So, The Crazies are Taking Their First Plane Ride on Saturday

And I'm kind of a nervous wreck.

What's wrong with me?

Why am I freaking out?

I think I've thought of all the basics:

• Transportation - we bought new single baby strollers so that I could take one and G.G. could take one.  We just figured it would be easier.
• Activities - in addition to the requisite papers/crayons, I purchased those Doodle things and some Thomas the Trains (kill me now, but Matthew is seriously obsessed and he's quiet while he plays with them, so I'm selling my soul to the Devil Train).  G.G. purchased a bunch of stuff at Mich.ael's that they'll be able to play with.  I also think I'm bringing my laptop with some DVDs in case we get desperate.
• Diapers - I'm going to get a small package of overnight diapers.
• Drinks - Yes please!!!!
• Food - I'm going to purchase lollipops (which they've never had ever in their lives) for the ascent and descent.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm going to be perched like a vulture with a Wet One so that stickiness does not reign supreme on the disgustingly dirty airplane.

Then I read this article which basically just tells me how screwed I am...for real!!!

So, once again, I'm going to put my own spin on this article.  Let's see how this goes!

10 Ways to Tell if You're an Annoying Airline Passenger

1. You may find small inconsistencies here and there, but security regulations are pretty much standard across the board.  I always forget shit when it comes to security.  No, I don't forget that I can't bring water, but I forget the electronics and jewelry and shit like that.  On top of this, I'll have the Crazies (who I don't know how to get through security...do they walk?  Do I keep them in their strollers?  See?  Security-tard) and a laptop...I have no idea what to do with the laptop!
2. Standing still on the people mover.  I would never do this in a million years.  I'd rather kick the people in front of me than stand still...even with a bum knee and the Crazies.
3. Carry-ons and overheads  Ugh...I'm considering sitting in a regular seat just to have use of the space below the seat in front of me.  I hate standing up and pulling shit out of the overhead bins.  I am always that girl who drops something on some unsuspecting person's head.  People are going to hate me enough b/c I have two young kids without then physically assaulting them trying to get freaking crayons out of my bag.
4. Be accommodating to your seatmates and fellow passengers, without being creepy.  No worries...I won't even think about talking to anyone.  I'll be too busy, but there will inevitably be people that want to talk to me (ooooh...are they twins?  Wow!  He's a lot bigger!  You really have your hands full.  Are they going to cry?  Is this their first flight?) and I will do my best to be "fake nice."
5. Whoa there, Burger King, go easy on the smells.  Let's face it...I may have no control over what smells we give off, so I'm leaving this one alone and praying that no one poops on this flight.
6. Surely, you've heard? All portable electronics, mobile phones, laptops, etc. must be switched off during take-off and landing. Think this rule is just a bunch of hooey?  But what if the videos on your phone are the ONLY thing that is preventing your kid from having a complete panic attack b/c the plane is "too loud?"  Nah...just kidding.  I hate the people who wait until the attendant asks them...just plain rude and you're wasting everyone's time.  Let's just get this bird off the ground!!!
7. Kicking and screaming.  Excuse me...I just threw up a little in my mouth.  This is a complete possibility.  I'm hoping they'll be in such awe that they'll just be silent.
8. Clapping upon landing? Really?  Seriously...dorks do this.  You can clap for Captain Sully if you're floating down the Hudson, but that's about it!
9. Stay seated until the aircraft has reached the gate.  Can I get a special memo about this for the Crazies???  Something tells me they're going to be chomping at the bit!
10. Once at baggage claim, all sense of personal space seems to go out the window.  I have a lot of fear about baggage claim...mostly due to my inability to move quickly, lift heavy objects, and maintain control of my children.  We'll see how this goes.

So, while I appreciate Yahoo for publishing this article b/c it did remind me of some very important things, it has also thrown me into a panic!!!!!  That and installing the car seats at the Hertz place...I have never installed car seats, so I should probably get a tutorial from Husband before I leave, right?