I am struggling...surprise, surprise, right? Me, struggling with an issue...
I think I know what I want to do, but would love some feedback on this particular issue.
The Crazies were born in the middle of August. The cut-off for sending them to Kindergarten is September 1, so they're only like 2 weeks ahead of that.
Do I send them?
Or do I hold them?
We feel that it is our job, as parents, to give our children every single opportunity that we can. We feed them very well. We send them to a wonderful preschool. We give them opportunities to see things, touch things, experience things, and learn at every turn we take. They are well-adjusted and smart.
Will they be "ready" for kindergarten by September 1st? Yes, I'm sure of that. They will be able to handle the curriculum, the expectations, the instructions, the other kids, the teachers, all of it. I am sure of it.
Will I be "ready" to send them? I don't think so.
Oh, and it's not because I'll miss them and want them to stay little forever and ever...it's not that at all. Yes, my heart is carved of ice. Jealous?
In my former life (B.C. = Before Crazies), I was a middle school teacher. I can't tell you the number of times I have sat through a conference listening a parent regret their decision to send their child to kindergarten "on time." I have listened while they took us through their decision and how they have just seen it all fall apart in the end. Their child is not mature enough, has trouble b/c they're not hitting puberty at the same rate as the others, cannot pay attention, is not developmentally ready for the material, and on and on...
These conversations always stick in my mind when Husband and I talk about Kindergarten.
We're never stuck on Kindergarten itself...it's always the years that will follow. The years that they will not be allowed to participate in sports b/c they're too young. The years that they will be the last picked in gym b/c they're the smallest (I have tiny kids...Husband and I are vertically challenged...it's not looking good for the Crazies). The years that they will be wishing to hit puberty like everyone else in their grade. The years that they will struggle with their studies and expectations because they aren't developmentally *there* yet.
Wouldn't it be better if they were the older kids in the sport? If they were ready to attack their studies because they could focus in a way that they wouldn't have been able to a year ago? If they were physically developed when everyone else was? Or before everyone else? Wouldn't these things make their lives just a tad easier?
Thoughts???
32 comments:
Two thoughts from a mother's and teacher's perspective ...
1. My one son was literally the "youngest" in his class. Yes, I considered holding him back because, although tall for his age, he wasn't mature. He was academically ready, and that IS the charge of schools. The ONLY time it bothered him was when all of his friends were driving and he wasn't able to until he was a senior. He has told me it was the ONLY time he wished he had been held back.
2. As a teacher I used to resent when parents, who held the kid back, insisted their child be put in the GT class. I would think, "He/she was held back. She/he is NOT gifted. Compared to their true peers, they're average."
Well...considering that you and I will HAVE THE EXACT SAME ISSUE, I feel as though my opinion counts! Ha!
Seriously, our decision was made before they were born...we are HOLDING THEM BACK. Which is such a crappy term, but that is what the School Systems want to deem it, so be it.
Our decision is soley based on the age at which they would be attending college and we felt much better about sending an 18 Yr Old to college as opposed to a 17 Yr Old. (Technically, they would be 18 either way, but I would rather them be 18 for almost a year, rather an 8 days.)
This is a hard decision, and we will probably be met with opposition...just like we don't want them in separate calssrooms. I want them to have the same teachers, so they are learning the same thing and have the same homework. I have heard nightmares from twin parents that were forced to separate, and they were doing two different sets of homework, kids were on different testing schedules, one had a young, energetic teacher, the other had the older "more expereinced" (tenured) teacher...blah, blah, blah!!!
Our kiddos are B/G (like I said, we have the EXACT SAME ISSUE) and you CANNOT compare two different genders, and if feel they will thrive being together.
I have several teacher friends and they all say the same things, there are Pros and Cons to each situation, and in the end it is what works best for your family.
I wish you the best...
Also, it does help with sports, that was not a deciding factor for us, but it will help.
I will have the same issue with my daughter, born the very end of July, so one month before the cut off.
We plan to wait and see if she is ready. I figure that is two years away. I don't want to hold her back if she is going to be bored. Meaning the curriculum will be too easy then if I held her back in Kindergarten.
It is a hard decision. Everyone has to do what is right for their kids.
Do your kids start kindergarten in one or two years? Some schools where I grew up had 2 years of kindergarten.
My son was born on August 10th. The cut off date for sports is usually July 31st/Aug. 1st. That makes him the "oldest" on his teams. He's short but full of heart and natural ability. He has made every "travel" team for which he tried out. He currently plays on a club soccer team that is ranked 4th in MD; he is being recruited on a "minor" level for some smaller very academic colleges. Academically, he has always excelled. He is self-motivated, confident and a leader in his school, his team and scouts. Age is just age. You are a great parent and you are a great teacher. You know what to do to encourage them to succeed. You'll never be one of those parents who sits in a parent conference wondering where it all fell apart. You would have intervened way before that point. Just my two cents...:)I guess I decided to stop being a "lurker" today.
