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Saturday, November 22, 2008

A Conversation Between Matthew and Hailey

M: I think that Daddy is dying Mommy's hair...that means that she has 30 minutes to let the color sink in...what can we plan in 30 minutes?
H: Oh...we can do a lot of damage in that amount of time...especially because they think that we're napping...try not to make a lot of noise...you know how loud you can be when you get excited.
M: Yeah...okay.

30 minutes later and much plotting finished...

M: Okay, did you hear Daddy just go out to walk Brie? That means that Mommy is here all by herself.
H: Heh, heh, heh...that's right. Let's just give out one yelp right now.
M: Okay...you do it.
H: Waaaahhhh!!!
(Mommy comes in, gives Hailey her binky, and wraps her back up...Hailey pretends to fall back to sleep...Mommy leaves the room ever so quietly)
M: OMG! It worked! She totally bought it!
H: Yeah...I know...I'm pretty awesome.
M: There goes the shower...get ready for some action!
H: Oh Matt...we have to leave enough time for her to get the hair dye out of her hair...that could do a lot of damage and I don't want to be walking around with a bald Mommy because the hair dye burned her hair off!
M: Good thinking...what would people think?

7 minutes later (Mommy has washed the dye out of her hair and has just applied the extra special conditioner that comes with dye in a box)

M: Here goes...I'm going to have to make this extra loud because Mommy is in the shower, so cover your ears.
H: God, you amaze me with your range of pitch and volume...you should record an album, you know?
M: Maybe someday...but first, we need to carry out our plan.
H: Good luck...take a deep breath!
M: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
M: Do you think she heard me?
H: I think that Fidel Castro heard you! That is truly phenomenal!
M: I know...I've been working on that one.
H: Oh, here she comes...I'll throw in a couple too. WAAAAHHH!!! WAHHHHH!!!

Door opens and Mommy comes flying in...the shower is still on...she goes over to Matthew's crib...

H: OH MY GOD!!! She's naked...that's freaking hysterical! I can't believe she's naked!
M: I know! What's in her hair??? Oh my God...she's leaking all over me! Oh wait...she's not leaking...she's dripping!
H: What? She couldn't grab a towel? You must have really freaked her out!
M: I guess so...oh shit, she's trying to wrap me back up again...she's getting water all over my face!
H: Let her have it!
M: WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
H: Oh my god...that was the loudest that you've ever screamed...she's really freaking out. Let me give her one...she won't know where to turn! I still can't believe she's naked!
H: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!! WAH!!!
M: She totally up shit's creek now...she has no idea what to do!
H: Oh God...now she's trying to calm me down...you're right! She's dripping all over the place! Oh gross...get off of me!
M: Where is she going? She can't go downstairs...she's naked! What if someone sees her?
H: She's going to slip down those stairs...I just know it!
M: Okay, that wouldn't really be funny right now, but it would in a few years...right?
H: Oh yeah...totally hysterical.
M: What does she have with her? The bouncy chair? I didn't see that coming!
H: What? Is she going to dry herself off with the thing that we sit in? Great idea Mom...
M: Oh no...she's taking me out of here...good luck Hailey! You're on your own now!
H: WAAHHH! WAH! WAH! WAH!!!

Mommy puts Matt in the bouncer, gives Hailey back her binky, and turns the water back on.

H: Hey! This isn't what I had in mind! How do I get out of here???
M: I can't fight it...warm air and raindrops sound so good...I must sit here and look at the lights on the bouncy. Can't torture Mommy anymore!
H: This sucks! I want to get out of here...no one can hear my cries...Matthew - HELP!!!
M: Hailey...just cry louder!
H: I can't! I'm physically unable to cry above the shower!
M: Sorry man...I'm chilling!

Mommy gets the conditioner rinsed out of her hair and gets out of the shower. She manages to get her slippers on when she hears dear Hailey.

H: WAH! WAH! WAH!! Oh cool...Daddy's home with Brie. I know he'll take me out of here and in the process, I'll make it look like Mommy was ignoring me! WAH! WAH! WAH!

Daddy goes upstairs just as Mommy is opening the bathroom door...she only has her slippers on...Matthew finds this hysterical.

M: Oh my God! Mommy is naked again! Doesn't she ever put clothes on?
H: Daddy's taking me downstairs...hahahahaha! You're stuck seeing a naked Mommy! I'm being read a story!
M: Shut up Hailey!

Mommy dresses herself and carries Matthew downstairs. She promptly hands him over to Daddy and starts to make the bottles...

M & H: We win!