any girlfriends from high school...this is something that I regret a lot...I have also vowed to share this mistake with Hailey so that she doesn't make the same one. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but I'm pretty sure that I poured myself into my boyfriend and his friends and that caused me to lose my girlfriends. Anywoo!!!

My friends from college are awesome. There are about 6 of us that are still really tight. We are all over the map geographically and busy as anything, but we still find time to get together. It's hard now...people are working, taking care of kids, spending time with their families, and just trying to make it through. Whenever I hear one of them on the phone or get an email, I know it was an effort and I appreciate it a lot. I love those girls and cherish our friendships more than they know.

I have a lot of friends from my most recent teaching job. These are the friends that know me as an adult. That sounds weird...I'm an adult, but it's true. They got to know me in a professional setting and really understood what I was trying to do not only in my job, but in my life as well. A lot has been shared with these women and I can't believe I have been so lucky to find them. What a surprise!

Friends are something that none of us can get through this life without. There are times, staying at home, where I am very lonely. I wonder, "who can I call?" or "who can I talk to about nothing?" Usually, I resist the whim to make some meaningless call, but sometimes, I give in...and I'm always happy when I do!

Day #5 - I am Thankful for My Bed

I grew up with twin beds...I don't get why teenagers today have full beds, but I always had a twin (can you tell I'm a little bitter?). When I moved into a house in college, I "took over" someone else's abandoned full-sized bed...isn't that gross? Even worse? When I graduated and moved out, I took it with me. I seriously have no idea where that bed came from or how old it was, but it served me well for several years. I finally got rid of it (I think it broke in half or something like that). I had a full bed until we moved into our house.

At that point, Bill and I decided that we were, indeed, adults and deserved a bigger bed. We waited until we painted the master bedroom, ordered furniture, and ordered our first king size mattress. Alas, we ordered more furniture than we needed and our bedroom is totally overcrowded, but we have an awesome bed.

That bed has gotten me through aches and pains of initial renovations, many months of trying to conceive (fruitlessly...haha...get it?), several nights of crying myself to sleep thinking that it would never happen and that I was "broken," days of bed rest after egg retrieval and transfer, a leaning post if you will for the PIO shots in my ass (ouch!), and finally...after all that...we were pregnant. The IVF had worked...all of those shots and pills and suppositories had done their job. That bed held me and Bill as we stared at each other in disbelief...we were going to have babies.

After that, the bed became a place where I would enjoy many breakfasts in bed (made by my lovely husband) because I couldn't stop eating, several foot rubs, a lot of sleepless nights due to worry and excitement. It also became the place that I couldn't move in...I would finally get comfortable, wrapped around the body pillow, empty bladder, sciatica in check, and something would happen...a baby would kick, I would have an itch, I'd get a cramp...then the bed became a torture chamber. You see, I had indented this mattress with the shape of my body to the point where I couldn't get out of my divot...that's what I called it...my divot, but it was actually a hole that my ass had created. Let's be honest...I have no idea how big I really got during pregnancy, but I was definitely pushing 200 pounds...apparently 75 of them were in my ass! The divot was huge and I couldn't get myself out of it. This resulted in having to wake Bill up in the middle of the night to help me escape from my divot. I would be flailing around with some horrendous cramp...desperately needing to stand up to relieve the cramp, but stuck...like a turtle...in my divot.

The bed was also quite high...while I was pregnant, I lost the ability to crawl into bed on my own. I simply couldn't do it. We ordered a step-stool to help me on my journey and that thing lasted for quite a while...I finally broke it AFTER the babies were born when I wasn't pushing 200 pounds. Thank God I didn't have a baby in my arms...I nearly broke my ankle! Before we got the step-stool, Bill had to help me into bed by giving me a boost...ridiculous, right? My sister spent about an hour with me on that bed trying to get support hose over my hugely swollen legs/feet...we were laughing our asses off, but I couldn't really laugh because the sciatica hurt too much. I could only do this weird grunting sounds and cry my eyes out...half because the situation was so funny, but half because it hurt me so much!

After the babies were born, I spent a lot of time on the bed. I slept (thank God), nursed, ate, watched TV, napped, escaped, and prayed that things would get easier. That was a tough time for me...let's just say I'm not a "newborn Mom." It wasn't my favorite time at all. It has gotten easier though. Now, when I crawl into my bed, I know my divot will be waiting for me and I look forward to it every night. I love my bed.

New M & H Post (with pics)

New post here...these kids freaking crack me up!

Day #4 - I am Thankful for The Ability to Read

I know this is typically something we all take for granted. We read very early as children...I think I could read by the age of 4 or something ridiculous like that. I loved it. We went to the library so many times a week that I think we wore grooves in the road. During the summer, we would join the library's Summer Book Club and bring our papers every visit just to get our stickers. I would even say that we were those kids that read every book on the school summer reading list rather than just the two that were required.

Even today, I am able to engross myself in a book to the point of thinking about it when I'm not even reading. I read non-fiction if it's something I'm interested in (i.e. I spent a summer a few years ago learning about the differences between teaching girls and teaching boys...very interesting), but it's mostly fiction. Recently, I've been on a mystery kick and have enjoyed it thoroughly. I mean...who thinks of this shit???

I really hope to pass this love on to my kids. We have read to them every single day since they were born. Now, the bookshelf is the first place they head when they get downstairs in the morning. By the time we're cleaning up for the night, every book has been taken out, perused, and slobbered on. If that ain't love, I don't know what is.

Day #3 - I am Thankful for Kindermusik

I know...that's not normally something that someone gives thanks for, but it's really important to us. I have always had music in my life...with two music teacher parents, I could barely get away from it! I played five instruments growing up and all of my siblings have always been involved with music in some way. With music being such a huge part of my life, I knew that it had to be an integral part of the babies' lives as well.

I don't remember how I first learned about Kindermusik. It was probably some blog that I read somewhere. When we started, Matthew could barely sit up by himself and Hailey could just lie there. It was pathetic and it stressed me out. When we could, Bill would go with me because doing it by myself was just too hard. I could barely hold both of them for the dances b/c I was still weak from the pregnancy/c-section. If I laid one down on the floor, that one would cry. If I tried to let Matthew sit by himself for a few seconds to pick Hailey up, he'd fall over, start crying, and I'd be sweating bullets! It was stressful and I know people were thinking, "WTF is she thinking??" Either that or, "better her than me."

Now that the kids are walking and running, it's a different story. My kids are the life of the party. They walk around, say hi to everyone, play with the other kids, lovingly attack our wonderful instructor, and basically forget that we're even in the room! They're out little social butterflies. Today, Hailey was playing peek-a-boo with a little baby and being really gentle. Matthew jumped into the instructor's lap so that she could use him as an example...she loved it!

It's so great to see what it has done for them at home too. They love music, dancing, and any sort of rhythmic interaction. Any time any sort of music comes on, Hailey's shoulders begin to move and she's been working on her neck action lately too. Matthew isn't as good at dancing, but his signature move is bouncing up and down. They're adorable. We listen to the CDs during some meals and they love it. Watching them recognize the songs while we're in the class is so much fun. It's like they can't believe that someone else knows the words to my songs...they're not really mine, but that's what they think!

It has also given us a nice activity to do as an entire family. October was nuts, so I was going during the week. Now that things have calmed down a little bit, we're all going on Saturday mornings. It's great to watch Bill with the kids and see how they interact with him. It's almost like they're showing off what they have learned! Bill also likes it b/c he gets to see how they've grown. We're going to continue with this activity and they're actually moving up a level next semester! I can't believe it...from little squirmy babies on the floor to toddlers running around the room! It's amazing!!!

Big Christmas Present - DONE!!!

I am so excited about this...they have a kitchen in their bedroom from last Christmas and absolutely love it. This one will either go in the playroom or the living room...I can see them having just as much fun all year through! I can't wait until they see it! We're going to have it all put together Christmas morning. It's going to be so much fun this year!