My youngest son was born August
15, 8 weeks premature and I am almost positive I am going to hold him back a year - partly because I don't want him to be barely 18 when he goes to college, and because I don't want him to be the youngest in his class but mainly because my older son is 22 months older than him, born in October and I really want them to have a year between them in school. unless somehow he starts reading at 3 or doing alegbra at 4(which I doubt) - i'm pretty sure he is going to be starting kindergarten a year late.
I was always one of the youngest in my grade (end of Nov. birthday), and while it was hard to be the last to get my license and turn 21, I was not at a disadvantage at all. My twins turn five at the end of June and will be entering kindergarten in the fall. They will be among the youngest kids, but I never thought about holding them back. I know they can handle the work, and like someone said, they would be bored the following year if the work was not a challenge to them. I also believe that kids excel more when they see people who are older/smarter than them, as they strive to do what others are doing. My twins each have their own set of skills and they truly do learn from each other. I also remember something I read: If your child is held back and the oldest in their class, they may be ahead of the peers in their grade, but they are still a whole year behind kids their age. I am sure whatever decision you make will work for your family. Good luck with your decision!
I haven't even thought about this, I've focused on whether to split them or not from the start.
That being said, my niece is having a hell of a time in school for a similar reason. She was born 3 days AFTER the cut off. So she is a year older and a year more mature. She is now in first grade and has had her first "We're worried about her being bored" conference and they've started talking about bumping her! All this after my SIL lobbied and begged to get her in with her friends in the beginning.
I would like to think that the starting early/puberty thing is a really lame excuse. Everyone hates puberty, it's what makes teenagers teenagers. It also will come when it will come, girls start before boys. So you may help M but hurt H.
Definitely focus more on their current maturity and level and if you feel they are ready, go for it. **In theory** they will keep pace with their friends if they start out on the same level.
Those are good points you made. But, some of my thoughts...
*They will be among the first to drive..meaning everybody will want to ride with them, they will always be the ones driving when they go places with their friends.
*The first to develop? Not good for Haley...from a parenting perspective, of course! The upperclassmen will be after her..
I honestly don't know what I would do in your position.
I say spend that extra year with them.
Let them go a little earlier so they are ready in every way and as they get older they feel confident about it.
I'm not even close to that point but I think i'd want to keep my baby a baby just a litttttle bit longer and know he'll succeed.
We're faced with the same dilemma, with my girls born a week earlier (or is it later?) than your Crazies. I actually just talked with my Parents as Teachers educator, who's been with the girls since they were four months old. I thought for sure she'd say go ahead and send them. She shocked me when she said she'd wait. Similar to what you said, she's never heard a parent regret waiting--but has heard of many regretting sending them. It's an extra year we get to spend with our children that most parents don't get. Even though our kids are very smart, there is a big difference between a kid who just turned 5 and one who will turn 6 in the fall. Then you have to think about down the road...kids are doing things earlier and earlier and we're able to give them an extra year to mature to be able to handle the issues they'll face in adolescence. After that discussion and a little research, I'm 95% certain we'll wait. Kinda sucks to be faced with this decision but it's nice to have some say, too. As a side note, wouldn't it be easier if all cut off dates were 12/31? Then you'd have half the class younger and half older...it wouldn't seem so lopsided!
Our sports cutoff date is April 30, so my April boy is always going to be the youngest on the team. He is also small for his age, but that didn't hold him back (last year was his first year, at age three, so we'll see how he does this year).
I have a friend who held her son back strictly because she wasn't ready to send him. (He had a May birthday, so he wasn't one of the youngest.) She had stayed home with him, and he never attended preschool so he was socially behind a little but is a bright boy and could have made it. He would have been a senior this year, but will graduate next year instead. He has had to explain to people that he was held back in kindergarten ever since then(otherwise it is assumed that he failed a grade somewhere). He wishes that he had not been held back and had been allowed to start school with the other kids his age.
I am a first grade teacher and I have seen examples of both ways where it worked out just fine and where it didn't. I would base your decision on whether or not you think they can handle it socially and behaviorally. If you think they may be a bit immature still then you should definitely wait another year. However, if you think that they can handle it and do well, then they probably will!
