I’ve had vertigo for a couple of weeks now. It’s awesome having vertigo while chasing around the Crazies…for serious.
Anyway, I had to go in to get some testing done…they shot water into my inner ear at an alarming rate, made me follow some dots with my eyes, and made me throw myself backward while promising to catch me. Good times…I’m paying a babysitter $12 an hour to be abused.
Oh, and they made me take my make-up off…that alone sent me into a panic. What can I say? I’m a Long Island girl at heart!
After all that, the doctor was unable to find the source of my vertigo. The next step is a brain scan. In today’s society where we’ve heard the term, “brain scan” so many times through ER, Grey’s Anatomy, and Mystery Diagnosis that we’re a little desensitized.
Maybe we shouldn't be!
As I drove home, wondering what chaos ensued during my absence, I started really thinking about what a brain scan could mean. My mind started jumping and here are some of the questions/concerns that sprung to mind:
· What if it’s cancer?
· What if I need chemo?
· I hate puking.
· Who will take care of the Crazies if I’m puking?
· I don’t want them to see me sick.
· What if Husband has to stay home to take care of me and we’re stuck in this house forever?
· What if there’s a big chunk of my brain missing and I never knew?
· This does explain why I forget everything lately.
· What if I have a really big “curse section?”*
· I don’t want to lose my hair.
· I don’t want to lose my memory.
· I don’t want to lose myself.
· Should I be more worried right now???
I had a little “holy-crap-i’m-about-to-cry-and-i-really-don’t-want-to” moment and then it passed. This is the typical next step. I’d rather know what is causing this vertigo rather than ignoring it.
But still...it's a brain scan...
I just needed to vent all of this out. I know it's not atypical for them to order a brain scan...I talked to Sister who is an NP at a neurologist's office. She knows what she's talking about, but there is always that fear.
So, they're scanning my brain later on this week...aren't you interested in what they find? Good thing they can't read my thoughts!!!!
* "Curse section" is the part that completes most of my sentences internally...that way, when Matt runs into a wall, I don't say, "oh, are you okay, dumbass?" or when Hailey slams her head on the table while trying to reach her feet, I don't say "honey, please be more fucking careful." It's probably really inflamed after the past six months!