Day #2 - I am Thankful for My House

Through my life, I have lived in several different places. Here is what I remember:

• A two story house in Amityville, New York.
• A ranch with a huge backyard and an awesome shed in Amityville, New York.
• A rented ranch in Ronkonkoma, New York...this one had a wall of mirrors and these horrible brown and orange stripes going through two of the rooms...although the heated kitchen floor was a plus.
• Finally, a ranch in Ronkonkoma, New York.
• We had weekends and summers at my Dad's house. The first place of his that I remember was in Long Beach, New York...overlooking the beach. It was the best apartment in the world. I can't remember if it was my step-Mom's apartment and he moved in, or if they go the place together...either way, awesome apartment.
• Then they bought a house in Rockville Centre, New York...purple bedroom for my sister and I!
• When I went to college, I lived in a dorm, a small apartment (still campus housing), and a house (ahem...a dump really...who am I kidding?) that was off campus.
• After college, some friends I rented an apartment outside of Baltimore.
• Then I moved in with just one of those friends in a different apartment.
• Then I got another apartment and lived by myself.
• Then I moved to a townhouse with a really bad boyfriend.
• Then I moved back to NY to recover from said really bad boyfriend.
• Then I lived alone outside of Baltimore again, but in a different town (loved that apartment).
• Then I moved to the Jersey Shore to move in with my boyfriend from high school (bad idea, but I did answer the "what if" question).
• Then I moved to an apartment by myself...still on the Jersey Shore...where I lived for 3 years.
• Then I moved in with Bill to the top floor of a house in Belmar, NJ.
• Then we moved to Ellicott City, MD where we got our dog, Brie.
• Then we moved to our house.

I think that's it! Damn! That's a lot of moving!!! I had no idea that I actually lived in that many places and I'm pretty sure that I skipped about 4 of them because I can't remember anything anymore! So, that brings me back to the point...I am so thankful for my house. For the first time in ages, I have a place that is mine...okay, it's mine and my husband's, but we're not renting. For the first time in my life (other than growing up), I'm not renting!!! What an amazing feeling! Yeah, we may bitch about having to maintain and update certain rooms or areas. We may groan every time we realize that we have to mow the lawn, shovel the walk, clear off the leaves, power wash the siding, plant more flowers, or bring in those damn garbage cans. Of course we do...we're used to someone else (i.e. our landlord) doing that for us.

Our house is pretty modest. We couldn't afford a big house when we were first looking...who can? It's three bedrooms, 1.5 baths (never again...must have 2 bathrooms from now on), finished basement, hardwood floors, and a deck off the back of the house. Since we moved in, we have redone the main bathroom (borrowing my friend's bathroom every day of those few weeks), resided the house, replaced all of the windows, painted just about every room, redone the half bathroom, replaced the carpeting in the basement, replaced the roof, and maintained it quite well. The gardening is something that was completely new to us and through the help of a very masterful gardener friend, we're getting a little better at it. The shoveling still sucks. We pay a service to take care of our leaves because that is just ridiculous...as a friend of mine recently put it, the lawn seems to sprout leaves rather than them falling from the sky. Bottom line? It's ours...it's all ours. I love coming home to my house and putting my things down on my couch (although Bill would love if I put things away rather than on a couch that I seem to have comandeered). I love my house...even though I eventually want something bigger with a garage, my own bathroom, walk in closets, a bigger master bedroom so our furniture actually fits, a fenced in backyard, a pool (if I'm lucky), a great yard for the kids and Brie to play in, and a driveway that isn't at a 45 degree angle (what a bitch trying to get out of the car sometimes). I am tucked away warm and cozy in my own little corner of real estate world and I'm quite happy here. Thanks for reading...

Why Are They Not Eating???

This is sooooo frustrating! I give them food...food they like...they stare at it and move it around their trays. WTF??? I don't get it. They've got to be hungry, right? They're growing like weeds! What gives?

Day #1 - I am Thankful For My Sister

So, there's this thing going around Facebook where you are supposed to put things in your "status" describing what you are thankful for. I don't really want to share those things on FB, but I will do it here on my lovely blog!

My sister is two years and one day younger than I am. She was my birthday present...or that's what she's been telling me for about 30 years! When we were young, we fought like crazy...over everything. I used to torture her about everything...if she came out of the bathroom with bangs, I'd question her...if she didn't, I'd question that. Just enough of a question to make her second guess herself...nice, huh? Yeah, I was that kind of older sister. I don't know why I did it. I'm sarcastic by nature, but maybe I just thought I was toughening her up for real life...be sure in your decisions and don't feel the need to defend them to any asshole who questions you!

When we were really little, everyone thought we were twins. Then, her height surpassed mine and everyone thought she was older than me. She was definitely smarter than I was academically, very musically inclined, and more athletic than I. She has a great group of friends and is fiercely loyal to them...even if they don't deserve it. Over the years, she has turned into my best friend. The person I call if I need to kill time, if I'm making a long drive alone, or if I just want to know if I should buy something. She doesn't see those calls as pointless or a waste of her time...she takes them and always helps me.

I'm not exactly sure when, but she was diagnosed with lupus and has been being treated for it. The treatments range, but always include pretty severe drugs. I want to say around the time I was pregnant, she started looking at her options for getting pregnant. The experts say that it's possible to get pregnant with lupus, but there are difficulties. The first (and probably most difficult) is going off all detrimental medications. My sister wasn't just going to go off the detrimental medications, but all of her meds. This made me nervous...not only did we not know how far her disease had advanced, but could she get sicker? Some of the medical decisions were made with her doctors and some were decided upon by her. She was ready and determined...just like always.

She went away earlier in this year for a conference. She had a really bad flare...leg rash, pain, fatigue, the rheumatoid arthritis was as bad as ever and by the time she got home, she was spent. She was put on a high dose of prednisone by her doctor and started to feel somewhat better...prednisone is a tricky drug though. As it treats some symptoms, it causes others. The most pronounced symptom in most people is swelling and weight gain. My sister is a beautiful woman...tall, clear skin, no wrinkles, shiny hair, sparkling smile, and gorgeous blue eyes. The weight gain was going to be tough on her, but she'd do anything to get this flare under control. Her knee started to hurt and she pushed for an MRI...her doctors attributed it to the arthritis.

She suffered (and I'm not being melodramatic) through the summer having a face that had doubled in size, needing to find special shoes to contain her ever-swelling feet, buying pants that were not even close to her regular size...all as a result of the swelling from the predisone. The thing about this drug is that you can't just stop taking it...you need to wean down very slowly or you could go into organ failure...just what a lupus patient needs, right? I felt so bad for her this summer. All she wanted to do was enjoy life...play with the babies, take lots of pictures, enjoy her vacations, have BBQs, and live like a semi-normal person (people with lupus can never live normally...that's something I've come to learn). She couldn't do any of that. As a matter of fact, she started to live even more carefully! She started a vegetarian diet, therapy, and acupuncture. The flare subsided a little bit, but there are lasting effects. She has very little use of her right hand, issues with her left hand, she is still limping, taking stairs one at a time, needing help in the shower, having issues getting dressed, having trouble keeping up at work, and still dealing with the fact that she wants to have a baby.

Recently, after going back on all of her medications (that was a punch to the gut), she has decided that having a baby is not going to be the best thing for her...as a matter of fact, it will ruin her. If she needs to go off of these medications again, I don't know what will happen. She has considered surrogacy, but in order to get her eggs, she has to get off of one of the most toxic medications for 90 days and I don't think she'll make it. It's too traumatic. So, she and her husband are dealing with this loss and still trying to live everyday life. I don't know how she gets out of bed every morning. She laughs when people tell her she's so strong because she is physically the weakest she has ever been. She is going to acupuncture regularly and I think it's helping...only time will tell. I am so glad she's seeing a therapist because this is such a mindfuck. She is doing everything she's supposed to be doing, but it's a slow road back.

I think the thing that gets her the most is that she didn't realize how sick she was. Lupus is a disease where the person can look healthy, and she looked incredibly healthy, but still be very sick. One of her medications is used for chemotherapy!!! That blew me away! I am so hoping that she can get this under control really soon. She lives such a great life and needs to get back to it. I'm sure this has thrown her marriage into a tizzy because on top of dealing with how sick she is, she can't do much around the house, she's too tired to do some of the social things that she loves doing, and sex? Forget about it (sorry sis...I'm trying to be as honest as I can though). They work on it, but her husband travels...a lot. I just wish I were closer geographically so I could help her. The other reason I wish we were closer is because she is an amazing aunt. The kids absolutely love her and her husband. I think it would be wonderful for them to spend more time together and I also think they make her happy.

