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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Love/Hate Relationships...we all have them, right?

Except yours probably aren't with cell phones...for serious...that's mine.

The reasons why I would love them are obvious...up-to-the-minute weather and traffic (what a fucking dork I am), instant internet if I'm on the pot (TMI?), keeping me occupied in the car (hands free, of course), and Angry Birds.

The reasons why I hate them grow exponentially every day...for serious.

  • If you live in a state where you need to have a hands-free device while driving, please understand that HOLDING THE FUCKING PHONE UP TO YOUR FACE WHILE IT'S ON SPEAKER DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AS "HANDS FREE!!!!"  It really just make you look like an idiot and drive like a moron.  Plus, if you haven't noticed, you're still using your hands!!!

  • If you're walking in the mall and your phone is on speaker, WE CAN ALL HEAR YOUR CONVERSATION AND WE DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT IT!!!  Is it really too much trouble to hold the phone up to your ear?  If it is, you need to hit the gym!  Spare the rest of us...we really don't care.

  • If you're waiting for your kid to finish up tutoring, it is not okay to curl up in a cozy chair and proceed to have your weekly chat with your best friend from high school...WE ARE WORKING HERE...IT'S A FREAKING LIBRARY!!!  How about you trot your ass out to your car and sit there for God's sake!  After all, the way they make cars these days, I'm sure you'll be just as comfortable and we won't have to listen to your silly conversations and to you cursing*...libraries are supposed to be quiet and I'd bet my bottom dollar that if someone were doing that around your kid, you'd be the first one to pipe up and ask them to hang up.

  • Checking your text messages while driving is dangerous AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!!  Your silly little head is at an angle that is impossible for driving...we got your number, Buddy!  Please stop this...it's ridiculous...and it's mostly middle aged men.  Guess what?  You're not that important!!!

  • When you walk into a public place (school, doctor's office, library), please TURN YOUR RINGER OFF (or at least down a tad)!!!!  It's rude and we don't care about your bings, dings, and rings...enough, already!
  • True conversation that I heard tonight while I was tutoring...AT THE LIBRARY:
HI!  WHO WAS THAT GUY THAT WE WERE ALL TALKING ABOUT AT DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT?
YEAH...THE SINGER.
NO, THE ONE THAT WE ALL KNEW, BUT COULDN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME...WHO WAS THAT?
I KNOW!!!
I CAN'T REMEMBER EITHER!
OH...HE'S A YOUNG GUY...DARK HAIR AND DARK EYES...HE SINGS THAT SONG ABOUT THE SKY???
YOU CAN'T REMEMBER EITHER...JACK?  JOHN?  JOSH!
OOOOHHHH!!!  JOSH SOUNDS FAMILIAR, RIGHT?  WHAT WAS HIS LAST NAME?
NO, I'M STANDING AT THE CD SECTION IN THE LIBRARY...I'M LOOKING THROUGH ALL OF THESE AND I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME!
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, YEAH, I'LL PICK HIM UP LATER.
GROGEN...JOSH GROGEN...G-R-O-G-E-N?
OKAY...I'LL LOOK, BUT THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT...NOPE...CAN'T FIND IT.
WHAT'S THAT?  GROBAN?  G-R-O-B-A-N???  YEAH...THAT'S HIM.
THANKS...BYE

Seriously, I almost lost my mind.  So, please, I beg of you...be conscious of where you're speaking.  We, the general public and normal people, don't give a shit about your conversation.  Most of us on this Earth are really just looking for a few moments of peace.  Give us that much...hang the hell up!!!

* I may hear more than the average human b/c my ears stick out at 90 degree angles.  I may look weird, but I can hear anything...clearly, this can be a burden!

10 comments:

Barbara Manatee said...

your ears stick out at a 90 degree angle?!?! lmao!! perfect for eavesdropping...except when you don't want to, right?

My cell phone pet peeve? when someone is talking on it in a public restroom! you seriously couldn't wait 2 minutes??

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

You may look weird, but you can hear everything...bwahahaha!!!

You DON'T look weird, by the way. Could it be that your ears just perk up at the sound of cursing???

krayzid0rk said...

They should go to their car, with the cars now days, they can dial from their freaking dash by just saying "call whoever".

I hate when the people come in for a haircut and they're talking on their phone, can't even hang up or tell the person to hold on while I check them in. So I stand there waiting for them to finish up like I have nothing better to be doing for those 3 minutes or they get pissed and walk off if I walk away to clean up while they finish said conversation. Hello! I'm not going to interrupt you while you're on the phone...people are morons.

Or, when people talk on the phone in bathrooms, that always gets me! Does the other person want to hear you or someone else taking a piss or droppin the kids off at the pool, grosses me out. Glad someone else hates technology as much as I do sometimes :)

edie & ella said...

aahhhhhh the stupid inconsiderate cell phone users. I could not have summed my pet peeves up better myself!!! You are hilarious girl!!

Missy said...

UGH! a big pet peeve of mine is someone talking way too loud on their cell. Only once I can remember it being humorous vs annoying. This girl (teenager) was talking to her (I assume) was her boyfriend about what kind of condom to buy and apparently they both were clueless. She had to describe what one looked like and did.

Deb said...

I have this same love/hate relationship...but usually I'm fighting with my husband over his phone habits!

Mom said...

In our library, you HAVE to turn your phone off or put it on "silent mode" so I have never heard that. Our library is scary silent unless the little ones are there for their time. You should mention the problem to the librarians - there should be rules!

MiMi said...

HA! It's illegal to talk on the phone while driving here...and people do that exact thing: HOLD THE PHONE WHILE IT'S ON SPEAKER. D'oh!

Danifred said...

The speakerphone conversations are the worst for me. What is WRONG with people???

Carrie27 said...

I hate those handsfree devices more. Walking through the store and someone is talking and you can't tell if they are talking to you, so you turn around, and eventually realize that nope, they are talking into their earpiece.