Sunday, December 30, 2007
Shouldn't this be getting easier?
I am really trying to get excited, but all of the nervousness is taking over. Just when I finally accept the fact that I'm pregnant, I start worrying...I haven't had to pee like a race horse in the past 30 minutes, my boobs didn't hurt as much today as they did last week, I don't feel as nauseous today as I did yesterday. I'm totally overanalyzing everything and driving myself (not to mention my husband) bonkers!
He looked at me like I had 10 heads today when we went to CVS and I asked if I could get more pregnancy tests.
I just want to know that it's still there. He reverts to quoting medical documentation that tells me that if my HCG levels are over 2000, it's a viable pregnancy, but that doesn't seem to be enough for me. So, I didn't get the tests, but that's not to say that I won't get them when he's not with me. I'll take them in secret trips to the bathroom like a heroine addict...that's normal, right?
Then we had the dinner conversation. Salmon was out for dinner and I was getting excited for it b/c I really like salmon. Then he starts reading the books/websites to see if I can eat salmon or not. It's not like I was eating the whole freaking fish, but I just wanted a serving of it. Turns out, as long as I don't put my mouth at the end of a river and suck them all in like a grizzly bear, I'll make it through. Then (God love him) he has the nerve to say that when I make brownies, I can't lick the spoon b/c it has raw egg. Let me preface this by saying that he's probably right, but what pleasures can I enjoy at this point...wine is out, sushi it out, sex is out, smoking is not something I did to start with, but if I wanted to do it, I couldn't, lunchmeats are out (don't really like them either - except for the Italian Cold Cut subs that I'm craving)...I just want brownie mix. Plus, we hardly ever make brownies...I think he just said it to torture me! So, I whined for a while until he gave in saying that this is what we worked so hard for and if licking the spoon for the brownies will make me happy, then I can do it (just not the bowl). Thanks Captain Safety!
I really need to end this by saying that Bill has been great. He's been helping around the house and giving me snacks when I feel like shit. He's been carrying heavy shit, but I think that he likes to do that anyway...makes him feel more manly? I guess I can't fault him for wanting to make sure that we do everything right now that we're finally pregnant. This is why I married him...I may self-destruct without him!
Is it Friday yet? I need Beta or Ultrasound before I explode!!!