So, that's who I'm thankful for today. She's an amazing woman and I just want her to find happiness. I also hope that she's not sitting at her computer with tears streaming down her face because it takes a lot of effort for her to get mascara on with her left hand! She started a blog to get some of her feelings out (link below). I know she's not completely honest on it because the complete honesty would freak some people out...she shared it with family and friends and finds herself (as I do) censoring some of the content. All of those who have suffered from infertility (as I have) understand the loss that she is feeling. All of those who have loved someone with a chronic illness will understand how scary this is. All of those who know what it means to love someone more than you love yourself will understand how much it kills me to see her go through this and how much I want to drop everything and move in as her nurse/maid/shower buddy/entertainment/chef/landscaper/decorator/door answerer/car starter/manicurist/makeup artist/hair stylist/dresser/shoulder to cry on every day. I love you!!!!!

Here is a link to her blog if you're interested...now you'll excuse me if I go reapply my mascara...with my left hand...oh, who am I kidding? I can't do it with my left hand!

I Really Wish I Could Get This Woman's Bare Ass Out of My Head...Lovely, Huh?

Did that title get your attention? I swear!!

I tutor kids after school to make extra money and to keep my head in the "I'm going to go back to work someday, so don't forget how to teach" game. I have about seven kids at this point. Most of the mothers are typical mothers...cute, put-together, and nice. There is one though that I can't get out of my mind...in so many ways (hence the title of this post).

She is tall, blond, most definitely has fake boobs, and is in amazing shape. She is very striking and looks very different from most of the other Moms in the area. I never knew what she did (except stay home and take care of the seven kids she and her husband have) until she told me one day. She's a personal trainer. She also travels a lot and has a busy schedule (or so it seems as she keeps missing our tutoring sessions). I was wondering why she traveled to much, so I asked her son. He said that she worked different "shows" and "events." Okay, fine...people work at conventions and things like that. No biggie.

One day he son comes in and he's visibly annoyed with something. I asked him about it and he said that his mother got a job for some photo shoot and couldn't stop talking about it. He said that he didn't care about it and just wished she would stop talking about it. I mentioned this to my husband (computer geek extraordinaire) and he starts to Goo.gle like crazy. He ends up finding a few pictures of her. Most of them are for fitness things, but then we find the piece de resistance.

It's looks like a car show in Vegas (or some other seedy convention center) and there are muscular guys surrounded by muscular girls. They're all holding some fitness bar or powder or something like that. All of the sudden, I see it...oh no...please don't let me see this. There is my student's mother, tanned ass to the camera, looking over her shoulder, with a thong bathing suit on. NOOOOOOOO!!!!

She's flanking an uber-muscular guy who happens to be holding these bars. There is another girl on the other side, but at least her ass is partially covered. No, not my Mom...bare ass. I just can't believe it. In today's society, to have pictures of your ass where any 14-year old (i.e. your son's friends) can find you...I just don't get it.

So, now, every single time she comes into the library, I can only picture her tanned bare ass. It's embarrassing for me, but the thing is, I have nothing to be embarrassed about (except a natural voyeuristic curiosity)!!! Here's the real issue...having suffered through, ahem, experienced a twin pregnancy, I constantly wonder what other mother's stomachs look like...do they have stretch marks? Do they experience the same lovely pouch of skin/fat that I do? Or are they completely flat again? This woman has had several kids and I would say is well into her 40s, so I'm curious...what does she look like from the front??? Google is calling my name again!

Self-Censorship

I knew it a while ago...I knew that I was being censored. It's not right...this is America. No one should have to be censored in this day in age. People should be able to express their views, tell stories, share jokes, and give their opinion without being worried about censorship. Who, you may ask, ask are you being censored by? Well, it is with a heavy heart, that I say MYSELF.

Why would you censor yourself? It's hard not to when you have a blog that you've shared with so many people in my life. I started this blog as a place to inform my family about our progress with the IVF and fertility treatments. It has morphed into a forum for me to post pictures of the babies, share stories, and give little anecdotes about things that I find humorous (in my sick little mind). It's actually a pretty good tool as we don't live near our families...it's a good place to catch up. However, I have found myself being very careful as of late. I am careful with stories that I tell (wouldn't want to offend anyone), jokes that I share (wouldn't want to confuse anyone), and pictures that I post (wouldn't want to cast anyone in a bad light). The fact of the matter is that this is becoming less about me and the kids and more about how careful I am being not to offend/confuse/disparage anyone else! There is the self-censorship...so sad, isn't it?

It's true...I'm not sure who reads it anymore from the "early days." However, it always surprises me when something from the blog comes up in everyday conversation. When someone in real life mentions it, I just about fall over...either in surprise that this person still keeps up with it or because I start scrambling my brain about whether or not I could have said anything to offend/confuse/disparage this person. Isn't that horrible?

I am seriously thinking of going with my gut and starting a blog with a password. I'd still do this one to share items that are "public knowledge," but there would be another one for my innermost thoughts...without having to worry about offending/confusing/disparaging anyone...God knows, I wouldn't want to do that...or would I? ;) Maybe I'll just stop censoring myself, write everything that comes to mind, and damn the consequences...living on the edge, aren't I?

Halloween 2009 - By Hailey

Find it here!

Do You Understand the Words That Are Coming Out of My Mouth??

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I talk to my kids like they're hearing impaired, foreigners, old people, or simply stupid. I know they are none of the above, but sometimes I can't help myself. I wonder if I do it (i.e. slow it down) to calm myself down or if it's because I think they'll understand me better. Or, is it the ever fleeting thought that maybe they'll actually follow my instructions this time.

Here are some examples:

• They both love to play with the outlet that houses the monitor and the coffee maker. First, no one messes with my coffee maker. Second, that's dangerous...especially if it's on. So, I say, "Please don't touch the plug." I see it again. I take his/her hand and say, "Please don't touch the plug...danger!" There is a significant pause in between each of those words and I am speaking louder than necessary. They do it again...I say (okay, maybe I don't say it...maybe my voice is raised just a little bit), "I said don't touch the outlet...I will have to reset the clock...oh, and you could get hurt too...why aren't you listening to me?" Nice control there, huh? Nice reasoning too...resetting the clock is such a pain in the ass over taking an electrocuted child to the emergency room!
  
• After breakfast, the kids like to run around the main floor playing with their toys. Very often they end up at the front windows which are low enough for them to see out of. Sometimes it's cute b/c they say hello to the people walking by...yeah, yeah, cute. They will take some object/toy and bang on our recently replaced windows. On the first offense, I say, "No, no..." They usually look at me, smile, and turn back to the window. This is when I can tell that they're plotting to actually break through the window and hop a plane to Rio. They do it again. I say, "Please don't bang on the windows!" Okay, fine...they seem to get it. One even walks into the other room. I follow that one (the good one) and ask if he/she wants me to read a book. A few seconds later, the other one thinks the coast is clear and starts to bang that window like a ward at an insane asylum! From the other room (with other child still on my lap), I scream, "I SAID NOT TO BANG ON THE WINDOW...YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK IT AND THEN WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE!!!" Yeah...like they could break the window. My kids are going to need therapy.
• Bathtime...we are having an issue with my two very active little ones standing up during their bath time. Not only is it dangerous and slippery, but there is a significant chance of twin-on-twin violence breaking out. First offense...Matthew is standing up banging Hailey on her head like she's a bongo drum! We say, "Matthew, please sit down." Second offense, Matthew is standing behind Hailey and trying to touch her nose (which results in several missed attempts landing in her eyes and mouth). Grab his arm and gently guide him back into the water while saying, "We said sit down!" Third offense, Matthew has now walked in front of Hailey and it mesmerized with the top of her head. We say, "MATT, SIT DOWN...YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT!" With that, Hailey promptly grabs his entire package, gives it a nice twist, and we have to assume that Matthew will learn his lesson. It's just that he's not learning his lesson...this happens almost every single bath time. I'm afraid there might be permanent damage done soon! The poor kid...his poor wife...their poor children!
  

Does this kind of shit happen in anyone else's house? I was just reading a website (one that I previously said that I would continue to read, but would never post on again) and some lady was like, "I even yelled at my daughter today." Really? You yelled? At a toddler? That is crazy! Am I the only one who repeats the word "no" 50,000,000 times a day? Am I the only one who finds it slightly amusing when my children humor me with a meaningful smile and then repeat the offense? Am I the only one who thinks yelling is slightly normal in a house with little ones?

Really Quick for a Sunday Night During the World Series

I can't even explain how nice it has been to be home this weekend. We lost many weekends in October to fun things, but things that took us out of the house. It was so nice to wake up in our own bed, do what we have to do, remain in our schedule, not drive a million hours, and spend some time together. Bill put it best when he said, "I feel that I've missed a lot this month." It's true...even though we see each other and the kids every day, it's hard when you're trying to piecemeal your days together. We really got some quality family time this weekend and it was wonderful.

