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Friday, January 9, 2009

Renewal...

Yesterday was a good day for me...I really needed it.

First, two of my friends from college came over with their kids for lunch/play. It was great. One is moving to NY at the end of the month, so I was really glad to see her. She has a one-year old and a 3-month old. They are adorable kids, but they keep her running. She is always able to maintain her composure and is one of the nicest people I know. The other friend has a baby girl that is about a month older than my babies. She is so cute and it's so great to see what we're in for with our kids. She went back to work and I give her so much credit...that must be so hard! I think she's struggling with things a little bit and I think that getting together with friends was good for both of us. It was just nice to see mothers that I respect and hear that they have some of the same difficulties that I do. I think that validation was what I needed. In my head, I know that every Mom goes through doubt and questioning about what they're doing. It's just that when you're alone so much, you start to feel like you're the only one. It was just reassuring to hear some of their stories and reactions to different things.

Then I went to tutor...that gets me back to what I love to do which is help kids. I had three hours in a row and they all went well. I also saw a former student and heard something about her (she's the biggest pothead in the high school) which made me sad. She's adopted and has had some issues with it through her adolescence. Her Mom was great while I was pregnant and made us food and has twins of her own, so she knows what I'm going through. I showed them pictures and chatted for a little while. She's such a great kid...I just don't want her getting into trouble. I will keep my eye on her...

After tutoring, I met two of my friends from teaching for drinks...I really needed that. No, not the drinks (okay, maybe the drinks too)! I really needed to see them b/c they're staying at home with their kids and again...the reassurance that it's not just me is invaluable! We also talked about not working, husbands, family, friends, everything that we could. I didn't get home until 11:30 (at which point I crept around the house like a teenager sneaking in after curfew), but I feel so good today! I just feel validated and like I'm not the only one.

I love staying at home with my babies and wouldn't trade it for the world, but I got so much more immediate appreciation when I worked. It's funny to say that teaching gives you more appreciation than mothering, but at this point, it does. At least at work, I was able to do something and have someone (even a 14-year old kid) tell me that I was good at it. When I sing the ABC's (for the millionth time today), I doubt that Matthew or Hailey will look up at me and tell me that I did a good job. It's different appreciation though...when I start the ABC's, they both smile like crazy at me and that tells me that I'm doing something right. I am going to start to embrace this motherhood thing and reinvent my identity. I'm no longer a middle school teacher who is considered a leader...I am the leader of my own little tribe and believe it or not, they'll follow me anywhere!

I needed yesterday and really want to incorporate more social things in my calendar. Now that the kids are getting a little bit older and stronger, I think I'll be able to do that with more confidence. I think that I'm going to start a MyGym program after they hit the 6-month mark and Bill and I are going to start them in swimming at our gym around the same time. I can't wait for them to get into that pool...I wish I could video it, but then I'd have to put myself (in a bathing suit) in the video and I don't think that would be good for anyone! LOL...have a good day!