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Friday, May 28, 2010

Friday's Funyuns

God...I loved those thing...seriously...deep fried fake onions...what could be better? Okay...here are this week's little ditties that didn't get their own post b/c I'm too lazy...or distracted...or tired...or hungry... Wait. What was I talking about??? Oh right...here we go:
  • Hailey was sick this week. She has some sort of virus that includes a runny nose, runny eyes, cough, and fever. I called the doctor just to check because we don't have very sick kids...we're kind of retarded about it when it happens. The nurse calls back when we're in Target (because every good Mom takes her sick kid to Target, right?). The nurse asks me about her temperature and then asks me how I took it. I fucking blurt out "anally" in the middle of Target and wonder why she's pausing. It took me 24 hours to figure out that I was supposed to say "rectally." I can only imagine what people in the next aisle were thinking about me. Nice...classy woman...I suck.

  • Hailey had a really high fever one of the nights that I was out tutoring...with both car seats.Husband called me to ask what to do...cool bath, Motrin, etc. The fever went down...fevers freak me out. Even when she's getting relief and sleeping soundly, I am so afraid that I'm going to go in and she won't move. Petrified...actually...to the point of not wanting to go in until I hear her. I hate fevers. The fever came down...Husband is nominated for Father of the Year.

  • The fever broke the next morning and Hailey was feeling better. She was playing and got pissed off at Matt for hitting her with a spoon or something. I picked her up to soothe her and all of the sudden, she sneezed. It was like her brain exploded. How can someone so little have that much snot inside of them and where was it hiding before it ejected itself all over her face??? Gross!!!

  • So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the "if you have it, I want it" sibling rule, right? Well, this week Matt has taken a particular shine to the thermometer that we've been using on Hailey...you know...the anal one? He's obsessed with it...even gave it a nickname...Mama...nice, right? Liken the woman who gave him life to a rectal thermometer...thanks, Buddy! Anyway, here's how the conversation went one night:
Matt: Ugh ug uh unh...Mama.
Mama (the real one, not the anal one): What honey? What do you want?
Matt: Mama (the anal one)...

Mama: You want me to take your temperature?
Matt: vigorous nodding

Mama: You're serious? You really want me to take your temperature? Do you know what I have to do in order to accomplish that?
Matt: vigorous nodding accompanied by grabbing his tush (clearly he's been paying attention)

Mama: Okay, come here.

Matt: lies down willingly on the blanket, allows me to take off his diaper, and endures the rectal thermometer with confused look on his face.

Mama: This is what you wanted, right? (it felt kinda weird to say that, but I'm teaching lessons, right?)

Matt: nods, but looks a lot less confident in his answer.

Mama: Okay, we're all done...you're normal (I kind of smirked at that one...seriously folks, do you think this is normal?).

Matt: nods and walks away slowly looking at me like I shouldn't have done that.
Mama: That's what you asked for, right?
Matt: slowly nods

Mama: You don't want that again, do you? It's not so great, right?
Matt: agrees and runs in for a hug...I think he got it.


  • Horrible television on Wednesday night, so I watch this Minute to Win It (and slowly drank myself to death...j/k, but I did want to die after watching it...and not because my life was complete). This Jonas kid was on playing for charity. All of the sudden, the host, Guy, mentions this kid's wife...WTF??? I thought he was like twelve! How did he get married? Does he live on a compound in Arkansas?? Was he a child-groom? Do child-grooms even exist? I mean seriously...most of us don't want to marry a "mature" man...who would want to marry a kid? I digress...again...story of my life.

  • Shopping this week...yay! Found a great dress, the perfect shoes, and got a new bra (it's only been a year...it was time, huh?). I was amazed at my new bra size. 34D...Husband says to me, "how the hell are those a D?" Nice, huh? Even funnier? I kind of agree with him...I was shocked! Gotta love those professional booby fitters!
  • Okay, so I participated in my first Writer's Workshop yesterday, but no one (i.e. my sister and my mother for God's sake) seemed to know what I was talking about, so I'll spell it out. It was breastfeeding the twins...I felt so helpless and like there was no way out, but there was...my way out came in a tub of formula...thank you En.famil!!!
Have a great weekend!!!