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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Snot Ball Kids

You know those snot ball kids who have snot dripping down their face into their mouth...aren't they gross? Well, this week, those kids are mine. I never thought I'd have the snotball kids, but I do. I still love them, but I just don't want to touch them!

All of those people who told me that it's different when they're yours...I don't think so! It's still freaking gross! I cannot even explain the amount of tissues that we have gone through. Did I mention that before having children, Bill and I rarely even bought tissues? If you had a sniffle, you'd be hard pressed to find a Kleenex...most people would have to use toilet paper. While I was mildly embarrassed by that fact, I was also proud of the fact that we rarely got sick!

Now? Forget about it! It's ridiculous how many tissues I run through a day! These kids are machines...I seriously don't know where it's all coming from! I am doing my best to keep up with it though. I am following/chasing/tackling them whenever I can to wipe their faces down. Matt has taken to turning his head away from me when I am on the hunt just so I can't see it. He's so sick of getting wiped down. Oh, and God forbid if I see a SNOT BUBBLE!!! I freak out and grab as many tissues as I can...that is the most disgusting of all!

Can you believe I am dedicating an entire post to snot? Well, I am...believe it! I am so grossed out and cannot wait for this cold to be over! I want to leave the house. I want to have my kids play with other kids. I want to leave them to cry in the Kids Zone at the gym (I have previously felt guilty about this, but I would do anything to let them cry in someone else's arms...let them deal with the deluge of snot). I want them to wear one shirt per day. I want to stop wondering what that dried up shit on their face is...let's face it, it's probably snot that has been wiped by their well-intentioned little hands. They don't know what they're doing, but they do know that it's gross...they get 15.5 months...they get it.

Did I mention the uncontrollable wretching that occurs when their little lizard tongues try to clean it up themselves? I freak out again when I see that...I know they're just trying to help, but really? Self-cleaning? GROSS!!!

How about when you run your fingers through your hair and you get stuck and you're like what the hell was that? You're pretty sure it's snot, but you try desperately to think of something else that could have gotten stuck in your hair...the truth is apparent though.

And so completes my complaints about snot...for now! Hey, at least I don't have overly-strong feelings about this, right? ;)