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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Noise Nazi

Is anyone else out there a Noise Nazi while your babies are sleeping???

I am a shush-er...I shush everyone who enters my house. I shush my friends, family, husband, the dog, even the delivery people who never even enter the house. That's right...I put a note on the door that says, "Please don't knock...sleeping babies." What a loser, right?

I am also a measurer of decibels. I happen to know every single thing that I do quieter than my husband. This includes, but is not limited to, going up the stairs, shutting off the shower, closing dresser drawers, chewing, talking, cleaning up after dinner, closing the refrigerator, taking things upstairs/downstairs, getting ready for bed, and watching television. This seriously may be our number one reason for divorce! I'm sure I drive him nuts!!!

I do not turn the television up past level 6 (unless there is something wrong with the channel) and I don't really care it other people in the room can't hear it. If it's really a problem, I'll turn the captioning on...yeah...like an old person.

If possible, I wait until the babies are awake to perform the following tasks: empty/fill the dishwasher, vacuum (duh!), put my clothes away, bring things upstairs, cook, take the dog out, and several other things that I cannot recall at the moment.

I know that the fourth step down my stairs creaks and that I need to walk along the side to avoid that creak.

I request a WD40 repair at the slightest hint of a door creaking.

We have started to use the back door when the kids are sleeping b/c we live on a busy street and our stairs are right at the front door. Noise travels up those stairs like no one's business and so, we use the back door!

I really wish I could schedule my neighbor's lawn mowing sessions around the babies' naps! If I knew them better, I would!!!

I freak out if I mistakenly make a "toy" noise when putting their toys away. I am a nutjob about turning their toys off before I touch them and hate the ones that roll around b/c I can never find the switch before the noise is made!

The thing that really bugs me about being a Noise Nazi is that I never used to be like this! I used to love noise. Shit! I love noise now...we are so loud when the kids are awake...it's like Animal House in here and I love it! Before we had the babies, I used to watch Cold Case. I would sit up in my bed (Bill would be downstairs) and scream along with the theme song...yes, I love to be loud! When my sister would come to visit, she'd complain about how loud we were and we'd look at her like she was crazy. We just didn't have any clue what she was talking about! We would play with the dog...yes, the 65 pound dog with long nails...she'd run around like crazy and we thought it was funny. Poor thing...if she so much as ruffs a little bit, she gets shushed and accused of purposefully trying to wake the babies up. Nice, right?

I just need to know...is there anyone else out there like me??? Is anyone else so petrified of their kids waking up early from a nap that they'd like to wrap their home in soundproof material? Does anyone else resist the urge to put a bazooka to cars with muffler issues...on a daily basis?