I will post pictures, but Halloween was uneventful (except for the kids looking adorable in their costumes). We scheduled their flu booster for 8:30 AM...we're such Halloween scrooges. We missed the neighborhood schindig in the process of them napping/recovering. They took their regular afternoon nap and then we dressed them. I shut off my alarm this morning (unheard of these days) and skipped my spin class (fat girl!) to lay in bed and listen to my kids wake up normally. Granted...the wake up process started at 4:50 (thank you Time Change People), but it was okay. We all had breakfast together, did household jobs, hung out, watched football, and had a great time today. I know that there will be many weekends in my future that are dedicated to family events, sporting events, sleep overs, homework, friends, parties, and other things that while we might enjoy them immensely, take time from our solid family time. I am cherishing these weekends and really enjoyed myself.

Did I say "really quick?" Yeah...not my forte! Go Yanks!!!!!!!!

Wedding Weekend Installment #4: Wedding and Reception

So, we get to the church and we're waiting in the rectory (I think that's what you call it) and Christine is getting all excited. Both of her brothers came back to tell her how beautiful she was and that they loved her (so sweet). There was a little confusion b/c we forgot what song we were walking down the aisle to...we figured it out. Christine was cool as a cucumber...she was doing great! The first chick went down the aisle and then it was my turn. I don't know why, but every time I walk down the aisle in a wedding (other than my own), I forget to smile. So, I have this dumb look on my face partially because I forgot to smile, but partially because I am trying not to cry! Weddings are emotional!

I get down to the front and completely lose it for a minute...I do this at all the weddings that I'm in too. Bill and his brother had to pull the runner down for Christine. She had given it to Bill to "figure out" the night before. Apparently he didn't do his homework b/c they couldn't get that damn runner down the aisle to save their lives. They ended up unrolling it by hand...it was actually quite funny and everyone was laughing at them. I regained composure just in time to see Christine walking down the aisle. The music starts and everyone stands up and I can't see a fucking thing! Helloooo people! Get the hell out of my way! I'm short and I can't see shit! Sit the hell down!!! Oh well...I couldn't see anything and had to wait for her to make it all the way to the front. Her fiance (I can call him that b/c they weren't technically married yet) really struggled to keep it together and did a great job. I love watching the grooms...my favorite part.

The wedding went well...there was a soloist who did a great job. The priest screwed up singing Hallelujah which I found hysterical. I believe I actually started laughing because of all songs, he should know that one. The funniest part was that his mike was on! After they walked out and greeted their guests, we took pictures. The Head Father (is that even what you call it...I am religiously retarded) kept walking back and forth to make sure we didn't exceed our half hour (see last post) which was totally rude and then as we were getting ready to leave, he shut the lights off! Amazingly rude on someone's big day! Blah...they said it was because they had confessions starting at 3:00, but I called and left a message and they called me back on Monday and confession didn't start until 3:45. It was really uncalled for...and unGodly.

Let's see...we went to take pictures at a bridge that had all sorts of foliage, but the photographer got lost and didn't have a GPS. I think that companies should invest in such technology...it just make sense. Finally, the Matron got her back on track and to the bridge. I can't wait to see those pictures. Then we went to the Matron's house to take some more pictures and then onto the reception!!!

The reception was really fun...we walked out to "I Gotta Feelin" by the Black Eyed Peas...that always puts people in a good mood. People danced, drank, ate, and were merry. My FIL started his typical strip tease, but never made it all the way to the end. At our wedding, he was down to his wife beater (he really lets loose at weddings), but this time, he only lost the jacket, vest, and tie. We got to hang out with our favorite cousins and had lots of laughs...especially over Mary's flower. She was obsessed with it. Most people strapped a pretty good load on...I had a strategy though...alternate club soda with wine. You stay hydrated, don't get sloppy drunk, and are able to get up in the morning. It worked like a charm. I highly recommend it...

The car home was packed. We had a great time on that car ride...even though it was hot in that car! Lots of laughs. When we got back, we changed and went down to the bridal suite to hang out some more. I didn't expect to see the groom and Christine's brother in the hot tub having a dandy time. They were hysterical and will probably be sued because of the water damage that room withstood. Here are some pictures of the festivities:

First Dance as Husband and Wife
(although the priest can't announce you like that)

Bill, Nick, and Andrew...trouble tripled.

Mary and I...she's my BFF (Best Family Friend) because no one else likes us!

Father and Daughter dancing...very touching.

So touching that it had Mom and Andrew in tears!

Cousins...more trouble!

Bill and I...I believe I was a little toasty at this point. Either that or I had been laughing...they're both possible answers for the rosiness in my face!

What a cute couple!

All in all, it was a great time. Thanks Christine and Ryan for creating a memorable weekend! Hope you had fun on your cruise!!!

Wedding Weekend Installment #3: Beauty Salon and Getting Ready

There are several things about weddings that I think are weird. I remember going through my own wedding and wondering why certain things occurred and how people got away with them. The scam on getting your hair done is one of these things. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get your hair done for a wedding...most of all your OWN wedding. I'm just saying that it always seems like it costs a lot of money to get a hair-do that you just have trouble washing out the next day!

We got up extra early that day (okay, I did...Bill laid in bed and tried to avoid the light oozing out from the hotel bathroom...those things are harsh!) and put on my base make-up and make it to the hair place on time. Christine texted and told me that I could be there at 8:30 (we were originally supposed to be there at 8:00) because the girl who was doing our hair was stopping to get hair wraps. First of all, I don't know what a hair wrap it. Second of all, I am not putting one on my head. This is just about the point at which I decided that I was going to do something really out of character with my hair. I was already up, so I decided to stop at Starbucks on the way to the hair place...thank God for that extra shot of espresso!

I was the first one to the hair place and it looked just like a house. The matron of honor got there shortly after me and went inside. I stayed in my car looking up hair styles on the internet until Christine got there. We went inside and it was a house...an actual house. We hung out in the kitchen, ate bagels, had mimosas...quite lovely if you ask me. The girl who did our hair, I'll call her Big Tits (for obvious reasons and because I could just about see them in their entirety!), saw my Starbucks cup and nearly had a breakdown. Something about the owner hating Starbucks more than anything in the world and then Big Tits proceeded to pour my coffee into a plain cup, find a plastic bag, and hide the Starbucks cup inside of it. Really? Fine...it's your place...just give me my mimosa.

There was another girl helping Big Tits...we're going to all her Bigger Tits...for obvious reasons. Big Tits was working on Christine and the Matron while Bigger Tits did me and the other girls. We all got in our curlers (which hurts like a bitch by the way) and waited around for our hair to set. I cannot stand waiting...especially when you're watching the weather change like you had the freaking Weather Channel on fast forward. When we got to the salon/house, it was windy and humid, but no rain. As we sat there, the rain came in like crazy...great! This is perfect hair weather! Keep it coming, Mother Nature!

As we're waiting, Big Tits and Bigger Tits are fighting over mimosas, telling stories about their kids/husbands/boyfriends, reminiscing over old times, and being quite entertaining. We make some decisions about transportation to Christine's house (which is where we were all getting dressed). Christine starts to freak out a little as she's waiting under the dryer. The Matron gets false eyelashes (which were actually pretty awesome). Finally, Bigger Tits take one of those torturous rollers out of my hair and proceeds to tell me that I'm ready to style. By this time, it's like a monsoon outside and I'm just thinking...do it big. It's going to get big and frizzy anyway...let's really go for it. The picture on the left is what I asked for. The picture on the right is what I actually got! Close, right? LOL...






















We left the salon and it was POURING!!! Ridiculously raining on the day of the wedding! It didn't matter though...my hair wasn't going to move! So funny, we went back to the hotel so that Bill could drive me to Christine's house and all people would say about my hair was, "Oh! Your hair!" Not that it looked good or that they liked it...just a totally surprised exclamation of "I hope that shit falls a little bit before the ceremony." Anyway, we got to Christine's house to get ready...got something to eat (thank God...how did I not eat on my wedding day?), got our makeup on (soooo glad I didn't screw up the liquid eyeliner as I had not put that shit on since my wedding 4 years ago), and got dressed so that we'd be able to help Christine get dressed. Christine arrived home in full veil, hair, and makeup and was getting pretty excited. The limo got there (stretch Hummer...something that I've found is not exactly easy to get into with a full length dress on). The photographer got there and started snapping shots. She took pictures of the dress hanging up which I personally love and then Christine had to get dressed. There were like 6 people in the room, so I piped up with, "Okay, you'd better get dressed...who do you want to help you?" The Matron and Mom stayed in there to help. The weird part? The photographer stayed in there too! I could see if she left and the came back in while she was getting zipped in or while she was putting her jewelry on, but to stay in there while she was getting in her dress??? Boobies flying and everything??? I don't think so! That was just weird.

