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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Husband, You Say The Nicest Things

Setting: First nice day of Spring. We're going to take the kids and the dog for a walk since miraculously, I don't have to tutor. The kids are excited. The dog is ballistic. Husband and I are just trying to make it out the door without killing anyone's spirit by stepping on a little foot or tail.

Wardrobe: When Husband first got home? Sweatpants, t-shirt, and baseball hat...yes, I'm a hottie. Explanation? I had a busy busy morning (i.e. rushing out of the house because of the cleaners to Target where I scored sneaks and boots and then somehow made it to the gym as well). I also gained a headache at the gym and couldn't get rid of it because the Ad.vil is upstairs and God forbid the Noise Nazi go up the stairs during naptime! I did change into workout capris, kept the baseball hat, and put on a green sweatshirt...happy freaking St. Patrick's Day, okay???

Script:

Wife (descending from second floor): Ugh...I hope this headache goes away soon! It's killing me!
Husband: You don't have to go...if you want to stay here, that's fine.
Wife: Do I look like a dyke? (not that there's anything wrong with that...Seinf.eld)
Husband (light circling his head because he's an angel for this next one): What? No, you actually look like one of those celebrity Moms out for a walk with their baby.
Wife (stars in her eyes): Oh really? Thanks!

Now, there are days that I might dismiss the "celebrity" comment as I am perpetually amazed by their inhuman ability to lose weight immediately after childbirth and therefore, I believe they're all fakers. Today was different. I took the compliment and ran with it...putting my sunglasses on and sashaying out the door! Take that, Gisele!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day...these kids can drink!

Woohoo! Party up Irish people!!! I love Guiness!!! I love green beer! I love Irish coffee!!! What? There's no Guiness in this cup? WHAT? I'm too young to drink? This St. Patrick's Day is nothing like I thought it would be!



He's hiding because he thinks I'm going to call a SOCIAL!!! Ha...I am...as soon as he turns around. He's going down! Luck o' the Irish, my tushie!!!


Hailey drinks me under the table every time...damn green beer!

Beautiful green shirts are compliments of Aunt Manda - Boston!!!
No children were injured or given alcohol in the duration of this photo session...or at any other point in their lives.

Is it me? Or are St. Patrick's Days a lot different than they were ten years ago?

WTF Wednesday - Physical Abuse (admit it...you're a victim too)

  • The hitting.
  • The scratching.
  • The kicking.
  • The pinching.
  • The standing on my joints.
  • The excited grabbing at my very white legs which you haven't actually seen in months.
  • The attention paid to my boobs in public...you don't really have to hide the shaker in my bra during Kindermusik.
  • The repeated yanking/pulling of my hair.
  • The resisting while I try to close the refrigerator.
  • The getting poop on my hands (yes, I consider that physical abuse).
  • The muscle strains I get while lifting a completely rigid child into a car seat.
  • The early stage arthritis I am battling in my hands from child safety locks/car seat buckles/flies on baby jeans.
  • The attention given to my eyelashes.
  • The cracked cuticles and scraped knuckles received from repeatedly replacing tupperware lids in the drawer and closing it too quickly.
  • The slight concussion received from being beaned in the skull by a toy telephone while playing after lunch one day.
  • The using my eyebrows as a handle to climb up my frontside!
  • The tummy...let's not even get into the tummy.
  • The entirely "relaxed" (translate fat and wide) feet I'm getting from wearing sneakers/flats every.single.day.of.my.life.
  • The hunchback I'm slowly gaining from walking two little kids in and out of every single building in the world.
  • Heartbreak - this I suffer whenever I have to say "no," protect a child from his/her sibling, take away a snack cup, or generally make a little one upset (whether it makes sense or not). My heart breaks when those blue eyes look up at me and spill those big fat tears...what can I say? Maybe I'm really a sap at heart!
The aggressors? My little ones...brutal, aren't they?

You know you're all victims too, so link up below and describe some of the physical abuse you've endured as a parent! These kids are vicious!

Disclaimer: All of these points are exaggerated...I know there are real victims of physical abuse...I don't mean to light of this...again, it's how I get through the day sometimes.

Brag moment: I think I successfully used McLinky...tell me...did I??? I'm so badass!!! If it worked, link back to my blog...give me my props!