- I have only brought my kids into a public restroom once...it was on the day of the Baptism and I was totally skeeved the whole time. I couldn't find the changing table (can you even call them tables? They're really glorified folding shelves), so I changed them on the counter in between the sinks. I can't believe I did it, but who would have thought that the changing shelf would be in the handicapped stall? WTF???
- Why do some people feel the need to wallpaper the seat with toilet paper...and then leave it there when they're finished? WTF?
- If you squat, please clean up after yourself...if you don't, you're gross...enough said.
- Do you seriously need to squat? What are you so afraid of? Clean off the seat, sit down, do your business! Is there some mysterious ass disease that I don't know about? WTF?
- I may never leave the house when the twins are potty-trained. They touch everything and people are friggin gross! Is there seriously water hot enough to clean all of the public restroom germs off of their hands? I'm no germ freak, but public restrooms really gross me out...could you tell?
- What is with some of the smells? Some of you ladies need to see a doctor...or a nutritionist. WTF???
- Speaking of potty training, would I be a bad mother if I direct my children to a nice grassy field rather than allow them in the public restrooms? Let us become one with nature!
- Is it wrong of me to absolutely love the handicapped stalls? I know I shouldn't be in them, but maybe that's part of the mystique! WTF is wrong with me?
- If the people who were in charge of running public restrooms would just buy higher quality toilet paper and paper towels, I wouldn't use so much. Aren't we all about "being green" and crap like that? Give me a nice roll of Quilted Nor.thern and some Bou.nty and I'll be less wasteful. Enough with this Sco.tt crap! See, it's always someone else's fault. WTF???
- Must you all be such freaks when grabbing the door handles? Do you really need to wrap your freaking hand in your shirt to open the door? Just get the hell out of my way...I'll hold the damn door for you! WTF???
- You know how some kids are afraid of those automatic flushers? I really hope my kids aren't afraid of the automatic flushers (BTW...a post-it over the sensor will cure this problem...unless you're like the little girl I encountered in the gym the other day who is just afraid of all public toilets. She shouldn't read this post). Seriously? I get it...sometimes I feel like it's going to whisk me away to some remote island in the Caribbean...hmmm...maybe I should stop fighting it!
- Bottom line...clean up after yourselves...if you feel the need to squat, be respectful and realize that you're not the last person that will ever use that toilet. If you have some "lady issues," please dispose responsibly. Make sure your paper towels end up in the garbage and if it's full, at least get it close...the floor is not your personal garbage can. Finally, if you know that you can be quite odoriferous, maybe you should invest in a travel size air freshener...to stick up your ass! Hahaa......sorry...I just had a glass of wine. That distasteful joke just slipped out to make sure you actually read every single word of this entertaining post!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Ladies...get it together! You are gross!!!