 |
| Thanks for hosting, Shell! |
Mondays are a good day for us.
No tutoring.
No activities in the afternoon.
The Crazies have preschool and while they're there, I complete one of the most difficult workout classes known to mankind (or that's what I tell myself).
I run an errand or two in my sweaty state and then go pick them up.
I sometimes can shower before lunch and sometimes I can't (a.k.a. they won't sit still for a movie long enough for me to escape without worrying that someone will end up with a concussion).
It doesn't really matter though because of the lack of afternoon/evening activities.
So, yesterday, I decide that I'll shower right before naps, but I'll forgo drying my hair (on a typical day, my hair is straight thanks to several heating elements...if I don't jump through those hoops, my hair is quite curly).
Of course, I'll still apply makeup...I'm not completely uncivilized.
The Crazies had their nap/quiet time (I have no idea what goes on up there).
They actually slept quite late.
I opened their doors.
I started dinner downstairs...making no attempt to be quiet. After all, they can't sleep all night, right?
Hailey starts calling me, so I run upstairs.
She takes one look at me and says, "Mommy, go back and make yourself pretty now, otay?"
She stopped me dead in my tracks.
Are you saying I'm not pretty?
Are you ashamed of me?
You do realize you're THREE, don't you?
She laughed it off and explained (as only Hailey could) that she just likes my hair better straight (as she pulled it down to my shoulders), but that she loves me anyway.
Thanks a lot, kid...
I started thinking about it later though. I am the type of woman who does like to be presentable.
I do my hair, my makeup, and choose outfits that make me feel put-together as well as proud of myself.
The Crazies are very used to this.
If I'm not dressed for the day, I'm dressed for the gym (and I always stress that I do that to stay healthy, not be skinny...that is very important to me to make that clear...we don't need any errant body image issues popping up at the age of three).
They rarely see me not giving a shit...and of that, I'm proud.
We should care. We should try. We should give a shit.
Why am I Pouring my Heart Out about this, one might ask?
I don't really know...it just hit me. I have shown my daughter that a woman is typically put together and looks nice. I have shown her that taking the time to make yourself feel good is important. I have (with the aid of Husband) shown her that regular "upkeep" is important and not only makes you look better, but feel better. I have shown her that when you're put together, you are more likely to make good decisions and you can get more done.
I believe all of this wholeheartedly.
But...am I creating someone who is shallow? Am I creating a young lady who believes that people that don't try aren't good enough? Am I creating a young lady who will base her opinions on what people look like rather than who they really are? Sounds bad, right?
But is it so wrong?
Thoughts?
25 comments:
You are beautiful without makeup and straight hair. I'm a ton older than my granddaughter and KNOW this for sure! Are you now going to write a blog about how skewed my opinion is because I'm your mom? I think not...
She's three. She learning. Let her know that that isn't a nice thing to say to anyone and let it go.
I am so proud that you keep yourself in shape and always (almost always apparently) look put together. It's important to you and you live by your standards. Don't dwell...
Dare you to go out without mascara :)
It's a tough thing here. I'm sure she's heard you say something similar to "make myself look pretty" and she was repeating it because how you looked after that wasn't how you looked then.
I don't wear makeup or do my hair (besides brushing it and the occasional straight iron) so I can't really help. Maybe I should just shut uP!
I wouldn't over-analyze it too much. She's used to seeing you one way during the day, so it was different to see you look another way. Maybe you can sort out that it's okay to relax and take off the "public face" in a sense, at home sometimes. I rarely wear makeup or straighten my hair on the weekends, and A & M don't seem to notice much either way yet. They know how I look when I go to work, and that I don't usually dress up or wear that much makeup when I'm not working.
It's great to teach her to respect her body and her appearance, but I think it's equally important to relax a little sometimes too. : )
P.S. I totally respect you for putting on makeup and "real" clothes every day as a SAHM! I know I am a MILLION times more productive after I've had a shower and prepared for the day...even though it's tempting to stay in my pajamas when I get a day at home.
I hate to scare you but Hailey sounds like Bella when she was that age...heehee!
I've always tried to emphasize that when I put myself together, I just feel better about myself...more confident, happier and more energetic. I try to focus on how it makes me feel inside.
While Bella is very confident and doesn't seem to have any issues with her body at the present time, she is very into how she dresses and wears her hair. But I think that's more because she's a very strong willed and opinionated person, more than it is about wanting to be "pretty". She has her specific style and knows how she wants to look.
I don't think it makes a person shallow to care about their outside appearance, esp if it makes you feel better about yourself.
It's such a fine line, though, isn't it? Esp with having a daughter, I feel like I need to watch what I say constantly.
That Hailey is too much.
I think it's mostly good that you do take care of yourself; just balance it with saying occasionally that to be more "relaxed" is also a good thing at times!
I have very, very mixed feelings about this. I, too, like to look presentable, but I do have my days where I do not give a shit whatsoever about how I look. Sometimes comfort is more important to me, and I give into it. Guilty!
As for the message you're sending to Hailey, I think there is definitely a fine balance. Like you said, you're trying to make it clear that you work out to stay healthy and put yourself together to make yourself feel good. As long as she's getting the message that you're doing these things for you (and for good reasons!) then I don't see anything to worry about.
We should care but not to the point that looks is all we care about. My kids see me go out without make up, but I am always clean (shower, hair washed, sort of fixed)I figure this is me......
My girls see me in pajama pants plenty! I was doing great about getting up and dressed...until they started getting up at the CrAcK of dawn again. Grrr...
