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Monday, November 29, 2010

Oh's freaking bedtime

Seriously, I don't know if I'm an anomaly, but bedtime at our house is anything but calm and soothing...for serious.  This is pretty much how it goes.

  • Beg Crazies to come up the stairs.
  • Pray that someone doesn't get kicked or knocked down the stairs.
  • Rip their clothes off them while they fight to be the first one in the shower (or beg not to take a shower at all...depends on the day).
  • Make sure they put their clothes in the hamper (this one is pretty easy).
  • Pray they don't pee all over the floor in their haste to knock the shit out of the other one on the way to the shower.
  • Help them get into the shower.
  • Remind them Matt 5,283,532,677 times not to get water outside of the tub.
  • Freak out when they Matt pour an entire capful of water directly on the floor...outside of the tub (yes, we finally started putting a towel down, but it's the point).
  • Wash the Crazies through their protests.
  • Ignore Husband's dirty looks b/c I find something really important to do in another room during bathtime (I swear...this time of day sends me over the edge).
  • Rip fighting Crazies out of tub.
  • Argue who gets to go with Mommy.
  • Squabble over who get to brush their teeth first.
  • Rip inappropriate, but very interesting objects away from Crazies.
  • Carry giggling Crazies into bedroom (okay, this is fun).
  • Almost drop squirmy Crazies onto floor to get diapered and dressed.
  • Wrestle skinny little arms (that have seemingly turned to spaghetti) into pajama shirts.
  • Nail Crazies to the floor to brush their hair.
  • Get yelled at by Crazies to "sit down" or "turn around."
  • Brace ourselves for "running."  This is where the Crazies will run back and forth from the hallway into our arms and get lifted into the air.  It's complete madness.
  • Tell them it's time for bed.
  • Ignore "NOOOOOO!!!!"
  • Give binks and lovies and decide how they want to enter their cribs.
  • Get pissed b/c they're screaming at you for doing the wrong thing (they can blast-off, flip, or climb...WTF?).
  • Retrieve thrown binks/lovies b/c you did the wrong thing you freaking idiot moron parent.
  • Ask who wants to be tucked in.
  • Ignore Crazies who are encouraging each other to "JUMP...jump, Hailey, jump!"
  • Ask who wants to be tucked in.
  • Tell them we're leaving and kiss them good night.
  • Put music, sea turtle (yellow), and ladybug (red) on and say good night again.
  • Ask one more time who wants to be tucked in.
  • Get yelled at because Daddy didn't give a Big Kiss.
  • Say good night through gritted teeth b/c you just want to get the fuck out of there!!!
  • Close door.
  • Try to ignore screams b/c suddenly Crazies suddenly want to be tucked in (oh, and Matt needs lotion on his feet...of course).
  • Go back in and tuck them in...wipe snot, put Matt under pillow, restart Hailey's music.
  • Get our asses downstairs and wait for Matt to fall asleep an hour and 20 minutes later.
It's any of you actually have a calm bedtime routine???  We have tried with the books.  We have tried to wind things down.  These two are like two little tornadoes who just don't know how to stop!

Disclaimer:  Bedtime might be totally nuts, but I have mornings down to a science and love my mornings with the Crazies.  Right now, they're reading books while I'm making breakfast and listening to Christmas music.  I never thought I'd say this, but I love mornings around here!


Mom said...

YOU should sleep well after all that! Love the lotion on the feet - who taught him that?

Manda said...

jeff is the same way at bedtime ;)

Amy said...

My guys were like that when they were toddlers. I described bedtime as their last "Hoo-rah" for the day. Running! Screaming with delight! I think part of the problem was that I was exhausted; I think my perception was distorted due to my complete lack of energy in the evening.

andrea said...

oh toddlers. so demanding.
(am very lucky in the bedtime department, but I can see that changing before I know it...)

now, who tucks you into bed, puts lotion on your feet and gives you a bottle of wine?!

Carrie27 said...

Ours is pretty calm. We do baths 30 minutes before bed time most nights. Let them play and run it out of their systems (like wet dogs). We march up the stairs to their room, all three sit with me/daddy while we read one maybe two stories together. Hugs, kisses, and each to their bed with their blankies on top, a cup of water, and a book of their choice in their beds, turn on their light music player and done. That's the twins.

Oldest, she gets to do something special for 20 mins after the twins are in bed, then I read a story, give her her tag reader (she uses the bathroom after being tucked in), comes back to bed, turns on her million +1 lights and music player.

Danifred said...

No, it's not calm over here. My husband and I have actually discussed not feeding the children because after dinner, everything goes straight to hell. It's like they lose their ever-loving minds or something.

