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Monday, November 29, 2010

Oh Caca...it's freaking bedtime

Seriously, I don't know if I'm an anomaly, but bedtime at our house is anything but calm and soothing...for serious.  This is pretty much how it goes.

  • Beg Crazies to come up the stairs.
  • Pray that someone doesn't get kicked or knocked down the stairs.
  • Rip their clothes off them while they fight to be the first one in the shower (or beg not to take a shower at all...depends on the day).
  • Make sure they put their clothes in the hamper (this one is pretty easy).
  • Pray they don't pee all over the floor in their haste to knock the shit out of the other one on the way to the shower.
  • Help them get into the shower.
  • Remind them Matt 5,283,532,677 times not to get water outside of the tub.
  • Freak out when they Matt pour an entire capful of water directly on the floor...outside of the tub (yes, we finally started putting a towel down, but it's the point).
  • Wash the Crazies through their protests.
  • Ignore Husband's dirty looks b/c I find something really important to do in another room during bathtime (I swear...this time of day sends me over the edge).
  • Rip fighting Crazies out of tub.
  • Argue who gets to go with Mommy.
  • Squabble over who get to brush their teeth first.
  • Rip inappropriate, but very interesting objects away from Crazies.
  • Carry giggling Crazies into bedroom (okay, this is fun).
  • Almost drop squirmy Crazies onto floor to get diapered and dressed.
  • Wrestle skinny little arms (that have seemingly turned to spaghetti) into pajama shirts.
  • Nail Crazies to the floor to brush their hair.
  • Get yelled at by Crazies to "sit down" or "turn around."
  • Brace ourselves for "running."  This is where the Crazies will run back and forth from the hallway into our arms and get lifted into the air.  It's complete madness.
  • Tell them it's time for bed.
  • Ignore "NOOOOOO!!!!"
  • Give binks and lovies and decide how they want to enter their cribs.
  • Get pissed b/c they're screaming at you for doing the wrong thing (they can blast-off, flip, or climb...WTF?).
  • Retrieve thrown binks/lovies b/c you did the wrong thing you freaking idiot moron parent.
  • Ask who wants to be tucked in.
  • Ignore Crazies who are encouraging each other to "JUMP...jump, Hailey, jump!"
  • Ask who wants to be tucked in.
  • Tell them we're leaving and kiss them good night.
  • Put music, sea turtle (yellow), and ladybug (red) on and say good night again.
  • Ask one more time who wants to be tucked in.
  • Get yelled at because Daddy didn't give a Big Kiss.
  • Say good night through gritted teeth b/c you just want to get the fuck out of there!!!
  • Close door.
  • Try to ignore screams b/c suddenly Crazies suddenly want to be tucked in (oh, and Matt needs lotion on his feet...of course).
  • Go back in and tuck them in...wipe snot, put Matt under pillow, restart Hailey's music.
  • Get our asses downstairs and wait for Matt to fall asleep an hour and 20 minutes later.
It's exhausting...do any of you actually have a calm bedtime routine???  We have tried with the books.  We have tried to wind things down.  These two are like two little tornadoes who just don't know how to stop!

Disclaimer:  Bedtime might be totally nuts, but I have mornings down to a science and love my mornings with the Crazies.  Right now, they're reading books while I'm making breakfast and listening to Christmas music.  I never thought I'd say this, but I love mornings around here!