Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Monday, January 31, 2011

Punching Out By Noon (you may want to kill me after reading this)

5:24 AM - dog pukes, I run downstairs followed by Husband, I grab two paper towels and a Clorox wipe, clean it up (without gagging once...holla!), ignore hungry looking dog, and go back to sleep for 30 minutes.
6:00 AM - alarm sounds...Orinoco Flow by Enya...quite a nice way to wake up...you should try it.
6:22 AM - actually get out of bed and into shower.
6:30 AM - curse builder of our house for putting heat duct right next to shower...my legs are cold dammit!  That's what I get for shaving them...
7:02 AM - Husband tries to leave for work.
7:02 AM - Husband realizes that door is frozen shut.  Stupid icicles dripping from the roof have splashed up, frozen, and made us prisoners in our own home.
7:03 AM - Husband breaks through ice barrier, but informs me that Matt is now awake (it wasn't a quiet process).
7:04 AM - "Mommy, I wanna get out."  "Honey, I need to read blogs get ready just a little bit more.  Can you lay in bed for 22 more minutes a few more minutes?"  "Yeah..."  I love this kid!!!
7:42 AM - Go up to get Crazies, get told which shirt Matt is and is not wearing, get reminded by Hailey that we're starting our Sticker Charts* today, get fed up because Matt is not getting out of bed, relieved that no one falls down the stairs.
8:00 AM - Give Crazies their new photo albums that I made for them last night and start breakfast.
8:02 AM - check the Crazies in the living room and love that they're showing each other their pictures and sitting on the couch together.  Feel pretty good about myself...last time that will happen for a while!
8:03 AM - Matt brings his photo album into me and says, "I done...no want any more."
8:10 AM - All sit down to eat breakfast.
8:22 AM - I'm finished eating, so I pop in Nemo (after repeated promises that we'd skip the "scary part with the Shark and the mean man") and start dishes while talking to G.G.
8:42 AM - WTF???  I've got to finish getting dressed, salt the icy steps, get shoes/boots and socks on the Crazies, wrestle them out of their seats, get their jackets on, let the dog out, get ready for the gym, get school bags together, pack snacks, remember the grocery list, get the mail, and put a little lipstick on (after all, I never leave the house without it...it's a disease).
8:47 AM - "Yes, you are going to school.  Nemo is over...it's done."  
8:48 AM - "Get your jacket on, please."  "NO!!!"
8:49 AM - "Get your jacket on, please or I'll do it for you."  "NO!!!"
8:50 AM - "Mommy, I nice...Matt not listenin."  "That's right, honey...I'm about to open a can of whoopass on him right now."
8:55 AM - Okay, time to get in the car..."I bring my pictures?"  "No."  "Waaaaahhhhh!!!!"
8:58 AM - "Don't walk in the snow!!!"
9:03 AM - Pull out of the driveway.
9:12 AM - Deliver Crazies to the classroom...teacher didn't have stomach virus (no offense, but thank God you and your germs didn't touch my little angels), but she had vertigo...sounds vaguely familiar.
9:20 AM - Post office
9:25 AM - Gym
10:15 AM - decide there's not enough time to do yoga stretches...I'll do it at home (yeah, right).
10:20 AM - food store...see friend...annoy old people (I'm just too speedy...get outta my way!!!)...search for Tamari...get Kale (feel very healthy)...check out while making small talk with the checker.
11:10 AM - sit at broken light wondering if anyone actually slows down for a yellow light...apparently not.
11:13 AM - speed walk into preschool to pick up Crazies, inadvertently mention that Matt probably won't potty train for a while since he informed me that he had two penises this morning, avoid weird looks from other Moms.
11:18 AM - greeted Crazies, ushered them out of the school, and saved them from near death in the parking lot.
11:20 AM - "I want purple Frooze!!!!" "I only have yellow."  "I WANT PURPLE."  "It's yellow or nothing."  "Okay..."
11:30 AM - arrive at bank...deposit checks.
11:41 AM - arrive home, unload Crazies, explain to Matt that the mail lady will not turn around b/c she has a route to complete, watch him stomp on the ground and scream at her, remind him to stay out of the snow, lose my temper as he walks through the snow in his regular shoes, listen to Hailey tell me that she's "good and nice," get them inside, remove boots, remove my sneakers, pee, remember that I have not yet unloaded groceries...FML!!!!!
11:43 AM - pull boots and jackets back on, repeatedly carry in bags of groceries and promise the Crazies that they could help me put the food away once I was done.  Plead with them to stay in the living room and not drag any of the very heavy bags off the counter onto their heads.
11:48 AM - direct Crazies to put frozen things in the freezer, open drawers for cheese/veggies/fruits, lift Matt up to put yogurts away, lose sight of my garlic bread and wonder if I'll ever see it again.  They are actually very good helpers with the groceries...I actually enjoy this part of food shopping.
11:58 AM - shit...gotta make lunch...ham/cheese sushi, granola, yogurt, and oranges...awesome - I DON'T HAVE TO COOK ANYTHING!!!
12:00 PM - punching out...I've done enough...


* Sticker Charts are starting today for the following behaviors:
  • Putting clothes in laundry (easy)
  • Saying "please" and "thank you" (not easy...constant reminders)
  • Putting toys away (easy for Hailey...nearly impossible for Matt)
  • Good bath (depends on the day)

Makes My Monday: Worth The Wait Visits

 
A long overdue visit from Aunt Manda makes my Monday.  What a great weekend!  Thanks Cheryl for making me face Mondays!!!

Morning snuggles craved by all parties...

Something really important to say...I'm sure


Matthew's proud "literary" find in the guest bedroom, Hailey's bored-with-Matthew's-antics look, Aunt's genuinely amused look (yes, this picture could totally get me nominated for Mother of the Year...why do you ask?)