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Monday, September 8, 2008

What I Think My Twins Think About In A Typical 2 Hour Period

Hailey: Urgh...what is wrong with this kid? Why can't this other baby keep a pacifier in his mouth?
Matt: This thing is so hard to use...it keeps popping out and I can't grab it!
Hailey: God, he screams like a girl...he keeps scaring me out of my sleep!
Matt: My arms are the scariest thing on Earth...all of the sudden, they move and scare the crap out of me!
Hailey: I love when Mommy feeds me...it's so relaxing.
Matt: Hey! What is this other baby doing here? I wanted Mommy all to myself. Well, when Mommy is lifting me over her, I'll just kick her in the face...there!
Hailey: Can you believe he just kicked me in the face and thought it would get me away from the boobie juice? Not gonna happen!
Matt: Mmmmm...sooooo sleepy...urg...why do we have to move to that crib? Mommy is so comfy! Ooh...I gotta fart...much better.
Hailey: I can't believe he's making such a big deal out of moving to the crib. Why does he freak out...it's pretty nice to have all of this room.
Matt: Oh God...all of this room just means more room for my limbs to scare the crap out of me! Oh no...where'd that damn pacifier go?
Hailey: Here we go again...he lost his pacifier...again. Poor Mommy has to come up the stairs...again. She must be getting tired!
Matt: Oh good...Mommy's here...thanks Mom. Geez...your boobs are getting big again...does that means it's almost time to eat again? I love to eat! Your back must hurt from those things!
Hailey: He's probably thinking about eating.
Matt: Oops...time to scream like a girl again...my hands scared me!
Hailey: Can you believe he did it again? Why can't he control those things? I wonder if he's always going to be around to wake me up?
Matt: I wonder if I woke up that other baby...maybe I should be quiet for like a second to make sure she didn't wake up...I'm not a complete jerk. Okay, I was quiet for a minute...enough time to let Mommy think that she didn't need to come upstairs...time to unleash it again.
Hailey: Oh, now he's screwing with her. I'm going to sleep.
Matt: I'll bet it's almost time to eat again. Why fall asleep when they're just going to wake me up to eat? Okay, I won't...I'll just figure out a way to get Mommy to pick me up early...maybe she'll feed me early without that girl baby! She'll probably pick me up if I cry really hard.
Hailey: I hope she doesn't feed him without me!