I am coming back to read the comments before and after mine. Lil Duck was born Aug 25th. Pretty sure she missed the cut off where we are from but I have no doubt she could test into kindergarten if we wanted her too. She is whip smart...and I realize that most all parents think this...however we both work in education and have for over 10 years. Anyway, I am more leaning towards keeping her back a year as I would prefer she not be the youngest in her class.
Interesting topic and I'm so glad you posted about it. Very curious as to how other parents feel about it. Obviously its ultimately going to be based on the individual child and family but I'd love to see the pros and cons that others point out in the situation.
My oldest was born on June 2nd and the teachers, so far, every year, have said that he's a "young whatever grade he's in."
I dunno. His best friend's birthday is in August and he's fine.
Most girls can go before boys, though. Like the girls are more mature at that age or something, I hear.
I know I was ready for KG before I went. My husband was too.
I have no advice for ya here. I think because I'm a wuss, I'd hold em. For my OWN self.
Well, I do love it when you post these sorts of things :)
Our kids (South African kids) go to Grade 1 in the year they turn 7. Kindergarten is not compulsory (I think you say mandatory) but most people do send them. That would mean they turn 6 in Kinder.
What's your age thing?
Anyway, "in my day" we had to be 6 before June and I turned 6 in Aug so after much to and fro I was put in school with a pretend birthday on 6 Feb because I was super clever and "ready". At 5. With everyone else a year older.
Except, I always felt a little bit out. These days I'd call it not ready socially.
I excelled in school academically (top of the class, etc.) but was terrible with sports and such.
That was in those days. These days I feel the kids are under so much pressure that it's 10 times worse so I'd rather send them later than earlier.
A lady posted this same thing on a forum in SA recently and EVERYONE said "keep the kids back" :)
Let me know what you decide. What does Husband think?
This is such a hard decision! I personally would wait a little longer and get a sense of where they are. In Canada, as long as they turn 5 before December 31, they can start kindergarten that year, but I think that for some kids that isn't necessarily best.
I have heard a lot of people say they regret sending their child "on time", because once they are in, they realize they just weren't ready. It is definitely a decision that needs to be thoughtfully considered. Good luck! You will know at the time what is best for them.
I am struggling with this right now, too.
My middle will be old enough to go next year. But, he'll be young and I don't think he's ready. But, he has a May birthday and if we wait, that will mean he turns 7 at the end of kindergarten. The stupid thing is that I wouldn't care if he turned 7 right after the school year ended. Isn't that dumb?
Oh, God, this has been bugging me for so long that I could write the world's longest comment.
One thing that my oldest's kindergarten teacher said to me is that this is the only time in their lives when we can give them the gift of time. She's very big on waiting.
From the perspective of a mother who did survive her sons' teen years. Is difficult to ever imagine wanting your sweet little ones out of the house. Believe me, IT WILL HAPPEN...usually a year after they get their driver's license. I call it the "baby bird" response. A Momma bird is a wonderful parent, but when her baby birds start getting noisey and yammering, the Momma bird kicks the babies out of the nest. The same thing happens to humans. I'm glad I didn't hold my son back. It would have been another year of torture.
I am in the same boat, b/g twins born the end of June. I have been researching and reading as much as I can on the topic, so thank you for posting. If I had to decide today, which I don't I'd say keep them back.
Interesting subject, and you pointed out some things I hadn't even thought of. I'm glad my girls are in April, so it's not really a big deal for us!
Football is life here in Alabama, so many, many parents actually use the sports thing as reason to hold their children back...whether or not they need it academically or socially. (I could go on about all the things this says about priorities in AL, but I won't.)
You still have plenty of time to decide, and whatever decision y'all come to, don't let yourself feel bad about it later. I know it will be made with M & H's best interests at heart!
Wow, you got some awesome feedback! I agree with a Mom knows best. You will know which is the right thing to do.
btw- those pictures are too sweet! Your kids are gorgeous!
I chose to send my now 28 year old daughter on to kindergarten on time. Her birthday was at the end of July. I regretted that decision many times over the years. I thought at the time I was making a good decision, but the first 3 years were a struggle for her due to maturity issues. Her 3rd grade teacher was a jewel and worked so hard to bring her into focus. I will be eternally grateful to her. Much too late, I realized that I would have preferred her to be on the older side of her group of friends rather than the younger. She is a very bright and capable adult who graduated Magna Cum Laude, has a good job, and is the mother of twin 2 year old girls. I think she did well in spite of my decision. Hindsight is 20/20. I might add, I am a retired teacher.