Mandy.Marie said...

Wow, I give you so much props! I would lose my mind after all of that! :( I lose my mind during my daughter's (13 months) bathtime routine and it's so much calmer. Getting in the tub (great), cries when I wash her (not to bad), getting out (upsets her a little bit), put diaper/clothes/lotion on (she has a screaming fit!!), but then calms back down to brush her hair and teeth. Give her a cup of milk and read her a story. I put her to bed and give her her bear and lights out. Pretty easy! Then again, I have one crazy child.. you have two!

The Captain's Wife said...

Wow! I am exhausted just reading it. Little K is super chill at bedtime. Although lately she has had a bit of a melt down when it is time to get out of bath, but she gets over it pretty quick.

We do:
Massage (she LOVES a good massage!)
Bedroom playtime for about 10mins
2 books
lights out and snuggle time for about 5 mins
into crib and see ya in 12 hours!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Ours is very calm BUT if they're overtired - whoa, watch out.

Which is why I guard bedtime so closely.

Still, even if they scream - it's 20 mins max til they're out.

P.S. please note I did not write this on my blog so there is no need for me to be jinxed!

Cara G. said...

Ours is crazy, too! Definitely a two person job with 2 kids. Maria has now realized the power she has with the sentence "I have to go potty." She gets out of her room by herself now (which she just discovered she can do even though she's been in a big girl bed for over a year) And most times she doesn't have to go potty...she just sits there. But I worry that the one time I tell her no, she's going to shit her pants...I just know it. I'm jealous of your mornings...those are just as crazy for us, as well!

Meghan said...

I'm so glad we aren't the only ones with a nightmare bedtime. I swear it all went to hell the day she turned 2. It's even worse now that she's out of the crib

Sarah said...

Unfortunately, there are 2 bedtime routines in my house, one during the week when I drive dh to work, and one for weekends. During the week is definitely easier: bath (some nights), pjs, brush teeth, snuggle on couch watching tv until it's time to get in the car. He always falls asleep in the car. Then I just put him in bed, and all done.

On the weekend, there is usually a huge tantrum after brushing his teeth. When he calms down, he drinks some water, snuggles in the rocking chair, and then he lays in bed and I rub his back until he's asleep while his night-time music plays.

Cottongirl7 said...

Your mornings sound wonderful! Our bedtimes are pretty easy now. We have been doing the same thing sense the kiddos were 6 months old so that helps. We tell the kids its time to brush, they head to the bathroom and get their brushes from us. We set the timer for 2 mins. The timer beeps and they hand us the toothbrushes. We all go into the bedroom and I change one girl and my husband changes the other. We all 4 (plus the dog) sit down and read a story. Then Abby says Night Night and walks to her crib. Izzy then asks to be picked up. We put them both down, cover them up, and Abby tells us Bye-Bye. Thats our cue to leave. We are dang happy with this routine. I hope it doesnt go horribly wrong soon. I feel darn lucky. :)

Barbara Manatee said...

My 3, for whatever reason, seem to get all riled up in the bath, too and its hard to get them settled down. They are either silly and crazy or grumpy and crazy...rarely is calm and quiet the mood for the evening. I hate bath time too...hubby always did bath time when they were was "his thing" to take over as I did most of the other stuff during the day...but now that they are older, I'm pretty sure he dreads it as much as I do.

Barbara Manatee said...

PS...why can't kids just clean/lick themselves like animals do?

Mandy said...

Barbara Manatee-you're amazing! I wish the kids licked each other clean!

I am happy to say, bedtime is quick and easy here! They willingly participate! They hit the crib after bath, teeth, book and lay down. That's it!

Adriane said...

Sounds pretty similar to ours!! We still do baths (not showers) and there is some fighting for teeth brushing, toys, etc. We let them run naked for a while afterwards, which is complete mayhem and then tackle them to put their diapies and jammies on. I have found that when I do bathtime early - about 7pm - they're good for bed around 8pm. Bath definitely winds them up and they need a good 40 minutes after to calm down.

We get yelled at too for not doing things right.

Jill said...

THANK YOU for writing this!!! I had just told my husband that NO ONE else's nights sucked as much as ours. So glad to know we're not alone!!!! I even sent him a link to it and he got a laugh out of it. Misery loves company??? ;) As busy as my girls are, I think they'd collapse at bedtime (I know I want to!)...sigh...

Adventures with Riley Easter said...

-art/ Playdoh time
- bath
- PJs on
- Brush and floss teeth
- chat about our day
- stories
- tuck in

somehow this works best
good luck!