Dear Hailey,
I would like to publicly apologize for momentarily drowning you in the Atlantic Ocean. I really thought we could make it over that wave. I never thought, in a million years, that it would take us under and seriously kick our ass. As I was desperately trying to maintain control of your slippery little body, I should also probably apologize for landing on top of you as a second wave landed on top of us. I really meant for you to be in the air where there was oxygen rather than under the water praying for life. I'm just hoping this is one of those things that you won't remember and that I haven't caused an unending fear of the ocean. I'd also like to congratulate you on knowing that "that wave was NOT calm." The fact that you kept repeating that phrase was hysterical...once I regained consciousness.
I love you,
Mommy
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Matt,
Please stop shitting your pants during naps. Those Pull-ups aren't cheap.
Love,
Your Tired of Cleaning Your Ass Mommy
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Husband,
Thanks for an awesome vacation...one of our best. However, as I am trying to keep myself and our daughter from drowning, please refrain from asking "what happened?" over and over again. I have no fucking idea what happened and the last thing I need to hear as we're both gasping for air is "I tried to warn you."
Love you,
Wife
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Dear Condo Owners,
I hope you can forgive me for writing the review that I did...it's just that when there is a horrifically loud noise in one of the bedrooms due to a sprinkler system directly below, I feel people should know about that. The fact that we had to change our entire sleeping arrangement 2 days after we arrived is ridiculous. Yes, due to lack of sleep. Oh, and calling it a "rumbling" is like calling a hurricane a "gust of wind." I hope this doesn't cost you money, but people should know. Other than that, the place was great.
Sincerely,
Us.
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Dear Preschool,
I find it seriously unfair that you're not actually starting the Crazies' school until September 12th. I can assure you that there is no need whatsoever to ease these kids into school. You can go ahead and start the entire group right after Labor Day. I don't think you'll find a mother in town who will argue.
Thanks,
Disgruntled Parent
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Dear Hair,
Sorry you were so abused during our week at the beach. I know you were slammed by salt water, sandy winds, chlorine, and getting washed/dried/straightened every single day. I know it was hard on you, but things will get better now...I promise.
Love,
The Owner of Your Scalp
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Now, go over and answer the question in my poll...inquiring minds want to know.
10 comments:
Hey! Don't go getting yourself into those situations again!
You scared me :)
Poor Hailey! Poor Rebecca!
And I took your poll - band-aid style :)
Have you tried not letting Matt wear a pull-up at nap one day? I did with E because he was doing the same a month or so ago and once I removed the pull-up at nap he made sure to poop before and after and is completely dry at nap. Bedtime he is still in the pull-up as he hasn't made it a full 7 days being dry yet.
This was just fantastic. Enough said.
You are seriously out of your mind! Who on earth raised you? Oh, yeah, that would be me, huh? At least you're writing to your family, that's saying something. You're very funny, you know (and I'm so proud!)
PJ will not shit in the toliet at all. Pull ups and poop. Not fun.
School starts this week here in AL! : )
Glad you & Hailey are okay.
Have you tried letting Matt go without a pull-up for nap? It might be one gigantic mess, but at least then you'd know for sure...I just wonder if it's the comfort of the pull-up that makes him want to poop at naptime.
omg i can picture you and hailey sputtering and gasping for air! we all go through that terror at least once in childhood, but she'll get past it. remember when you and i were together and got pulled under? so scary!
i love the letter to your hair. why didn't you let it go curly on some days? it was vacation after all! i'm growing mine out so i can ponytail it for a while...i'm so over blowdrying it every day.
Summer hair - especially vacation hair = gel and scrunch! My hair is too curly to try to straighten when its humid out! I have only touched my hair dryer maybe 1 or 2x since May!
Yikes on the wave! That'd be my luck, too!
So...what happened with the wave and drowning again?
Teeheee....its okay. Go ahead and punch me. You'll feel better :o)
The ocean can be brutal! I'm glad you guys had fun and that hailey didn't drown for good. We've gone under a wave once or twice. It's not fun.
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