This is such a loaded question, though. I think you're doing a great job of stressing health and taking care of yourself, and that's what's important. Even in my pj's, I try to do that, too. :)
I did have a similar experience recently, though...or at least it felt like it. The girls often see me in my glasses in the morning. I'll tell them I'm going to put my contacts in, and occasionally add that it makes my eyes feel better to do that.
A few days ago I was having some trouble with my contacts, so I put my glasses on at lunchtime. B nearly had a meltdown! I think her issue was just that what I was doing was out of my usual routine...but it definitely made me feel a little self-conscious or something.
While I'm not always the best dressed, I always take the time to do my hair, make up and not just sit in PJs or sweats, even on our days home. I feel better about myself that way. I'm very self conscious about myself and I know I'll feel better if I make an effort to take care of myself.
Now that I've made the commitment to my self - better skin care, working out, losing weight - I also talk to my kids a lot about being healthy - eating healthy, exercising, taking care of ourselves. I try not to talk about 'being skinny' around them (I'm skinnier than I was, but not "Skinny"!) - but definitely at a much better place!
I always feel better when I take the time to do my hair and get out of my pjs, but don't do it every day. Maybe just for my own well-being I should put more effort into me. You've raised some very interesting ideas. Thanks.
You would tell me I need a fashion intervention if you saw me right now.
I think it's good to show her that people should make an effort to put themselves together.
I bet she is probably repeating something she heard along the way that was a remark made in passing, "going to make myself look pretty" or explaining make up "to make me look pretty." I wouldn't read too much into it, I'm sure you are giving her all the confidence in the world.
Keep in mind that this response is coming from someone who doesn't wear make up and has a basic, no fuss hairdo. I work for a large company in a professional office setting and attend church regularly and am on our praise team so I spend a lot of time in front of people.
But this is also easily one of my soapbox issues.
I never want my kids to judge me or anyone else by the way they look, their hairstyle, the clothes they wear, the size or shape of their body, etc. My purpose is to raise kids who focus on the content of the character of a person.
I also want my kids- I have a son and a daughter- to grow up being proud of WHO they are and I want them defining their self-worth on their own and not based on how someone else looks at them.
And I also know that at age 3-4, in terms of child development, it's totally normal for a kid to see a basic change in appearance in the parent and question it or notice it because they are still figuring out if someone looking different means they are someone different.
I sit here in PJs and uncombed hair, gasp.
But I think it is nice to make an effort, and so, when we are ready to venture out I'll "get ready."
When I do make myself up even more than normal, my daughter often remarks how pretty I look. I makes me wonder what she thinks the other days! :)
I think its a personal preference kind of thing. I'm a jeans, ponytail and no fuss kind of girl. That's what my hubby like too though. He prefers me without makeup and looking casual to all done up. For someone else - that might not work. I think you're teaching her what works for your family and that's okay too!
I'm the opposite. I think my girls need to feel beautiful in their own skin, and without all the fuss of makeup and perfection. Because I know I will not be letting them have makeup until well into high school, but that's just me.
Do I get dressed and put together, of course, but mostly on the days we have plans. If I'm going to work out after drop off, I throw my hair in a pony, no make up, then shower and put myself together. This is something I have only done in the past year or two, though. I used to be overly concerned with always looking presentable and would not leave the house without having makeup on and my hair done.
I don't Hailey's opinion is skewed, it's just what she is used to. Do you ever wear your hair curly? I have wavy hair that has to be blow dried straight or I use the curling iron to make it curlier, just curious.
I don't think it's bad to teach her to care for herself. What would be bad is if she learned to judge others by their appearance. Not everyone can afford the best of things.
I agree with the others in that I think she was just not used to you having your hair curly. Maybe she thought you weren't finished getting ready. She's 3 I'm sure she forgot about it 5 minutes or less after she said it. haha
I think in reality we all feel better when we do something for ourselves whether it be makeup hair or whatever. However I think there is a fine line when we try to leave that as something for us and not making it us. I think if you tell her that all the pretty doodads in the world cannot hide an ugly inside will help. Showing her that true beauty comes from what we have inside of us and make us that much prettier. other then that she is 3 she is used to a routine and a variation of it can throw her off.
I have three girls, so I totally struggle with that. I think it's a balance, you don't want them to think they have to get dolled up for people to like them, but on the flip side you don't want them to think being schlubby and not put together is ok either. It's a struggle to keep the balance.
I am the type to get up and shower right away and put myself together. So I completely get it.
I don't think you are creating a shallow individual. She is just used to you one way. I think it is important to show her that you value you, and isn't that really what you are doing by getting ready.
I think it's important to look nice. Not for others but for myself. I agree that you feel better. It also sets a nice example to lot hot for your man. So I'm with you on all this. However, some days are just sweats days! :) I think there's a healthy middle ground here.
I see where you're coming from. I feel so much better when I feel like I look good. I think it's a good thing to teach children, as long as they know to do it for themselves - not for others. My sister stopped caring for almost 4 years after she had her son. She wore dirty clothes, messy hair, and put more weight on ON TOP of the baby weight. She finally started caring again and you can tell she's happier.
:) we always want what we can't have. you know what i focused on in this post? that you have naturally curly hair!!! damnit! my hair is bone straight and i've been trying to find a way to keep it curly for my whole life!!! hahahahaa.
and fwiw: i think you're setting a great example for H. :)
i just blogged on something similar, i think they should see us how we really are. the rest of what we teach them will help to combat the "pretty" so that shallow won't be an issue in the future.
i don't think there's anything wrong with that.
i feel and ACT so much happier when i dress nice/do my hair/makeup/workout etc - that is something that i want to show my daughter as well - a little effort - inside and out - goes a long way.
Post a Comment