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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Self-Censorship

I knew it a while ago...I knew that I was being censored. It's not right...this is America. No one should have to be censored in this day in age. People should be able to express their views, tell stories, share jokes, and give their opinion without being worried about censorship. Who, you may ask, ask are you being censored by? Well, it is with a heavy heart, that I say MYSELF.

Why would you censor yourself? It's hard not to when you have a blog that you've shared with so many people in my life. I started this blog as a place to inform my family about our progress with the IVF and fertility treatments. It has morphed into a forum for me to post pictures of the babies, share stories, and give little anecdotes about things that I find humorous (in my sick little mind). It's actually a pretty good tool as we don't live near our families...it's a good place to catch up. However, I have found myself being very careful as of late. I am careful with stories that I tell (wouldn't want to offend anyone), jokes that I share (wouldn't want to confuse anyone), and pictures that I post (wouldn't want to cast anyone in a bad light). The fact of the matter is that this is becoming less about me and the kids and more about how careful I am being not to offend/confuse/disparage anyone else! There is the self-censorship...so sad, isn't it?

It's true...I'm not sure who reads it anymore from the "early days." However, it always surprises me when something from the blog comes up in everyday conversation. When someone in real life mentions it, I just about fall over...either in surprise that this person still keeps up with it or because I start scrambling my brain about whether or not I could have said anything to offend/confuse/disparage this person. Isn't that horrible?

I am seriously thinking of going with my gut and starting a blog with a password. I'd still do this one to share items that are "public knowledge," but there would be another one for my innermost thoughts...without having to worry about offending/confusing/disparaging anyone...God knows, I wouldn't want to do that...or would I? ;) Maybe I'll just stop censoring myself, write everything that comes to mind, and damn the consequences...living on the edge, aren't I?