I think you already know your answer, go with your gut.
i don't have anything new to add. just the fact that i LOVE the term "red-shirted kindergardner" :)
o.m.g. before i start...is there a limit to comments? you know, like on a voicemail it'll cut you off if you talk too long? Guess we'll find out...
you may remember i posted on the same issue last spring. michigan's cut off is Dec. 1. WTH? what an odd date to cut off...half way through the school year! ??? doesn't make sense to me at all. So, with my two on Nov. 25th, we are just days before that cut off...meaning if they start when they COULD...they'd be 4 for HALF of the school year. That's really young! They will be THE youngest in their class. If I wait....they'll be 5.5 when they start. Likely middle of the group - definitely not the oldest and not the youngest.
I think about the fact that is another parent held back their child whose bday was in Sept - they'd be turning 6 right when school started and I send my kids when they are only 4.5....that is a full year and a half difference there. HUGE at that age.
So...I hate that 'red shirt' concept - I'm not 'holding my kids back' so they can be bigger, stronger, or smarter than anyone - I just want to make the best decision for them. I want to be sure they're ready both for the academics but also emotionally.
I look at my two right now. Sarah could probably easily handle the academics of Kdg - she is smart as a whip. But emotionally - she's still very needy. Jacob would really struggle with school at this point but he also needs to learn to manage his impulses better.
I really wished our district had a Young 5s program. That I would do. But we only have a Developmental Kdg - meaning only the kids with lowest test scores get in. I plan to do Kdg testing this spring to see if they would qualify for that (I doubt it). If they DO qualify for DK...we'll likely send them...but if they don't, they'll stay in preschool the extra year as planned.
I say that like I'm totally certain. I'm not. Even as a teacher and having talked to a LOT of people/teachers...I still wonder if I'm making the right decision.
ok...I think that's it. for now.
It's so hard to give advice on this issue. As a teacher, I've seen the same types of problems you've discussed here. However, I also watched my sister begin school 'early' and she thrived at every turn - even ended up valedictorian and she never once had a problem with being the youngest in her class. You know your kids. Do what you know will be best. :)
Holy crap look at all these comments!
First of all, I was singing Kenny Rogers before I could even get past the title. God bless Kenny Rogers!
Second, I was the oldest in my class because I was also born in the fall and my mom had me wait a year. I've been pissed at her my whole life for that! If they are even remotely ready - put them on that yellow school bus and wave goodbye. They will be ready.
I homeschool so we are not exactly coming from the same place but I assure you I'm not a crazy homeschooler and I sympathize with a lot of what you write. I would keep them back. I struggled with the same issue before I decided to homeschool (my older two are summer birthdays as well) and decided I would wait until they were 6. I watched the same issues arise while I was growing up with a sister who had a sep. 2 birthday and was started too early. Her issues boiled over to the rest of her life and I truly believe she would be a different (and better) person today had she been held back a year and not faced all the struggles she did being too immature to deal with the academic and peer issues that arose throughout the years. I've also watched my niece face similar challenges now. She just is NOT mentally ready to learn things they are teaching and struggles for hours with lots of tears never truly grasping the concepts. Then six months later the light bulb turns on and bam she just gets it. Watching that happen over and over again solidified my decision to wait until my kids were six to start kindergarten. Id rather they always be a little ahead of the game then constantly struggling to keep up.
Do you really want your mom's comment? The cut-off was December 31st for you, December 1st for your brother and now it's September 1st? Why? That honestly doesn't make any sense to me. They will have had 3 years of pre-school plus parents who educate them constantly. They will be more than ready. And, if for some reason, they aren't, you will know so you can make that decision then. I believe even developmentally-challenged children need the support of an educational environment that will help prepare them for life.
Every kid is different... but for mine: I let them enjoy their babyhood an extra year (I hate "held them back.") And I'm glad I did. I don't need them to be adults, graduated and gone from my home one year sooner. That's how I saw it.
My kiddos are August and October birthdays. So this year (as they turned five) they did a private Kindergarten program, which they were more than ready for in terms of learning and a bit young for socially. Next year, they'll "repeat" Kindergarten at public school. I think the transition will provide plenty of stimulation to avoid "boredom" and I'm happy to challenge them at home if I need to.
For my kiddos, I've seen them struggle socially this year with kids that were six starting the year in Kindergarten, so I am perfectly at ease with them doing another year of Kindergarten.
My oldest son was born at the end of July and we red shirted him for Kindergarten. I taught first grade for 10 years and I went back and forth on the decision as well. But then I did my own "mini-study" on my ten years of first grade classes and that really helped me make my decision. I wrote about it in a post - http://thewrightthingstodo.blogspot.com/2010/06/beautiful-boy.html
Good luck with whatever you decide - I know it's a tough decision!
Such a good question and it's a tough one. I lean towards holding back, but it totally depends on the kid. I think it could really go either way.
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