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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Not Doing Enough

Have you ever had something happen that really made you question whether or not you're doing enough? I had that something happen this weekend...a phone call...in the middle of the first day of Spring.

I was giving the kids their lunch. I ignored the first phone call b/c I was knee deep in getting plates and sippies to the high chairs. I answered the second on the advice of Husband who said, "it could be an emergency." He was right...it was an emergency.

Was anything wrong?

No.

Was anyone hurt/sick/in an accident/in the hospital?

No.

Did this completely random phone call make me realize that I'm just not doing enough?

Oh yeah...

There's not much more I can say without giving it all away.

It's haunted me the whole weekend. Did I give the phone call the time it deserved? Did I answer the questions appropriately? Did I make this person feel important enough? Does it even matter? This person was rude, overbearing, giving, obnoxious, needy, nice, and in trouble (confused? So was I.). This person is unlikely to remember the phone call at all. That alone makes me realize that I'm not doing enough.

It was sincere. It was hurtful. It was sad. It was maddening. It was nice. It was confusing. It was rambling. It was nonsensical.

I'm not doing enough.

I spent the next hour doing any manual chore I could find to get my mind off of the phone call...obviously it didn't work...at all.

I'm not doing enough for so many people in my life and I don't know how to fix it. It's so weird...I used to be the person that said yes to a lot of things. I would do my best to make it to events, send cards, return emails, return calls, make visits, make efforts...I don't have that anymore. The more I try to give, the less I have to give and, let's face it, I have more to give to. I have these two little ones who need A LOT and I feel that their needs are completely taking over my ability to be there for everyone else.

However, isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing right now? I'm supposed to be being a Mom...a good Mom...a Mom who takes care of her kids and puts them first.

I don't know...

Does anyone else have this problem? I know I can't be the only one.

I just don't know what to do. Obviously Saturday's phone call was an open window...now let's see if I can fly through it somehow (OMG...it's like I think I'm a freaking angel or something).

Getting To Know You

Ah...it's Sunday again...the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and love is in the air (gag, puke, wretch)! I love spring!!!


Here are this week's questions:

The questions..

1. What year did you graduate high school? 1992 (God, I'm old...I was tutoring a girl the other night who was born the year I graduated college...Fountain of Youth...where are you??)
2. What part of your body do you neglect the most? Teeth...even though I brush twice a day, I rarely make it to the recommended 2 minute mark and really need to get better about flossing. I'm not gross or have food hanging out of my teeth...I could just do better.
3. Beach house or Lake house? Beach...definitely the beach...you can all come visit!
4. Mac or PC? We have three PCs (laptops...are those still considered a PC?) and one mac (mine...all mine!). Can you tell my husband works in computers? Only people whose careers are involved in computers have more than two (or if you have really spoiled kids)...it's ridiculous!
5. Did you wear braces? Yes...my sister and I got them on the same day and my mother made us roast beef for dinner...what a tease! The braces now are so much prettier now and I'd definitely get invisalign...that stuff is awesome!
6. If you could be one person for a day..living or deceased..who would you be? Bill Clinton or the hot chick from Lost...Bill has got to have a good deal of fun in a day and I'd love to hear his thoughts. I would choose the hot girl from Lost so I could feel my awesome biceps all day long.
7. How many times have you moved in your life? Oh God...13 or 14 or 15 times? They were mostly in my twenties, but I moved a bunch of times. The one thing I miss about moving every year is purging my belongings...I feel that I'm holding onto too many things. I loved to get rid of things. My favorite place was an apartment/death trap in Ocean Grove, NJ that was 5 houses away from the beach. No one liked to visit me though b/c they thought it was a safety hazard that the bathroom was practically hanging off the house (everyone would "hold it" until they left). I also spent an entire summer in that apartment without air conditioning just to prove that I could. That place should have been condemned, but I loved it. I hope my last move will be into aforementioned beach house.
8. Would you rather cook or clean? Cook...100% cook...I love to cook and make culinary masterpieces...my kids would rather have chicken nuggets. I will also be a better cook when I have a larger kitchen. My current workspace is 2'x3' and it just isn't doing the job! Plus, I only clean when I'm really pissed off, so I don't want to be really pissed off...Husband used to purposefully annoy me into cleaning when he thought it was getting really bad around here. What an ass, huh?

Play along with The Land of Mann! I feel like I learn something new about myself every week!