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Saturday, January 12, 2008

Weird Mind-F's

So, lately I've been faced with some weird issues for "someone who has wanted a pregnancy for so long, but still can't believe it's real." Today, I went over to my friend's house to look at her maternity clothes (I'm totally afraid of trying to get dressed in the morning and NONE of my clothes fitting). It went really well and I got some great things from her, but I'm totally afraid to bring them in the house! Somehow, in my weird mind, bringing anything into the house that actually proves that I'm pregnant will jinx the whole thing! How weird is that? I wanted this for so long...why can't I just accept it? What am I going to do? Keep squeezing myself into the clothes that are eventually going to bust? That's gross!!! No, I'll have to accept it and bring them in (tomorrow maybe?).

Tomorrow some of my college friends are getting together for some baby scrapbooking stuff. Two have already had babies and one is pregnant (out of her first trimester - lucky her). Not only do I not feel well enough to travel there and have a lot to do, but I am also scared that the moment that I start thinking this is really going to happen (e.g. creating cute baby things), I'll get screwed. This doubt that creeps in is so annoying...I hate it. I am so hoping that once I get out of my first trimester that some of this will subside...will it? Can it? So, I'll see them next weekend and things will be great and they'll make me feel excited (like they always do).

Other than that, today was good...ate my face off (shocker!), did some laundry, walked the dog, completed grocery shopping (my most hated chore EVER), and hung out with a good friend and her family for a little while. So, I nourished my babies, got some exercise, spent time with the general public, and socialized. Okay...I feel better now that I got out my doubt/fears/annoyances...glad to have an outlet so that Bill doesn't have to hear all of it!