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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Ebb and Flow

Ebb and flow (definition from dictionary.com): A decline and increase, constant fluctuations.

I know that all marriages go through ebbs and flows...ours is no different.

We go through life with this person by our side. This person is supposed to be our complement, our support, our counterpart.

It's okay not to agree with everything that this person thinks and does though.

That's okay.

You're not clones...you're complements.

Complement (definition from dictionary.com): something that completes or makes perfect, the quantity or amount that completes anything, either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole; counterpart.

Here's the thing though...can anyone really make you perfect? I think that's an overly romanticized idea. Maybe I'm just being too practical again and not emotional enough.

Where is the love?

Is there love? Of course there is...it just comes out in different ways now.

Husband and I make a good team in lots of ways. We can work well toward a common goal. We pick up the slack if one of us is having an "off" day. We encourage each other on goals that take us outside of the household (i.e. his ten-mile race or my education).

In some ways, we don't work well together. When there is too much stress, we don't communicate. When we don't communicate, things get misinterpreted. When things get misinterpreted, we bicker over ridiculous things.

I hate it.

I hate the lack of communication, the misinterpretations, and the bickering. I hate the snippy comments, rolling of eyes, and thoughts that creep into my head. I despise when these things happen in front of the kids.

Husband says that it's a normal part of a family. He says that he saw his parents fight and make up and he's fine. I guess it's different when you come from parents who got divorced...you don't get to see the "make up" part. You don't even really know it exists.

Don't I want my kids to see both sides? Well...that's a tough one. I think it's good for them to see a marriage work...with all of its beauty and ugliness, marriage is work.

Don't they need to see both parts to form a comprehensive picture of what marriage is? Hmmm...okay, yes.

By seeing that, will they have a healthy idea of how to choose a mate and create a household? Yes.

I can't believe that I'm going to set an example for two children of how marriage works...or doesn't. That's a lot of responsibility. I wonder if most parents realize how much responsibility that really is. Do they know that kids catch every single comment, eye roll, and flickering thought that passes over their parents' faces? They see it all and it imprints on them in some way.

It could be the way they treat their siblings.

It could be the way they treat their friends.

It could be the way they treat their parents.

It will be the way they treat their future spouse...wow...it most certainly will be that.

That's a huge responsibility.

So while dealing with the daily ebb and flow of life, we need to realize that in addition to sustaining our own marriage and making life work in our household, we are also influencing future relationships and marriages and kids (if you really want to complete the cycle).

For all the pictures I take, I have stopped taking pictures of me and Husband...that makes me sad. I need to start doing that again...

Not sure what my objective is of this post...I have been thinking a lot about marriage this week (God, it's only Tuesday...what will Friday bring? World peace?) and sat down to write about it. This is where I ended up. Interesting...I've never been much of a "rough draft, edit" person...I like that about myself.


What is the most difficult part of your relationship? Whether you have kids or not, I think we all know that marriage or any kind of partnership takes work...how do you work on it?