Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Things I Can Get Away With While I'm Hurt...and a few that I cannot

Let's be serious. Husband is not a big fan of me being sick, hurt, or otherwise incapacitated.

Why? Well, it's not because he hates to see me in pain or discomfort...it's because it makes his life harder! Of course!

He has been a rock star for the past few days, but he's already nearing his breaking point and I haven't even seen the orthopedist yet! We have NO IDEA if I'll need surgery or not (although signs point to yes on my Magic 8 Ball). We do know that surgery has a 6 to 16 week recovery time...YIKES!!!

Let's put it this way...I typically have 24-36 hours of sickness before he thinks that it's been enough time. This is major!

Since I cannot move very far or very fast right now, I've spent a lot of time observing the actions of Husband.

Here are things that Husband will do:

  • Husband will consistently and patiently ask me if I need any help.
  • Husband will bring me a drink, ice packs, medication, computer, phone, or magazines.
  • Husband will tell me to sit down if he thinks I'm doing too much.
  • Husband will stop off to get me sushi.
  • Husband will encourage me to get out of the house b/c he knows that too much time spent in the house makes for a Weepy Wife.
  • Husband will vacuum (and do a better job than I).
  • Husband will offer to help me get in and out of the shower...and, for a change, it's not just to see me naked.
  • Husband will often remind me of the Lemon Law and how he's pretty sure I'm violating it.
  • Husband will ask the Crazies if it's time to trade Mommy in and most of the time, they'll answer with a resounding "YES!"
  • Husband will recall marrying a stallion and lament ending up with a jalopy.
  • Husband will laugh at me trying to get undressed for bed and then take it seriously when I frustratingly say "I don't need your help!" (followed by instant apology b/c, let's face it, I do need his help.)
  • Husband will do the laundry.
  • Husband will stand true to his claim that he "doesn't know how" to fold laundry.
  • Husband will bring clean laundry up and place it directly on the chair that I'm using for recovery...therefore, I can't sit until I fold. He's totally got my number.
  • Husband will give the kids their baths, but I am still expected to be upstairs for hair, teeth, and Crazy corralling.
  • Husband will take the Crazies to the pool by himself.
  • Husband will agree to put lotion on my feet because I tell him they're starting to look "old" (even though that was a total long shot...I just asked to see what he'd say).
  • Husband will change the sheets on the guest room b/c my mother is coming next week...guess he needs her help bad enough that he'll even make a bed.
  • Husband will know the feeling of having your name or other phrases embedded in your brain for the rest of your life b/c all he's heard since I got hurt is "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" OR "Pool, Pool, Pool, Pool, Big Pool, Car, Big Pool" OR "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
  • Husband will try to make lame jokes out of utter boredom. For example, I asked him to grab my Ibu.profen for me and he says, "You wanna grab my balls for me?" Nice, right? Do they ever grow up???
  • Husband will bring the lounge chair down to the grass so I can take pictures of the Crazies while they're playing in the pool.
  • Husband will change most diapers.
  • Husband will prepare snacks.
  • Husband will go grocery shopping and take the Crazies with him.
  • Husband will put my shoes on. Hailey will take them off before I have a chance to get my feet to the floor.
  • Husband will look at my knee and tell me it "doesn't look that bad."
  • Husband will not tell me directly that I'm going to need surgery even though we both know that I probably will.
  • Husband will go to the dreaded Wa.lmart/Hellmart/Hickmart and get an ice pack for me...a really nice one.
  • Husband will carefully try to get me in the car even though I barely fit...it's hard to get into a car when your leg is fully extended! You should try it!
  • Husband will offer to watch Precious with me b/c he knows how bored I am.
  • Husband will rearrange the covers b/c my gimpy self can't figure out how to do it once I'm in my divot. Click to find out how the divot occurred.
  • Husband will roll his eyes when I try to do too much, but he has not been condescending. I think he knows how much I don't want to dislocate my patella again...I won't push it too far...he knows that.
  • Husband will take care of most kid needs...I'm trying to do what I can.

All in all, he's been pretty good! The kids are trying their best to respect my space boundaries. The immobilizer helps them remember as well as my horrific shrieks when they get too close. My mother (G.G.) is coming this week to help me with the Crazies as Husband has to go back to work as some point. I also have my doctor's appointment on Monday, so we'll know more then. Unfortunately, I can't drive b/c it's my right leg, so G.G. will have to make it here in record speed to drive me to my appointment!

This is just so damn inconvenient for everyone!!! Thank God for understanding family and friends though...makes me feel a lot better and also makes it easier for me to ask for and accept help.


If there had a be a week to be laid up with a dislocated patella, I'm sure glad it was Shark Week...very entertaining.