Christine came down the stairs, gathered her dress very carefully, was assured that everything with the dog/house was fine, and made her way to the limo. She had to be very careful due to the monsoon rains that attacked the fine state of Pennsylvania earlier that morning. She did a great job. Off we went...to the ceremony! Here is my favorite picture of Christine from that day...hope she doesn't mine me posting it, but it's just beautiful!

Wedding Weekend Installment #2: Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

So, as wedding rehearsals go, this one was pretty interesting. First, we had to get there in the POURING rain...it was ridiculous. Thank God I had made a pit stop when we got to the hotel...there was a Tar.get next door, so I got a new hat, umbrella, and coat. Bill just about killed me when he saw all that I bought, but it was an emergency...a hair emergency (all you girls with naturally curly hair know what I'm talking about).

We all made it to the church and run through the ceremony once. It went pretty well. I was walking behind the groom's cousin who was pretty young and nervous. She made me realize that crap you used to worry about before you became an adult. It was so much easier at 18, wasn't it? Anyway, once we ran through it once, the priest (I think that's what you call it in a catholic church) came back and told the bride that once the ceremony was over, they'd have 30 minutes for pictures and then they'd have to leave. I thought she was going to lose her shit. She really wanted to do a small receiving line for guests who came to the ceremony, but weren't going to the reception. She got upset and rightfully so. The poor priest (who was very recently ordained) didn't know what the hell to do with a crying bride. He just stood there stammering about how it was the rules of the church and something about confession...blah, blah, blah. Let the bride have her damn pictures without being run out of the church!

Someone suggested that she and her husband-to-be could go to the back of the church, greet their guests while everyone else made their way back to the front, and when they were done, we'd do pictures as quickly as possible. Then, since most of the family is from Northeast Philly, everyone basically told her not to worry about it, that they'd take care of it, and I'm pretty sure someone mentioned taking the priest outside for a quick word...gangsta style!

We ran through it again and everything went fine. There was a quick discussion about where the runner starts (front or back of the church) and the priest had no clue. I really think this was his first wedding....ever...that he not only officiated, but attended! Oh well...gotta break everyone in some time, right?

Here were a couple more weird things:

• He would not pronounce them husband and wife. He would introduce them as Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so, but would not pronounce them husband and wife. Weird, right?
• He would not say, "You may now kiss the bride." He said that they don't do that at that church. Weird, right? Maybe he thought it would unleash all of those impure thoughts they had been having for the past 10 years while they abstained from pre-marital sex!

After that, we drove to the restaurant. It was about 30 minutes away which wouldn't have been that bad except that it was POURING rain! Did I mention that? It was good...my favorite part were the homemade chips with crab dip drizzled on top and cheese melted over that...mmmmm...mmmmm....my mouth is still watering for that. The presents were cool. Christine and her matron of honor made jewelry for us to wear in the wedding...it was really pretty!

We went back to the hotel and had some beers and conversation...lots of laughs. Then straight to bed for some much needed sleep before the big day! Wanna hear something funny? Bill and I slept in separate beds both nights! It was so nice to sleep without interruption! Haha...true love, right?

Wedding Weekend Installment #1: The Nail Salon

Okay, so, my SIL's wedding was this weekend. She and her husband have been together forever, so this was a much anticipated event in my husband's family! We had my sister and BIL fly in from Boston (thank God for them) to take care of the kids and drove out to my SIL's house on Friday. It was so weird to be alone and not worrying about anything (i.e. kids)!

When we got there, Christine was leaving to look at the flowers. I had an appointment to get a mani/pedi. Bill and his Dad were waiting for his brother to arrive before picking up the tuxes. I was looking forward to having some time alone and getting my nails done. I don't think I have actually gotten a manicure since before the kids were born...it's just not worth it...gets ruined anyway. Christine gave me the name/number of the place she uses, so I made an appointment. She mentioned that it was a husband and wife and it's not usually that busy, but they don't seem to care...boy, was she right!

I got there and the husband is on the phone right outside the doors yelling at someone! I didn't really know what to do until he opened the door for me (I really think it was for his little yip yip dog, but I'll pretend like it was for me). The whole time, he's yelling, "I'm too busy! I'm very very busy!" I figured that they'd at least have three other people in the place, but there was only one lady getting a pedicure from the wife. The place was huge...many nail stations, 3 pedicure seats (okay...that's not that many), and about 8 rooms for tanning beds. He directs me to take a seat.

He starts my manicure and I realize that this will be very interesting. The first thing I notice is the state that his nails are in! I know that my nail tech's nails are never really in good shape...they'll just get ruined anyway, but come on...this guy's nails were yellow (I later found out he's a heavy smoker), brittle, broken, and cracked. The only one that was in good shape was his pinky nails (like a coke nail, you know?) and those had dirt under them like you wouldn't believe. Everything was going along swimmingly (I was spending a lot of time watching the CNN that was blasting from the television) when the phone rang. He picked it up and started yelling at someone else. It's just at this moment that I notice his yip yip dog chasing something. I think that it's a toy until I realize that it has eight legs and a huge body! He's chasing a gigantic spider...I'm not kidding when I say gigantic! So, he's batting it around and yapping at it...which is really just pissing it off. He's starting to beat it down to eat it when I say, "no, no...don't eat it." I think that was my twin mom side coming out! The guys realizes what the dog is doing and starts to kick the half-dead spider out the front door...still yelling on the phone...at least he's a humanitarian by letting the bug live, right?

He sits back down and starts to massage my hands with lotion. I normally love this part, but his hands were so rough that it was pretty uncomfortable. We talked a little bit...he was actually quite nice once you get past the hygiene issues. He did a good job on my nails and directed me to the pedicure chair.

He started the water for me b/c his wife was still finishing up the other lady. I hadn't rolled up my jeans yet, so he had to help me b/c my nails were wet...that was uncomfortable, but it went okay. At that point, I had no choice! He told me to put my feet in the water and I tried, but it was the hottest fucking water I had ever felt. I usually like a hot foot bath before a pedicure, but this was boiling! He turned it down and told me to try again and I still couldn't do it! We went through that a few more times until the temperature of the water went down enough so that the skin didn't melt off of my feet! The wife did a good job, but didn't hesitate to lend her opinion that my color was too dark for a wedding (was she calling me a whore?). Thanks for your input, but what's done is done, right? I then saw the yip yip dog playing with a pretty big worm/caterpillar in the hallway. The husband scooped it up with a piece of paper and put it in the sink...didn't wash it down or anything...just put it in the sink. He really loves saving bugs from that dog. I could never go tanning there after seeing two bugs in one visit!!!

So, I'm done and sitting under the dryers for a little while when I notice the rules. They were pretty typical...no eating in the tanning beds, no drinking in the tanning beds, and the ever popular NO URINATING IN THE TANNING ROOMS!!! What??? Are you serious??? Am I reading this right? I seriously would have taken a picture, but didn't want to be insulting. Then I realize that I'm the one worried about being insulting while someone probably actually peed in a tanning room to prompt them to post that sign! I couldn't believe it. I had to get out of there...I paid and walked out into damp, misty, drizzle...lovely. Needless to say, I now realize why people are particular about where they get their nails done. I'm sure that there are things about my salon that other people may feel are gross...nothing like the rules, but some things, right? Onto the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner! To be posted soon!!!

Christine, please realize that I appreciate getting my nails done at all...I just thought the whole exchange was too funny!

Selective Discipline...Some Lessons You Learn On Your Own!

So, I've been trying to get Hailey to stop biting Matthew. She does it out of frustration and while it doesn't hurt (she's mostly all gums right now), it's mean and I don't like it.

Today, we were playing in the basement and they were both a little tired. They tend to get all spastic when they're tired, so I was just watching them. She was playing with the beads. He decided he wanted to play with the beads. He walked over, knocked her on her ass, and started playing with the beads. That was pretty bad, but what happened next was ridiculous.

