There is nothing good about freshly washed jeans.
I will wear them until I HAVE to wash them.
Does that make me gross?
I don't think so...I think it makes me smart.
So, how would my life be if I never washed my jeans?
Here's how:
- My thighs would feel comfortable. They wouldn't feel like sausage entering the casing at a Hillsh.ire Farms packing plant (go meat!). That (and the way I got into my jeans today) can be uncomfortably violent to watch!
- My ass would forget that the Muffin Man has been doing some serious "baking" to get the top of the ass all the way over the waist of my jeans! Yes...I consider the Muffin area part of my ass. As far as I'm concerned, most of my body issues stem from my ass. I blamed my cankles on my ass during pregnancy.
- My ass would never have to say, "have these pockets always been this small?"
- My legs wouldn't have to do the involuntary squats that it takes to pack all of the thigh meat into the jeans.
- I would feel like I was wearing my pajamas...yummy.
- My stomach would forget that I ever had twins...and the lovely wrinkly elephant knee that now resides on my tummy to go along with that! Instead, my tummy is bisected in ways that should never really happen. I am cursing the day that I asked my tailor to take these in (stupid non-pregnant skinny girl that I used to be). I may send him hate mail...haha...just kidding!
- I would still actually believe I lost weight!
I will never wash my jeans again...
I will never pick up a child while wearing my jeans (OMG...this is where I start lying...imagine that I never picked up a child while wearing jeans...I'd be screwed!), therefore risking a stain that would result in washing my jeans.
That's how this nightmare started in the first place...I took Matt out of his highchair after lunch and didn't realize (as I slid him slowly to the floor...him laughing the whole time...he thought it was hysterically funny...and it was...) that there was a carrot placed directly between his legs. So, as his slid down my tummy and leg, the highly pigmented carrot did too...nice.
So, while it was great to see him laugh his way to the floor, the horror that crossed my face while realizing that my jeans would HAVE to go into the wash must have been really confusing for him.
The big question...how often do you wash your favorite jeans???
Disclaimer: I know there are worse things that could happen in my life. I know that there are more serious issues I could blog about (for instance, the fact that some school district in the mid-West canceled their prom b/c a student wanted to bring her girlfriend and wear a tux...let the lesbians have their night too...who cares?). However, I also know that this an issue that many women deal with and should be discussed, right? Are those crickets I hear? I hope not!!!
10 comments:
I HATE washing my jeans too. HATE it. I avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid washing them. I might go months between washings (granted I may only wear them once a month some months).
Oh dear heaven, I am sorry Rebecaa, but that visual is HYSTERICAL! Well told and a great giggle. ;)
Have a great weekend!
Oh! And how often do I wash them? Not until a stain or tell-tale dinginess appears. ;)
Girrrllll, my jeans could walk by themselves by the time I finally accept that it's time to wash them!
Because I just got a new washing machine - I am pumped to wash anything and everything that is washable...but yes, I agree - freshly washed jeans are hard both physically and mentally/emotionally.
So do you dry your jeans...or are they hard from hanging them to dry?
never.
ok, that was a lie. but i would love if it was never! seriously though, i will rock those bad boys until i'm embarassed. and i don't embarass easily.
I'm not the only one who dances into her jeans-SCORE! I have the perfect jean system!! There are "going out" jeans perfect for tarjay runs and home jeans. The home jeans are usually never washed till they walk themselves to the washer. My "going out" jeans I only wear while I'm out so hopefully they never get dirty, Usually I just try to stay in yoga pants, sweaters or pj's. I really don't care what the neighbor man thinks of pink reindeer stretched across my ass!
I hate washing my jeans and don't do it often. I love your list and while, yes, there are more serious things to blog about, I love reading about the every day stuff that we moms deal with. If I want serious, I'll turn on the news. ;)
Btw, just to warn you, if you ever go to one of those glow-in-the-dark mini-golf places that use a black light, you might want to wash your jeans before you go there...OMG, was I embarrrassed!
OMG. I am laughing hysterically at the visual of Shell's comment!
Girl, I am proud of you for even wearing jeans in the first place! I can honestly say that since having children, I have never put on a pair of jeans. Pre-kids, however, I was also in the 'my-jeans-could-walk-themselves-to-the-washing-machine' club. At my skinniest, I had a pair that fit my ass PERFECTLY, and I would have rather cut off one of my fingers than wash them.
Somehow, I missed this post.
I only wash my jeans once they smell.
Yes, I'm being serious.
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