I saw something on FB the other day which prompted me to email a friend.
A friend who I met in college. We were in each other's weddings. I saw her in July when I was in NY. She took the day off of work and brought her boys to GG's pool.
We ordered pizza and drank iced coffees. It was a great day.
She emails back that she's been in the hospital since Saturday. She has a tumor on her kidney and it's being embolized that day.
They think it might be harmless...I go with that.
I wake up yesterday morning.
I realize I hadn't heard from her.
I send her sister an email because I don't want to stalk someone while they're in the hospital. That's just rude, right?
Her sister soon writes back and in one of the shortest sentences I've ever seen, announces that her sister has cancer.
Punched in the stomach...
Tears spring to my eyes while I try to tell myself that she's joking...she's got to be joking (she's kind of known for having a sick sense of humor...that's where our mutual respect comes from, but this is a little too much for my taste).
I quickly fire off a message and tell her to call me.
Buzz...Buzz...Buzz...
Shit! My phone was upstairs.
I go get it, check my computer again...my friend had written me back.
Her message included words like "growing" and "aggressive" and "renal cancer."
Oh.my.God...it's true.
Punched in the stomach...
I call her sister back and sit sobbing along with her on my basement steps. Crazies are fast asleep and Husband is out for a run, so I'm the only in my house whose heart is breaking with this knowledge.
She was peeing blood. They thought it was a bladder infection. They told the boys last night. The older one went into his room and shut the door to talk to his mother who was in a hospital bed. How could it happen to her of all people? The boys are devastated. Her husband is a mess. Our mother can't hold it together. She might be able to get in for surgery tomorrow...they had a cancellation. We can't believe this. How could this happen? How could this happen to her?
I get off the phone and write my friend back. I used words like "helpless" and "kids are resilient" and "anything I can do."
That shit sounds so trite, doesn't it?
What can I do though? She's thirty-six years old, mother of two, holds an important position at her company, is the main breadwinner of her household, holds her family together with her logic and straightforward way of telling you you're acting like an asshole and need to get it together. What can I do for her?
THIRTY-SIX...CANCER...WTF???
I talked to her during the day, but she abruptly got off the phone. You know how it is when you're in the hospital...someone is always coming in to do something.
Especially when you're getting your incredibly diseased kidney removed the next day.
We texted a few more times during the day. She was surrounded by her family. That gives me peace.
I called her last night when I was done tutoring...her phone was off. I left a message because I just want her to know that I'm thinking of her.
I fell asleep crying last night...part of me so scared because it could as easily be me...and part of me more scared because it's her.
20 comments:
you are SUCH a good friend, Rebecca.
And yes, it is hellishly scary because it could be either of us.
I'm so sorry. My husband just lost his best friend to the big C back in April so I truly know how devastating this is for all involved. I hope she is able to kick cancers ass!
Johns Hopkins Brady Urological Institute is close to you. Hopkins is cutting edge on EVERYTHING. Maybe she can get a second opinion there and stay with you?
Oh honey. I hope it's just in the one kidney and she'll be able to be okay on one kidney. I am so so sorry.
it could be any of us, unfortunately. as a cancer survivor, and at the risk of sounding like an asshole: please just do something. don't wait for her to tell you what she needs. she doesn't know. she knows she needs something, but doesn't know how to say it or what would make it better. some of the things that were nice for me: someone giving me a mani/pedi (can't go to the salon for risk of infection during treatment), trashy entertainment magazines, hard candies (these are life savers depending on what type of treatment she will need), super moisturizing chapstick (but not too smelly). if you want more ideas i have a million. :)
it totally sucks and i know how helpless you feel. this is when you also hug your kids and husband tighter and give them extra kisses.
xx
She is such a strong person that it's hard to believe it's her, isn't it? She and her family are certainly in our prayers today
Oh, that sucks. And it IS so scary, because it could easily happen to any of us.
I'll be praying for her and her family.
You are such a great friend and I know your calls, texts and friendship mean so much to her.
Praying for her!!!!
(I am so sorry, I am soooo way behind on reading blogs, blogging and well, everything.) So sorry I am just now reading this. Thinking of you.
Reading that had me holding my breath.
It sucks, and shows how fast things change.
I like that Strongblonde suggested things to do to help, because I would have no idea. And yet I wouldn't want to wait to help.
Do you know what stage? Many, many prayers for her and her family.
Absolutely horrible. Take on the advice of strongblonde and utilize her to help do anything you can. She knows she is loved and cared for. Hugs.
Oh, Rebecca, I'm so sorry to hear this. This shit just comes out of nowhere. My dad was 37 when he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma (they found a tumor the size of a grapefruit growing on his heart). He was the healthiest person in our family---it was so unexpected. I'll be thinking of you and your friend.
So hits home when it is someone our age!! So very sorry to read this!! You are a good friend!! Saying prayers for her and her family!
This hits home so hard but I'm so glad you have the opportunity to have seen her recently and talk to her now.
A good friend of mine from college passed away almost 2 years ago from cancer. She was 2 years younger than me...so maybe 30? We talked infrequently and she lived in Chicago so we rarely saw each other anymore. I think the last time I saw her was at my baby shower for the twins and I talked to her when I was PG with Adam. I had no idea she was even sick...until an old mutual friend found me on FB and said he couldn't believe the news. I had no idea what he was talking about. When I checked her FB page - I seriously fell apart. Not only had I not even heard the news that she was sick...but it went fast and she'd passed away the week before. Less than 6 months from Dx.
I don't mean to tell you that to freak you about about how long your friend may have...but I'm saying I'm glad for your sake that you have some time to talk to her, be with her and hopefully see her through this. I deeply regret not having that chance with my friend.
I agree with the other commenters that strongblonde has some great suggestions. It's hard to ask for help sometimes.
Your friendship seems close enough for you to be able to just show up and give her a helping hand and a long hug. Many prayers to your friend. May she kick cancer in the butt!
Oh, Rebecca. I'm so very sorry. Just reading this post made me cry. The world is full of so much suffering...it just doesn't make any sense. I wish her (and you) well with all of my heart.
Oh honey, I am so sorry. Love to you, her and her family. It just sucks.
I'm so sorry about your friend, the world sometimes just sucks in the most awkward ways. I hope that God gives her enough strength to kick cancer's ass!!
I'm so sorry. Stuff like this is hard and scary. This sucks.
:( I am so sorry. cancer is a bitch.
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