Hailey was sitting on her ass, shocked, and she really pissed off...she wanted to play with the beads, God dammit! She opens her mouth and proceeds to bite him squarely on the ass! She held on for a pretty good while too. That was pretty bad too, but what I'm about to write either makes me the best or worst parent on Earth.

As she was biting him, I started to chastise her...she was really chomping down! Then I realized that not only does she only have little tooth buds, but he's also wearing a big thick diaper...the clincher? That big thick diaper was full of shit! Haha...learn your lesson, little girl! Needless to say, I didn't say anything...we'll let that one slide. Ah...making memories...nicknames, anyone?

I'm such a fake!

Here's the thing about me. When I had kids, I swore I wouldn't be "that Mom" who went everywhere in my work out clothes. I swore that I would still be cute and I wouldn't be "that Mom" who put her "good sweatshirt" on to go to the grocery store. Well, guess what? I think I was that Mom today...

The fact is that sometimes I would just rather an elastic waistband. Sometimes, I don't want to worry about sucking my belly in the whole time I'm out. I'd rather just hide it. So, I put on my new workout clothes and figured that if someone saw me, I'd look like I was going to work out at some point today...I'm such a fake! I am NOT working out today...I may look like I am, but I'm totally not!

Wanna know how you can tell? It's not the make up...I'm one of those chicks who wears make up to the gym. I don't leave the house without it. It's the boobs...it's all about the boobs. If I'm really working out, I'll put a sports bra on and they'll be all squished and flat and unattractive. If I'm just "dressing up" in my work out clothes for the reasons mentioned above, I'll wear a normal bra and the girls will still look good! To break it down, flat and squishy = working out and round and pushed up = faking it!

I was trying to think of other things that I fake in a normal day...hmmm...I fake a good mood (for the children or the husband...whoever needs it more). I fake being nice to people on the phone (not friends/family...just when I have to make a business call or an appointment). I fake smile at weird people (some people just stare at my kids and don't smile or anything...just stare...WTF? They're cute...spare a smile, weirdo! It won't kill you!). I'm sure there's more...I can't be the only one...what do you fake on a daily basis!?!

One more thing: Hailey is walking more than crawling!!!! I have no idea how it happened, but her confidence has skyrocketed today!

Really??? 38 degrees in mid-October? Ugh...

So, I've gotten a little taste of what Winter can be like with two crazy kids...I think I may lose my mind this year! I got it a little bit last year, but they weren't moving, talking, playing...they mostly just lay on the floor and got entertained. This year, it'll be a whole different story!

I took the kids to storytime yesterday in the pouring, freezing (okay, the temp wasn't 32 degrees, but it was in the 40's) rain. Everything went pretty well. We got in, returned our books, made it through storytime (although Matt stole all of the lady's felt horses that she was going to use to practice counting), chose some books, and got all bundled up to leave. We get outside and it's raining even harder. This is exactly when I started to curse myself for leaving the house at all.

I get out of the library and to the car and a huge truck is parked right next to my car. When I say "right next to my car," I'm talking 6 inches from my driver's side door. It's pouring. I'm getting soaked. The kids are probably thinking, WTF? I get Hailey in and try to figure out what I'm going to do next. Matthew is in his puffy coat (which is much puffier than I had anticipated) and there is no way that he's going to fit in the door even if I can squeeze the two of us between my car and the truck. Finally the driver comes out and offers to move the truck. I was thankful...still pissed, but thankful. After he moves his truck, I put Matthew into the car, load the stroller, and the guy proceeds to point out how I had parked perfectly, but the other guy had not causing him to park even closer to my car. Thanks...now I'll get into my nice warm car. Have a great fucking day...

I was soaked through...we made it home, got undressed, had snacks, and then the kids took their morning nap. All in all, I don't think I'll be making it to another storytime in freezing cold rain! We proceeded to spend the entire afternoon in the house which made me nuts b/c I refereed a lot of fights. It was a little better today though. I think Hailey is cutting a tooth which resulted in her not eating lunch...oh well. She'll live. Then I had tutoring and sushi/wine...that makes for a good ending to a damp day.

Another blog post with pictures is available here...these kids are nuts!

Time Suck...

My kids are still sleeping...it's 7:42 a.m. and my kids are sound asleep. You would think, what a perfect opportunity to get things done! Nah...I'll just sit my ass on the Internet. What a time suck! I barely waste time. I usually get things done. This Internet really sucks me in sometimes though and it is embarrassing.

Here are the things I could be doing (yes, I'd rather make a list about them rather than actually DO any of them):

• Cleaning off the dining room table.
• Getting sippy cups ready.
• Putting away my laundry.
• Making my bed.
• Cleaning up the living room.
• Putting the 18-month clothes away because they're obviously going to be in 12-month clothes for a little while longer. Those 18-month clothes are long!
• Packaging a birthday present for Colin's birthday party this weekend.
• Putting a coat of nail polish on my nails.
• Folding laundry (I am really starting to hate laundry...the whole process...putting it in the bins, carrying it downstairs (just about impossible with all these gates), putting it in the machine, switching to the dryer, putting it back in the basket (without getting lint on it), carrying it back upstairs, folding it, putting it away). I know...there are bigger things I could bitch about...I'm just not choosing to!
• Doing research on my sister's lupus treatments...another post will be dedicated to this (when I get her permission)...it's killing me not to be closer to her!
• Calling my Mom - she's off from school this week due to eye surgery...she had a little spot of cataract (kept calling it an "old people's disease") and they're also correcting her vision...so cool!
• Working on the manual that I'm leaving for my sister and BIL for next weekend. I hope they don't think I'm a psycho, but I am! We have my SIL's wedding in PA next weekend and this is the first time that Bill and I have left the kids with someone else for more than a few hours. I'm a little nervous about it...not b/c I don't have complete faith in my sister and BIL, but because my kids have never been away from us for that long and they can barely handle the day care at the gym!!!
  
• Returning emails to long lost friends...it's a wonder I have any left at this point!
• Printing directions to/from locations for next weekend's wedding. We're leaving the "good" car with my sister and BIL so that they can cart the babies around. That means we won't have the GPS (I call her Natalie) to get us safely from location to location. That also means that I have to print out directions and follow them like a primitive person! Haha...I'm so spoiled by this GPS! I'm really going to miss it!
• Figuring out where to buy double sided tape. I'm not wearing a bra with my bridesmaid dress (what a ho, right?), but I still want it to lay flat against my chest. I need that tape...desperately! I know I can get it from Amazon, but I'd still like to go to an actual store to pick it up...I need to get on that...right after this time sucking blog post!
• Uploading pictures from yesterday...I sat the kids on their Elmo chairs and had them watch Sesame Street while I gave them their snack...I will post pictures later, but this laptop situation is fucking me up!
• Planning for tutoring tonight...ah, I'll just wing it!
• Windexing the windows.

I don't know why, but I love to write my blog posts in lists. I guess it makes me feel like I'm getting something done, but I'm not!

A note about yesterday's post...I was pretty bitter. It's getting more difficult (as everyone and their mother said it would) and I was in a funk...big time. Bill came home and made the night better. I think we were all pretty happy to see him...a breath of fresh air. Thank God he was in a good mood! If he came home in a shitty mood, I may have thrown myself right off the edge! Anyway, they do play together...sometimes. This is normal for kids of this age. Narcissism is the only way they understand. I am trying to teach some empathy, but it's hard b/c developmentally, they're just not there. For some reason that I am still trying to figure out, I thought that sharing would be intrinsic for my kids...they shared a womb, my boobs, a crib, and space since they have existed! Why can't they share? It's because they don't want to...I get it now! Oh well...it's 8:05 and Matthew just woke up. They never do this on the weekend...I'm glad they're up. Let the games begin!!! Ding ding!!! Round 9!

Tyson V. Holyfield

OMG...I cannot believe how much my kids are already fighting with each other! They're not even 14 months old and we're dealing with the following behaviors:

• Biting - Hailey mostly, but I've noticed that Matthew is following suit.
• Pushing - both
• Hitting - Hailey
• Pulling - Matthew - mainly pulling Hailey out of his car (which is whatever one he wants at the moment)
• Poking - both

I need to know...are any other twin Moms dealing with this? Are my kids sociopaths? They rarely play together...it's like they're always playing against each other. The worst part? They just don't get it! They don't understand being nice or gentle...they want what they want! Amazing!!!

Are you happy? No? Think about how it used to be...

I blogged about this a few months ago...this is the comedian that I was talking about. So worth the 4 minutes out of your life...face it, you don't want to empty the dishwasher anyway, right? Enjoy!

