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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

May I Introduce You to Captain Shitshispants and Princess Peesalot?

That's right...I have actual royalty living in my house.

So much so that every now and then, they think they're above peeing and pooping (that's right...pooping) on the actual potty.

Gross, right?

But who am I to judge?  After all, they're royalty right?

All I can say, is that being one of their minions is getting really fucking old.

Since this kitchen remodel, Princess Peesalot has had just about one accident every afternoon.  The only afternoon that she skipped?  Yesterday, when we had a babysitter...thanks, Hailey...guess you wanted to spare her the torture that is my job every freaking day, huh?

Didn't you know that babysitting is free birth control, Hailey?

Yesterday, after lugging them around to BJs and Target and not having them pee even ONCE while we were out, Captain Shitshispants decided to blow through three pairs of underwear in 10 minutes.

I almost lost my shit...for real.

Who makes it 12 inches from the potty and the decides "nah...this is good enough...I'll take my shit right here...and then I'll step in it."  Who thinks like that????

Where is the logic???

Then, he's so freaking proud that he pooped and completely ignores the fact that he SHIT ON THE FLOOR!!  Did that completely escape him?

The thing is, they were doing SO WELL.  I think that's it...I had a taste of the good life and then had the rug pulled out from under me.

Maybe they're regressing because of all of the "being out of the house all the time because of the kitchen remodel" upheaval.  Geez...what in the hell will vacation do to them?

I'm screwed.

Oh, and then...wanna know what really sends me over the edge?  When they're standing there, with peeing running down their leg, saying "I have a accident," but they don't stop peeing...they just let it flow!!!

Phrases that inexplicably come to mind these days:

  • STOP!  STOP PEEING!!!  YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS WORSE FOR ALL OF US!!  STOP!!! 
  • WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A CRAP RIGHT HERE??
  • YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT 12 MORE INCHES?
  • STOP...DON'T DO IT THERE...YOU'RE PEEING ON YOUR BROTHER'S THOMAS BLANKET AND YOUR NEW DANCE OUTFIT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT IF I TAKE IT OFF YOU...WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? 


I didn't really totally did say those things out loud.  That would be so mean totally spot on appropriate to convey to my shitting and peeing children.

I would never want to mess my kids up like that...although, if you think about it...most of us are screwed up from something craptastic in our childhood, right?  If our kids aren't a little screwed up, won't they end up being on the outside looking in?  We've gotta give them something...they'll have nothing to talk about at summer camp.

So, sorry to vent about our latest setbacks...they're just driving me batshit crazy lately.  Other than yesterday, I guess they're holding it together pretty well.  

Me, on the other hand?  Not so much...obviously.

What's up with you guys today?

13 comments:

Jamie said...

WOW...I am way for a few days and I come back to royalty!!! I am impressed.
I have a princess in my house...she is quite good at the potty business...almost too good.
Then there is my "boy"...he is 75% and that is where he wants to hang. He is like clockwork...we lay him down in bed (in a diaper...because we "KNOW") and 45 sec later he comes to us, poo poo!
Seriously, the boy knows he does this, why not go on the potty...I am glad you asked-
Because he can sit on the potty for 2.5 hours (i am not kidding) and do nothing.
Crazy...I am glad that I am not alone in my potty training warp world!

Mom said...

Testing, testing. If you didn't make it so funny, I might be more concerned. Back to 20-minute checks - it'll serve them right

Mandy said...

Didn't they fully get potty training while on vac? Maybe you just need more vacations!

Lisa said...

I stopped putting the underwear on PJ after the third time he peed in it, saw the puddle, and promptly jumped in it. Obviously it didn't matter to him that pee was running down his leg.

Barbara Manatee said...

You make me feel better about Adam not wanting to potty train. We'll just stick with diapers, thanks! ha!

Yesterday, he was standing right next to me, stopped playing, braced himself on the table, red faced, totally grunting and I asked "Are you pooping? Do you want to go potty?" and Of course, his reply was "nope"

Yeah, i'd totally say they're just thrown off with all the crazy changes lately - and that their lil bodies can't quite control the "off" button while in mid-poop/pee.

Good luck and hang in there!!

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Now I'm laughing so hard that I'm going to have an accident!!!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com

Carrie27 said...

Oh man, this stinks! I'm sure it has all been due to the unbalance in their schedule lately and will be more normal after this upcoming vacation.

Have you taken things away for pooping or peeing on the floor? Tried overly rewarding them when they do use the potty to maybe remind them how awesome it is?

FamilyFoodFitnessandFun said...

BAHAHAHA....too funny. Sorry, I just had to laugh. I'm actually going through the same thing with my 4 year old right now. I mean really? 4 and you still shit your pants? OMG. Drives. Me. Nuts.

Danifred said...

And today, I could care less if I have to change Bean's diaper.

Andrea said...

Those are the best names ever!! :):)what is it with boys crapping their pants? I mean really, come on?!?

Amy said...

I'm visiting with a good friend who has two crazies.

strongblonde said...

ok. i'm totally pushing back any plans to potty train. :(

gross. sorry.

...but isn't it better than puke? that's the worst for me!

Cindy said...

I'm catching up - I was away and missed out on a lot. I needed to comment on this though. Those exact words have come out of my mouth recently. One of my potty trained girls has started taking poops in her underwear. Then when she is done, she says, "Oh yuck". No sh*t sherlock - why do you keep doing it? My other daughter has started missing the potty by inches or opens her legs to let the pee stream all over. WTF?