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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Things I Would Have Tweeted if I Understood Twitter

That's right...I don't get Twitter and I may never get Twitter.

What a disability, huh?

I've read that it's perfect for the blogger with ADD...

I could totally fall into that category.

But, alas, I do not understand how it works or why people would give a shit about what I have to say on a minute-to-minute basis.

Who has that much time?

So, here are things that I would have tweeted if I had a Twitter...I'm starting to remind myself of the Woodchuck who would chuck wood...

  • This commercial is one of the most visually appealing commercials I have ever seen and makes me want to eat yogurt...or take a milk bath...can't figure out which one right now.
  • If you're not friends with me on FB, you missed this little ditty:
Me: OMG...your diaper is so full!
Matt: Nope...I just have a big penis!

  • I have a "friend" who is giving up FB for lent...what is sinful about FB?  Voyeurism?  Slothiness?  Envy?  Help me out here...

  • If I had a bazooka this morning, Dog would be dead...for serious.

  • I am keeping a pair of headphones near my computer just so I don't miss any of the Jon Stewart clips about educators...he's cracking me up.

  • I generally think AAA is a waste of money until I get a flat tire...then I would gladly pay more for their services.

  • Why do we still have Valentine's Day balloons in my living room??? 

  • I am so behind on reading blogs that it's almost shameful (if it weren't a completely optional extra-curricular thing to do in my "spare time").

  • I am cracking up that a commenter (you know who you are) thought I'd change a flat tire on my own...do you not know me at all???  NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!!

  • Conferences for 2-year olds are a waste.

  • My kids are fighting again...can I use the spray bottle tactic that worked with Dog?  Or is that considered child abuse?

  • When people compliment me on the Crazies' behavior, I have to stop telling them that I sedate them before going out in public...I'm starting to get weird looks.

  • We stopped by a gymnastics place and Matt went ape-shit...loved it.  I think we'll be signing up shortly.

  • My house perpetually looks like someone just ransacked the joint.

  • I can't wait for my girls' weekend in May...G.G. and Sister...all to myself!

  • I think I either need to go back to work (haha...not yet) or school...I'm boring myself on a daily basis!

  • I miss Target!

  • Dog farts are crippling.

So, there you have it.  I could be witty (or boring depending on how much you enjoy my humor) all day long...if I could figure this Twitter shit out.