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Monday, December 7, 2009

A Simple Trip To The Airport, Right? (Part Two)

So, there I am, late to pick my mother up from the airport, wet ass, and a cop with blazing lights behind me. This really sucks, but surprisingly, I'm not that upset. This is pretty much how the conversation (and my thoughts) went:

Copper: Good Evening Maam. My name is Copper with the Maryland State Troopers and I pulled you over because you were exceeding the speed limit by going 86 in a 65.
Me: 86!!??!! Are you kidding me?
Copper: No, did slow down when you passed me.
Me: Well, that's because I realized that you were a cop!
Copper: Can please I have your driver's license and registration?
Me: Okay...let me find it. Here's my license and I think this is my registration. Is this my registration? What does that look like? Oh God...he's going to think I'm drunk! Who doesn't know what their registration looks like? Well, someone who doesn't get pulled over a lot doesn't spend a lot of time with their registration...maybe that's what he's thinking.
Copper: Thank you maam...I'll be right back.
Me: Okay...text Mommy to tell her that you've had a slight delay. Can he give me a ticket for texting right now? I know he can while I'm driving, but I'm not driving right? He'll never even see me...I'll it do it really quickly. He's probably just checking my driving record right now...I'll beg for forgiveness when he gets back.
All of the sudden, another cop car with blazing lights pulls up beside the State Trooper...he proceeds to stop the traffic in the inside lane to ask the State Trooper if he needs assistance...that means that all lanes of traffic slow down b/c now people need to get around the second police car that has stopped to help! Ugh...this is so embarrassing...I'm really glad it's nighttime.

Copper: Maam, I clocked you going 86 in a 65 mph zone, but I bumped it down to 84 mph. This brings your fine down from $290 to $160.
Me: Thanks...are you sure I was going that fast? I honestly don't believe I was going that fast...I rarely go over 80 mph on this road.
Copper: Yes, were following me pretty closely.
Me: Oh yeah...that's right. God, my husband is going to freak out...I proceed to touch his hand at this point...don't ask me why...the last thing he told me before leaving was "don't rush." Ooooh...sorry for touching you.
Copper: Laughs...No problem maam.
Me: God, could you imagine if I had the babies in the car? He would have really killed me then! Haha...why the fuck am I laughing and making friends with this person...he's actually kind of nice and didn't reach for his gun when I touched him. I wonder when I can plead my case to him.
Copper: Maam, please slow down tonight and have a safe night. Here is your license, registration, and your citation.
Me: safe! I waved...WTF? Wait...I didn't get to plead my case. There's no way to get out of this...shit! I didn't know the procedure! I thought he would go back to his car, check my record, come back to me to tell me why he's giving me a ticket, and then I could plead my case. This sucks! I'm such a rookie...I have no idea what I'm doing. Shit...Mom texted me back. I probably should just put my crap away and get on the road since he seems to be waiting for me. Shit...that means he's going to follow me and I have to do the speed limit the entire way! Shit!!! I don't know if I can physically do that! Wait...what is this pamphlet...recruiting materials for the Maryland State Police? WTF??? Who gives that out with a ticket? Maybe he thinks I'd be good material b/c I can drive so well at high speeds...he's right. I am pretty awesome.

So, I get back on the road. Copper follows me for a little while and then proceeds straight when I got off of my exit. I proceed to call my sister back (wasn't this what got me distracted in the first place) and we finish our conversation. She also reminds me that had I not stopped to dry my ass off with the diaper, I probably wouldn't have gotten stopped at all. Well, thanks a lot! I pick my Mom up and decide that I won't tell Bill that night...I've got to wait. First of all, I still think the whole thing is hysterically funny and he wouldn't appreciate that...he wants remorse. Second, he was kind of in a bad mood when I left and he'll be tired and he's a real ass when he's tired...just not worth it.

I didn't tell him until the next day, but it bugged me all night. We're not the kind of people who keep secrets...I don't know why I felt guilty (because I was going to tell him), but I did. Oh well...lesson learned. Don't go the same speed as a cop (even though, really, aren't cops supposed to act as examples for us?)'s always a trap and make sure to plead your case before he takes you crap back to his car...I didn't do this and had no chance...idiot!!!