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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Toddlers...blah

I've never really thought that black and white stripes were a good look...for anyone...but I'm rethinking that.

At least these are vertical...


Seriously...this shit is hard!

Current behaviors that are landing our little "angels" in the penalty box:
  • Biting
  • Hitting
  • Shoving
  • Ignoring parents' instructions...while looking them dead in the eye and smiling (this one puts me over the edge).
  • Walking out of Time-Out (excuse me, but who the fuck gave you permission to do that???)
  • Splashing in the tub
  • Pouring water out of the tub while sweetly smiling
  • Hitting the dog with my red spatula that you seem to be obsessed with (this is only for one little "angel")
  • Slamming head against windows
  • Putting foot in door while I'm trying to come inside b/c you want to play outside...in the rain...and hail...okay, that last part is made up.
  • Going taut while trying to put you in the highchair/car seat/stroller/shopping cart/straight jacket (haha...never crossed my mind)
  • Going limp while trying to avoid you getting hit by a car/getting you dressed/taking your temperature (not orally)/changing the diaper that is slowly making its way up your back
  • Kicking
  • Hitting
  • Biting
  • Splashing
  • Grabbing
  • Pinching
Husband was lamenting about how hard it's become. He says that he feels less like a parent and more like a referee...yeah, no shit.

The thing is (and the thing that I keep trying to get across to him) is that this is parenting. It's a sucky and hard part of parenting, but this is parenting.

We are setting boundaries, being consistent, disciplining, setting a good example (stressing this one to Husband...who really really wants to submit to anger, but then the kids will be angry kids and we'll all end up screaming at each other on SuperNanny...how embarrassing!), staying calm, setting boundaries, etc.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Then I look for "tips" on dealing with toddlers and see words like "explore," "curious," "learning," and "anecdotes."

Here are my Real Parent Dictionary definitions for those words (no, there's no such thing, but I'm pretty sure I could write one if anyone is interested because some of these websites are just soooo candy-coated):

Explore - [ik-splawr, -splohr] - fuck up my living room, touch things that are clearly out of bounds, stick your fingers in ungodly places.

Curious -
[kyoor-ee-uhs] - obsessed with ridiculous crap (i.e. my red spatula and touching dog poop), inquisitive about sibling's private parts, consumed with pushing the clearly set boundaries.

Learning -
[lur-ning] - acquiring knowledge at a crazy-ass rate about how to piss your parents off, but then look cute enough so they don't physically harm you, memorizing the exact pitch of Mommy's voice before she goes bat-shit crazy.

Anecdotes -
[an-ik-doht] - stories that parents tell each other in the desperate hope that someone else has lived through this hell and actually has a "cure" for the toddler issue du jour...it never actually happens though. We sit around telling "anecdotes" (a.k.a. bitching and moaning) and get nowhere...we're all in this together...we'll all make it out together. Maybe we're just telling someone else b/c there is no way in hell we'll remember all this shit on our own, so we must share in the hopes that someone who has two brain cells to rub together might actually remember.

Anyway, that's life around here these days...how are things in your neck of the woods (Al Roker...hate him and hate the fact that I wrote that, but I'm not a Draft/Edit/Rewrite type of girl. What comes out, stays out.)?????