Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Back,

How could you do this to me? You know how much I have to do during a given day. How could you totally spaz up on me? I don't know what I did wrong...yes, maybe I allowed Bill to sleep on my shoulder for 30 minutes the other morning thereby making my shoulders uneven. I really don't think this punishment is on the same level as my offense.

Please think about what I need you for. I need you to pick up kids (the light one is okay, but the heavy one is rough!), put kids down, change diapers, clean up, play with kids, put kids in car, take stroller out of car, put kids in stroller, push stroller, take kids out of stroller, put stroller back in car, bring kids up/down stairs (sometimes both of them together...we can't jeopardize that, can we?), singing Itsy Bitsy Spider 5 times in a row, driving, walking, getting dressed, showering, cooking, cleaning, getting kids in highchairs, feeding kids, picking up multiple pieces of food that I don't want the dog to eat, getting kids out of highchairs, tickling kids, wrestling kids into their outfit of the day/hour (especially when they go limp for no apparent reason...do you know how much that sucks??), spending countless minutes looking for sippy cups, and anything else you can think of. Dear Back, you are indispensable to me.

Yet, you've let me down. You've let me down to the point where I may have to go see a doctor again. I took an expired muscle relaxer last night...how's that for desperate? Please please please go back to normal. I cannot possibly make time for physical therapy like I did last time. You are my everything...if you let me down now, I just don't know that I'll be able to trust again.

Oh, and let's not even forget that I'm trying to get skinny (okay, maybe that's not the word...maybe I just don't want little fat pockets testing the strength of my jeans every time I sit down)...that involves working out, Dear Back. How can I possibly work out when you are taunting me at every turn? Jostling my back on an elliptical just to get some cardio in? I can't even fathom. Yeah...I'm supposed to do pilates tonight...I can only imagine what you have in store for me then.

Dear Back, please listen to what I am saying. I need you. I will not misuse you again. You are my everything and if you come back to me (full strength), I will be forever indebted to you. Fondly, Me