Still Just a Mom

So, I had some friends who ran in the Baltimore Marathon this morning and a friend who participated in the Autism Walk. All of these women are amazing because they spent time preparing, raising money, finding childcare, and thinking about these events. But in the end, they're still just a Mom.

When they get home, they can't take a hot shower and relax on the couch all day catching up on their DVR programs. They need to fix meals, do laundry, clean up toys (that they didn't play with), empty/fill the dishwasher, decorate for Halloween, change sheets, give baths, read books, entertain, complete Halloween costumes, deliver kids to birthday parties, go grocery shopping, and soothe many random "owies."

Their kids aren't really going to be impressed that Mom just ran several miles. They aren't going to be impressed that their Mom spent many weeks raising money for a great cause. They won't be happy about the fact that their Mom accomplished something wonderful. They won't admire the dedication that it took for their Mom to wake up when it was still pitch black to train for this race. They won't even care that their Mom feels more accomplished than she has in years b/c she actually started something and finished it (coming from a Mom who finds it a miracle to get all of the laundry done in one day). In the end, they'll just expect her to wipe their nose or ass, ask her to make them something different for dinner, and request that she puts a different pair of pajamas on for bedtime....and she will do it. That's how Moms work...it's just what a Mom does. I'm not suggesting that these kids are ungrateful...they have no idea what compassion is...it's not their fault...they're kids.

I give these women a lot of credit b/c not only did they commit their time, but their energy. There is a lot of energy expended being a Mom, but when people somehow find more, I marvel. I don't know how they do it! When I turned 30, I really learned a lot about saying "no." I may even say it more than I need to, but it's what I've learned over the years. If you say "yes" too much, people may start to take advantage of you or just expect you to say "yes" even if you don't really want to...then the obligations start.

I want to let these women know how much I respect and admire them for saying "yes." I want to let them know that if I could, I'd give them the day off. I'd take their kids to the park while they recovered from their races. I think they deserve it and I doubt any of them got it. Even if their husbands (who are wonderful in my opinion) offered or gave them some "time off," these women probably didn't take full advantage of it. I love you guys (even if you're not reading) and all of the other women who find time outside of their homes for something more...something more is never easy to make happen, but you do it every day. Just imagine what the "normal" is if the "something more" is this great!

Random Thoughts/Questions For The Morning

1. Do they actually hear my alarm go off? How do they know that I'm out of bed? Once I step foot on the ground, one of the babies makes noise, waking the other one up, causing me to go in there and put them back to sleep. Thankfully they do go back to sleep, but how do they do it?
2. They're still sleeping...time for coffee and FB!
3. Okay, enough screwing off...gotta get the kids up!
   
4. What is it about Tupperware lids? Matthew walks around all morning clutching two/three Tupperware lids in his hands...what's that about? He just also acquired a FoodSaver bag...I should really get that.
5. The jibjab video that my sister made is hysterical!
6. Do they get sick of having the same thing every day? It's always a one-egg omelet, and either a blueberry waffle with syrup or jam toast. I alternate the waffle/toast, but are they bored?
7. I can't get over how much these kids like milk...especially Hailey!
8. Why are the curtains so entracing?
9. Hailey just tried climbing into the Tupperware drawer...if she keeps up, we'll be redoing our kitchen long before next Summer!
10. I make myself finish my vitamins before pouring my second cup of coffee...always an internal bargain with me!
11. How did that table get all the way across the room? (Hailey is enjoying pushing things around the house...it keeps her from having to accept the fact that she actually can walk, but just doesn't want to unassisted!)
12. I just got my first double cuddle...that made my day!
13. They love the vacuum.
14. I really need to get winter coats for the babies...where should I look?
15. I hate thinking about money.
16. I'm glad we ordered their Halloween costumes last night.
17. Can't wait to decorate the house...I can't believe that having kids has helped me to hate Halloween less.
18. If I didn't have a dog, I wouldn't vacuum every day...that's right, every day!
19. I can't believe I'm addicted to another game on FB! I'm a loser!!!
20. How did that chair get across the dining room?
21. Oh great...you both pooped! And it looks exactly the same (TMI? Maybe, but it's crazy sometimes how they're twins down to the very last detail!)! Yuch...wash your hands!
22. Why is the dog staring at me?
23. I wish I had some extra cash to use that Ann Taylor Loft coupon I got in the mail...they're just screwing with me to get me in the store. I love that place.
24. I think we'll do naps and then go to the later storytime.
25. What socks will the babies wear today?
26. Does Matthew look weird/gay/like a Raven's fan in that purple shirt?
27. Oh God, it's almost nap time.
28. I should read them a book or two.
29. They love reading...storytime will be a good idea today.
30. Time to go up for naps...Hailey first.
31. Matthew loves to run away from me...what will I do when he's faster than I am?
32. I love the blackout shades, but I wish we had measured more carefully...I hate having to wrap the curtain around the shade!
33. I have to get rid of those infertility meds!!!
34. What will I wear to storytime? I know this sounds petty, but I always feel like I'm wearing the same thing to certain outings and I just don't want them to think I have one "leaving the house" outfit! I just can't remember what I wore last week...wait, it just came to me. I can work with this.
35. I really don't want to fold the laundry.
36. Why is he crying? Lost his bink...what will we do when we try to break that habit?
37. I'm glad my sister is back for our morning "chats" online...I missed her over vacation!
38. I need to wash the floors.
39. I should end this blog b/c I'm really full of completely random thoughts, but I can't end it on #39 b/c that's an odd number and that just can't happen in my OCD world.
40. I need to fill my water bottle...I can't actually drink out of it until after storytime, but I need to fill it up. I can't drink out of it until after b/c then I'll have to pee and I can't leave them alone in the storytime room...that's just not right and Hailey would have a nervous breakdown. Matt wouldn't care...he's taken to sitting in other mothers' laps. Hailey would be pissed! So, no drinking until after storytime! God, my life has changed...I schedule my drinking now!
    

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Swing And A Miss!

You know when you're changing the diaper of a squirmy kid? Not that easy, right? This morning, I had to change a poop diaper and got myself all ready...Matthew is not an easy challenger. He bobs and weaves and tries to escape like I'm locking him up in Alcatraz!

This morning, I had him pinned down. I removed the diaper from under his bum. I had the wipe in hand. I go in for the big swipe...and miss landing the side of my hand squarely against one still dirty ass cheek. He moved at the very last second...he's a freaking contortionist! It was horrible. I hate when that happens and just had to share b/c I know I'm not the only one. All you want to do is jump up and down, scream "ewwwww!," and submerge your hand in boiling water, but you can't. You must continue with the diaper change and act as if nothing is wrong...after all, it's already bad enough for him, right? I hate when I miss!!!

Clinging, Stealing, Biting, Loving...This is My House

Clinging...Hailey has become very clingy since our vacation to the Jersey Shore. I don't know if it was because she was getting more attention there or what, but I am not good with clingy. She doesn't leave my side during Kindermusik, story time, or any other time that we're out of the house...and sometimes even in the house. It's gotten slightly better over the past week, but still noticeable. I know that I should love this time (and I secretly do), but I just want her to be an independent girl and not a "hanger." She was all over me when my Mom came to visit this past weekend, but she gradually opened up and started to trust my Mom too. We'll see how it goes...I'm just not used to her hanging all over me. It is cute though when she crawls over and puts her head on my legs...she is pretty cuddly...okay, maybe I don't hate it!

Stealing...Matthew steals everything that Hailey has. He could be totally into a toy or a task on the other side of the house, but if Hailey picks something up, he has to have it. The problem is, I don't know if I should discipline him for snatching or her for sharing. I'm pretty sure I should focus on him (which is what I have been doing). He needs to know that he needs to wait his turn. She gets so pissed off at him too...she can't stand it.

Biting...When Matthew steals something of Hailey's her first instinct is to bite him...at least, that's what it looks like. I really hope that I'm reading this wrong, but it totally looks like she's going after him out of frustration. If that's the case, I need to nip that in the bud. I have told her "no biting" and even done some time outs (which people say shouldn't be done until they're older, but there has been an impact with my kids). Our time outs consist of a child sitting on my lap, facing the wall, for approximately 60 seconds. During this time, the child will try to escape, but I remain calm and at the end of 60 seconds, tell them the correct behavior. Again, I don't know if it really makes a difference at this point, but I gotta do something!

