I feel like such an ass about yesterday's post. However, in my world, you know, there's no editing. If I'm thinking it, I write it and there's no going back...there's only moving on and learning from what I wrote and what I have yet to experience.
I feel like an ass because I wrote about something which I have yet to experience. I haven't sent a kid off to kindergarten yet, so I have no idea what my reaction will be. Your comments were so great and funny and I've already used them to "counsel" some friends who are very nervous about the start of kindergarten.
Now you'll see why I shouldn't have made fun of people crying over their kids...because I totally get it now. I cried like a baby last night...
Late last night, Husband and I were discussing our trip to the beach next week. It's rough financially b/c he's missed so much time with my knee fiasco and we were just trying to figure out ways to still have fun, but be economical at the same time. All of the sudden, Matthew starts crying. It was a different cry, but didn't alarm us too much. We let him go for a minute and when he didn't stop, Husband went and got him.
When he brought him in our room, I knew something was wrong. He was burning hot, couldn't wake up, and couldn't hold up his own head. It was so scary. He kept crying and crying and couldn't do anything by himself. He couldn't sit up. He couldn't keep his head up. He couldn't open his eyes. All he was doing was crying.
We took his temperature...104.9. Okay, fine...the pediatrician always told me that it wasn't about the numbers, but the demeanor. The demeanor was bad.
I called the doctor on call...I hate to do that, but he couldn't move his arms. This was getting scary. The doctor called me back shortly and went through a thorough list of questions (love them BTW). She said to wait for 1 - 1.5 hours for the Ibuprofen to kick in and if things got worse, to take him to the hospital. We were seriously ready at that very moment. We've had some high fevers around here, but it's never been this bad.
So, Matt had been able to answer some simple questions and calmed himself down enough to stop crying. We decided to try to get some sleep. We got Matthew all settled and we were holding his hands. Then it hit me...as I was watching him being held in a sitting position (b/c he couldn't do it himself), unable to hold the phone as he watched the videos that cheer him up so much...is this how he's going to be for the rest of his life? Is he paralyzed? Is he going to be okay? Are we doing the right thing by waiting? Then the flood came.
I'm on my side of the bed crying like a baby over the fact that he's so sick. I couldn't bear to see him like that...weak, helpless, unable to move. It's not my Matthew. My Matthew can grab things, put his bink in his mouth, hold on to his lovey, roll over, sit up, crawl, move his head, hold my hand, push off with his legs. Sick Matthew couldn't do any of this.
Husband realized that I was crying and that I haven't really had a breakdown since this whole knee thing happened over a month ago...that's pretty good for me. He couldn't do much though b/c the Human Inferno was between us. He let me cry for a little while and then Matt started talking more (which was good even though we really could have used a little sleep).
We decide to take him temperature again and it was coming down. He still couldn't really grasp things, but he could sit up and that was good enough for me. Things were getting better.
So, I get it now...when you kid is going through a permanent change (i.e. starting kindergarten, some health issue), letting your child go, or wondering if you're doing the right thing...it's all scary. There are no "right" answers. I guess that's why I titled yesterday's post "Never Say Never, Right?" I did that b/c I have yet to experience really letting go, but I was scared out of my mind last night.
Guess I'm not as tough as I thought!
Okay, on to the good stuff. The spot that we filmed for the local ABC station aired this morning (and will again @ 5PM)! Here it is!!!
Oh, and Matt is feeling much better today...he's walking, grasping items, and back to his old self. Have I mentioned that I HATE FEVERS?????