Picture it...Friday afternoon, lunch time. Crazies are in their highchairs (because the brief interlude with booster seats did not work out). Mommy is in her chair (a.k.a. The Stress Chair).
Menu: Portobello pizzas, cantaloupe, raisins, and strawberry yogurt (artfully prepared by Mommy).
Mood: Kind of cloudy and dark...not really knowing what to expect from today...something is a little off.
Background: Ever since Hailey got sick last Sunday, her appetite has been ridiculously poor. She barely touches breakfast, kind of eats her snacks, and can barely be bothered with other meals. She's drinking water and milk, but actual food ingestion is pretty pathetic and it's driving Mommy and Daddy nuts. Hailey has always been our issue with eating...or lack thereof. I've always worried more about her b/c I blame myself for when I was trying to nurse and not producing...she really took the brunt of that (gaining 3 ounces in a month) b/c she was smaller to begin with. I beat myself up about that on a daily basis and need to get past it.
Lunch is served and Hailey starts handing her plate back to Mommy which usually signals, "I'm done." Mommy wouldn't take plate and kept encouraging Hailey to eat some more. This would include trying to force yogurt in her mouth, but please, no judging...
Finally, Mommy gets fed up and takes the plate. She feeds Hailey raisins one by one and Hailey is mildly interested. She then throws them and her milk on the ground.
At which point, Mommy loses it.
Slams her hands on the table.
Walks out of the dining room.
Declares (maybe it's more like shouting, but I'm going to call it declaring), "I'm not like this...I don't get this mad at small children! I don't yell. I don't slam my hands on things. This is not me!!!"
Cue Mommy crying...crying from frustration at not knowing how to feed her child, crying in anger for losing her temper, crying in defeat.
Mommy was out of ideas. Crazies were staring at her like she was certifiable.
Maybe she is.
Both Crazies starts crying...with passion...they are upset. Why wouldn't they be?
Great...anyone know how hard it is to feed crying babies??? I couldn't do it when they were calm. What am I going to do now???
Mommy sits down to talk to Crazies. "Are you hungry?" Small little nods. "What do you want to eat?" Matthew hands Mommy his plate. Mommy sobs...Matthew laughs.
Mommy asks Hailey if she wants some cottage cheese (our "go to" food this week). Hailey nods and says "please." Mommy puts some in a bowl with a spoon...Hailey promptly hands it back to her. Mommy tries to get some in her mouth and is vehemently denied.
More laughing from Matthew.
What is this? What kind of kids don't eat? Okay, that's not fair...Matt eats his fair share, but I am always so worried about Hailey. "They'll eat when they're hungry" is what people tell me. Sure, but what if she's just not eating...at all? Okay...let's try a few more things...finally...something is getting in.
Matt had a cheese stick and he and Hailey split a cereal bar. Nice lunch, huh?
Screw it...want a cookie? I'm totally out of ideas and I need some sugar.
We ended this splendid lunch with cookies and many used tissues.
Hailey is now happily dancing with her reflection in the oven. Matt is in the living room dismantling one of his trucks so that he can ride it. Things are back to "normal" save a little mascara.
So, here is what was prepared: portobello pizzas, cantaloupe, yogurt, raisins
Here is what was ingested: 3 spoonfuls of yogurt, 20 raisins, 20 pieces of cantaloupe (all by Matt), several gulps of milk, one cheese stick, one cereal bar, 5 cookies (one for Hailey which she promptly crumbled, one for Matt, and three for Mommy), and four portobello pizzas (all by Mommy).
I haven't cried like that in a while...I guess I needed to get it out. Maybe I just needed to release something...who knows? The kids are fine...I'm fine...the house is fine...even the dog is fine (and she usually gets the brunt of it). We will be fine. She will eat again. I will lose my cool again. I can't dwell on this, so I'm writing about it. Get it out...hear that I'm not the only one...that Hailey will be fine...that everyone cries every now and then. Then I'll feel better. Get it out...