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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Suck As A Mom Much?

Yeah, I do.

What can I say? Having one leg has made me worse as a mother.

Okay, I still have the leg, but I can barely use it! Seriously! This is hard!

G.G. left the other day, so I've been at this mothering stuff all weekend and my kids have somehow morphed into Satan's spawn. Crap...I can't even say that...they came from me...that must make me Satan...shit!

I don't know if it's their age or what, but they are so insolent! Haha...there is seriously something wrong with me that I'm using the word "insolent" to describe 2 year olds. I do believe that is somewhat of an understatement!

Okay, but back to me, right? I have been horrible.

  • I have been Screamy Mommy (ewwwww).
  • I have all but forgotten about the fact that they are having their 2nd birthday this week.
  • I have done nothing to prepare for their birthday.
  • I am going to cancel their "kid" party. There's only so much I can handle.
  • I say things like "what is wrong with you?" and "did you not hear me the first 15,000 times?" and "get in time out and never come out!" and I wasn't speaking to Husband even one of those times! That is not nice, Mommy!
  • I miss playing with my kids...I can't sit on the floor, kneel, squat, or run. Think about how many times you perform those little acts in one day. I miss being the mother I was before I broke myself.
  • I have completely abandoned the ideas that I had for their cute little cupcakes...I'm going the supermarket bakery route instead.
  • I have thrown things at my kids to get their attention (not knives or anything...relax) and then gotten pissed at them for throwing their toys.
  • I have completely stopped thinking about meals until 30 seconds before they're supposed to be served.
It's not all bad though...here are some good things I've done:
  • Approved Husband's birthday gift choices. Can you believe we're getting this and this? Yeah...great idea...let's get an operation that keeps you off your feet and, oh yeah, we're also going to purchase fast little death traps for our toddlers. Good times!
  • I drove...twice in one day (woohoo!). We went to the park, so I hobbled around the park. We just had to know whether or not to drive b/c I'm supposed to tutor this week. One other reason is that if I couldn't drive, there would be a serious increase in the amount of wine we'd have to buy this week!
  • I screamed like a crazy person when Matt fell off the suspension bridge at the park. I couldn't actually move, so I enthusiastically shouted directions to Husband instead. We're a freaking carnival show...seriously. Hailey pretended she wasn't related to us after this little incident. I'm limping around my bench shouting directions like a freaking GPS, Husband is frantically running around the play area, and Matt is laying motionless under the bridge...poor Hailey.
  • I threw random items in our cart at Tar.get this morning (think Play-doh and slide whistle...WTF?). I think I was getting a little guilt from not having any good ideas for their birthday presents. I suck....they just have sooooo many toys and their toys are driving me nuts! I can't fathom anything else!
  • I made breakfast every single morning and succeeded in making a beautiful eggplant parmigiana today. I love that stuff...mmmm...yummy.
Okay, that's all...I'm completely blanking after writing about the eggplant. God, this injury is going to make me F.A.T. (although I already have a plan to keep my upper body in good shape throughout this crapola...lots of hand weights and inclined push ups rather than my regular ones...I can do this).