You may be asking who Captain Pecker is. You may not...doesn't matter. I'll tell you part of the story and you can figure out the rest. Every now and then Husband turns the shower on during baths. Hailey has always loved it, but Matt usually has a panic attack, stops breathing, and looks absolutely petrified at the water falling from the sky (ya know...like rain?) rather than already being in the tub. It seriously freaked him out. Recently, Matt has become a little more open to the idea of the shower...and so we introduce Captain Pecker. That's how I know Matt really likes the shower. Ladies and Gentlemen...this is the reason I could never have a male dog. I can't stop looking at Captain Pecker. I'm not a perv or anything...I'm actually happy that it actually works b/c he's always been so freaked out by us going anywhere near it! So, Captain Pecker is a obviously a sensitive being...who apparently loves showers (and long walks on the beach).
I am starting to really enjoy using the immobilizer in public...not because I get attention, but because it freaks other people out. It's gotta be such a confidence booster to see the lady who just pulled in after you swing her leg outside of her car to put her immobilizer on. Yeah...that's exactly who needs to be on the road...gimpy! I think I'm going to start saying things when I get out of the car like, "Whoa...that was a close one!" or "Whew! Didn't think we were going to make it here in one piece!" I'm kidding...of course. I wouldn't drive the Crazies around if it weren't safe...not very far at least.
So, I decided we would go to the library today...seemed safe enough. I would get some books and possibly some movies (gasp! The horror!!!) to occupy our time while I'm half the mother I used to be. What was I thinking?
- I stalked people for their parking spaces since parking is limited due to parking lot construction. I hate stalkers, but I had to do it.
- Hailey is so happy that she finally has someone to walk at her uber-slow pace...yes, it's me.
- We picked out some books and I decided the kids could play for a little while...let's face it...it's a break for me.
- This lady pulled a chair up for herself to watch (not participate) her kid play in the Kid's Area. Don't you think she could have at least asked if I wanted one? I'm standing around in a brace with two kids...she could at least ask!
- I finally find a place to sit down and start screwing around with the puppets...you know...because I'm a fun Mom. I do the voices and everything. All of the sudden, this motherbitch (thank Shell!) walks by with her two non-smiling kids. She was hideously cracking her gum and giving me a dirty look b/c I was making puppet voice. Seriously??? Gimme a break! First, I don't care if you crack your gum, but do it in private...it's rude. Second, you can give me dirty looks when my kids look miserable and yours are happy...just didn't seem to be that way today, huh? Third, be nice to me! I'm injured!!!
- Shoutout to the clearly adult sized woman sitting in the middle of the Kid's Area. If I tell my daughter to say "excuse me" to you five hundred times, get your ass out of the way. Your kid will be fine!!! Move your ass out of the way so that my daughter can clean up her crap and realize that using her manners will really get her places other than being ignored by YOU!!! Plus, I know you heard me...I just know it.
- We finally decide to leave. I pick up numerous toys that the Crazies didn't play with (those places drive me nuts as a former teacher b/c no one cleans up after themselves!!! My OCD comes on really strong and I just can't leave it without picking a few things up!). I gather my books. I say "hands" which clearly means "put your hand in mine so I can drag you to the exit." Matthew fucking takes off...running!!! Hailey is continuing at her leisurely pace. I yell (God, I yelled in a library...kill me now...I give dirty looks to those people), "Matthew!" He stops...thank God. As soon as I turn around to tell Hailey to hurry the fuck up, he's gone again. I start hopping...OMG HOPPING HURTS!!! I actually say to a library employee, "I can't do it..." and then she starts running after him. She catches him a few feet from the exit door (in some cases automatic doors really suck). So, that kind of leads me to believe that we should buy some sort of restraining device for our trip to Disney in October. It scared the crap out of me!
Things to ponder:
- I have no idea how disabled parents do this every single day...it's exhausting and scary!
- I am going to be much nicer to people who seem to need help. I'm pretty nice to strangers already and I definitely would have offered me a chair, but what is wrong with everyone else? I just don't get it.
- Maybe I come off as a bitch...I don't know. Who cares? Do the right thing...offer the gimp a chair and if she's a bitch, at least you know you did what was right.
14 comments:
Offer the gimp a chair. LOL
We used a "leash" for our 3 year old last year at Disney. No strollers in lines, so it's hard to keep them right there with you, especially in a long line, unless you want to hold them the whole time. And there were lots of kids using them.
Poor leash kids...
My mom told me I escaped mine when she tried to leash me...totally put a stop to that nonsense.
I can't believe all of this happened to you! It's a library for crying out loud.
I have no idea how you are doing all this. I've got bad arthritic knees and can not imagine chasing after 2 toddlers.
Oh...and I am the random Meghan who friended you on FB. I forgot that my phone doesn't let you add a message to a friend request. I saw that you commented on the SG link too
I give you HUGE props for actually taking the kids out by yourself on crutches!! You get the Super Mama award of the week!!
We had no shame using the backpacks (leashes) at Sea World. It makes it so much easier when you are in big crowds with tiny, little toddlers.
Wow, put me down for impressed. I don't know how your doing it. And it sounds like you could have easily gotten yourself into a fight with some of those lovely ladies you talked about in this post. :) Maybe wait until you have two good walking legs to start the fight.
Although I have faith you could kick some ass. :)
I love the first story. I totally agree, I can't have a boy dog either, the red rocket totally freaks me out.
Sometimes you just need to beat the manners into people(or their cars).
Boy dogs, worst mistake ever! EVER! Bastards piss on everything! Then there is the whole issue of it just calling out, hello! there's a carrying case!
I think you might be being a bit hard on yourself. Maybe you should have loosened the immobilizer and left the knee fall to piece again, made the woman feel bad for not getting you that chair! It probably could have jumped you to the front of the surgery line!
Lastly a leash? Really? The woman at work threatened her kids with a really big, thick rope from her aunt's farm and they never ran again! Her youngest son wore it once, she just tied it around his waist! Forever after there was an unspoken agreement that no one embarrasses mama out in public. I think that's the route I'm taking! It's all about fear and embarrassment!
maybe you should leash captain pecker!
Call your wonderful surgeon and get a handicapped parking thing. You are going to need it for a while. I have no solution for boy children running away. As far as I can tell they do that for the rest of their lives until they have a boo boo of some type.
Oh, I'm totally on the leashes - you got to do whatever it takes!
D says I'm bossy - I have no problem asking people loudly to help with things "would you mind holding open the door so I can push the pram through?" for instance LOL
I give you mad props for going out with the kids while you're hurt. I can barely do it when I'm rested, well and in a good mood.
I scoped out our library since our move with my oldest. There are several steep stairs you must climb to get into the library and then you can take an elevator to the kids floor. I don't know if I could handle taking all three with me, because the twins walking up the stairs would make me sick with worry. One slip and down they go these massive cement stairs.
If you want to continue to be crazy and take both kidlets with you, then you might want that leash system before heading out again.
I do something really cheesy with the kids when we walk together I sing "We're following the leader, the leader, the leader, we're following the leader wherever she (typically my oldest or I lead) may go." and continue in with the Peter Pan song and the kids seem to march, skip, and sing while we walk.
OMG thank the lord for the lady who chased Matt down for you! I leash Riley. It sucks, peole give me nasty looks, but whatev. I hold his hand, but he's a runner, so the second we let go of hands, he takes off. Without the leash I think he'd be off with gypsies by now
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