Loving...Both Hailey and Matthew have become much more loving. They have started to give hugs and kisses (the kisses usually consist of the child pressing his/her forehead as hard as possible into mine). It's adorable. Today, Matthew got out of the stroller at Kindermusik, ran over to our instructor, and gave her a huge hug. It was adorable. Hailey is cuddling and putting her head in my lap, on my shoulder, or just falling backwards on to me to make sure I'm still there. Matthew spent 5 minutes standing next to me yesterday with his head on my shoulder...I just patted (is that right?) him on the back and let him do it. It was really precious. Matthew has tried to give Hailey kisses, but she repels him. I think that she believes he's doing something to her rather than just trying to be nice and she's so used to playing defense that it just takes over! She'll learn though...I think they're going to be really good friends.

Other tidbits...Hailey has taken to pooping in the tub at least twice a week...it's gross and we're starting to put her over the toilet to show her the we poop in the potty. Again, it may be too early, but we gotta try something. We're going away for our first weekend with both parents gone in a few weeks. My sister and her husband are coming in from Boston to take care of the babies (thank God). I'm nervous...not because of the fact that we're leaving them, but I hope they're okay for Manda and Jeff. We've started Christmas shopping for the kids...I love it. I bit the bullet and bought 12 month Fall clothes...I had to...they were tripping all over the place and looked ridiculous. I'm glad I did it.

That's all for now! Have a great day!

A Year Later, I Still Love All Of These Things! Some Things Never Change...

As I sat down to the computer on this chilly October morning (okay, I say chilly, but it's downright freezing! I can't believe it's so cold already...it was just 85 degrees the other day! Where did Fall go?), I started to think about where I was a year ago. I found this post from exactly a year ago and realized that things haven't changed as much as I think they have! I still love all of these things...perhaps rotisserie chicken even more!

Granted, handling the babies is a lot easier. Even though they're bigger and they get into more things, I would still take this over the helpless, non-communicative, "I don't know what the hell they want" stage. I have to admit, those weren't my best days. It all worked out though...they made it.

All of this reflection takes place b/c I need to make the call to register them for a 2's program next Fall...wait, weren't they just born? That's how it seems at least. This year has flown by and even though everyone tells me to enjoy every minute...it goes by too fast, I didn't need to hear that. I have enjoyed each minute regardless and even though it does go by too fast, it goes by and I am so privileged to have seen it. I also can't wait to see what comes next!

Call Me Cheap...I Can Take It!

As the cooler weather begins, I find myself in a conundrum. Matthew is clearly in 18-month clothes. He's not there height wise, but he sure is there with the fact that I can't get him in 12-month clothes anymore...the kids is a total brick.

Hailey is another story. I'll bet that if I bought her 12-month clothes, they'd fit for a little while longer. The thing is, I'm not going to go out and buy her new clothes just to have her grow out of them in 2 months. She's going to be put into her 18-month Fall clothes and I will roll the shit out of her sleeves and pant legs. I feel kind of bad b/c they're really nice clothes, but the rolled arms and legs give her a vagabond look...not what I was going for, but it's out of necessity at this point.

What would you do? Get her some 12-month clothes to make it through? Or just go with the 18-month clothes knowing that at least she'll grow into those.

She is also making her way around the main floor in an interesting way. She is using the clothes hamper as a walker...actually, she's using whatever she can find as a walker. She's still too afraid to let go and try it herself. Bill and I have gotten a few independent steps out of her upstairs in her bedroom, but I can't get her to try it while it's just us. Some people would say, "why don't you get her a walker?" Good point, but she's only going to use it for a month (tops)! I'm not going to spend any kind of money on a walker if I don't have to. Plus, she'll get there...I feel like I'm getting a walker for free with the hamper! God help Matt if he tries to do it with her though...she gets so mad!

I think that's all of the things that I can be called cheap for today. Clothes and a walker (or lack thereof). I'm sure I'll think of more...

October is nutty!!! (and poopy apparently)

So, the Girls' Weekend was great...Bethany Beach, DE is such a nice place to visit. I might think of moving there if it weren't in DE! I just don't understand that state...what is its purpose? Haha...who knows? It's kind of like Rhode Island! Bill did great at home with the twins. His parents came to visit on Saturday, so I think that was really good for all. He took them grocery shopping (the first time he's taken them our by himself EVER!!!) and was successful...too bad it was in the pouring rain! It really went well and it's so nice to know that I can leave the kids with their Dad for an extended period of time and not worry at all! Not all Mommy's have that luxury!

On Friday, I'm picking my bridesmaid dress up for my SIL's wedding. Then Bill can take it up to PA with him this weekend to get steamed and pressed. It's a cute dress...I just have to find some double sided tape for the top. Does anyone know where to get that? I'm a little nervous about how the kids will do with my sister and BIL here to take care of them...they've been more and more clingy lately and I'm not quite sure what to do. I know they'll be fine, but I just don't want to give my sister and BIL a rough weekend...we'll see how it goes!

We've been having some poopy issues around our house for the past few days. It's horrible...they poop and there is instant diaper rash. Our kids don't get normal diaper rash though...they get terrible red welt-y areas in their nether-regions that are impossible to get to heal! Our pedi even mentioned that they have very sensitive skin. Nothing in their diet has changed and they aren't showing any other symptoms, so I have to chalk it up to a virus and let it run its course. Hailey has started to get better, but Matt still has a bright red line on one of his cheeks...poor kids. Here's a question to all of you parents...when they start eating solid food, are their poops supposed to be solid? My kids' poops are still pretty mushy and I just want to make sure this is normal.

When I started writing, I really didn't know that I was going to talk about poop that much!

We've gotten rid of the Diaper Champ on our first floor...Matthew wouldn't keep his hands out of it (grossness) and it was really starting to smell, so that went out with the trash last week!

This weekend is wild (really? Did I really just write "wild?" It's anything but! It's crazy busy, but wild? I don't think so!)...we have a dinner party on Friday at our neighbor's house. We're bringing the babies and only staying for a little while. I don't want to be rude, but 6:00 start times are rough in our house...that's when we start to wind down! Saturday morning, I have to pick my Mom up at the airport at 9:05, drive back home, get the kids up and ready for their flu shots, Bill leaves for his bachelor party, my Mom and I are taking the kids to get their flu shots, and then back home again! That's more than I used to do in an entire weekend...much less one morning! I am growing up!

That's all of the randomness I can think of. Brie went to the vet for her yearly exam...she's 65 pounds now...she's lost weight. I wonder why...it can't be because these kids are running her ragged, can it? She needs to seen an optomologist for a spot in her eye...yippee...more money out the door! Have a great week everyone and I'll try to post some pics...I have a TON!!!

When I reread this post, it is so disorganized...please excuse me for that! That and the fact that I'm going to simply mention it...not actually fix it!

Girls' Weekend!

I can't wait...well, I can wait b/c I'm totally not ready, but I am really psyched about this weekend. I am going to miss my husband and my babies, but I am going to be able to hang out with my friends like a real adult! We're going to Bethany Beach, DE and three of my girlfriends from college are flying in tomorrow and I'm meeting them there after Bill gets home from work.

I have been so busy this week and haven't gone to the gym at all (except Pilates on Tuesday), but I am finding it hard to care! The gym is becoming one of those things that I could do without. Not because I'm suddenly in phenomenal shape or because I had plastic surgery that magically took care of my little gut. It's because there is so much else to do!!! Oh well...can't give it up now. Plus, I love Pilates and spinning...I just have to talk myself into the fact that I am worth the time. I also have to convince the kids that their nap schedule needs to work with my gym schedule. They're not taking too well to that lately!

So, anyway, I'm totally psyched to be an adult this weekend. I wish it weren't 3 hours away, but I can deal with it. I finally downloaded the pictures from our vacation last week and may even find time tomorrow to download them to the blog. We'll see...they're already on Facebook though...of course. Oh, and I sent them to non-FB family on Snap.fish. So, I'm good that way, but I have 5 million phone calls to return! Next weekend, Bill has a bachelor party in PA and my Mom is coming to visit. We also have flu shots...the fun never ends! The weekend after that is our only "free" weekend in October, but we'll probably be catching up on all of the crap that we haven't been able to get done with all of the crap that we've been doing. The weekend after that is a birthday party in Philly. The weekend after that is Bill's sister's wedding...that's a long time coming and I can't wait for it at all! It's going to be great. My sister and her husband are coming down to watch the babies and that makes me feel so relieved.

I hope everyone else has a good weekend too!!! I know I will!