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Thursday, March 31, 2011

I'm Not Touchy

When I see people who kiss their parents on the lips, my stomach turns a little bit.

When I see families who hug for no reason, I wonder where that came from.

Mine doesn't do that.

It's not that we don't like each other, but we're not huge touchers...and I'm okay with that.

It's because of this that I am very aware of touch.

I love big bear hugs from Husband.

I had grown to love the hugs that I'd get from students on the last day of school (except for the pervs that were just trying to feel my boobs through their t-shirts).

The Crazies have led me to an entirely different level of touch though.  

Not only did they grow inside of my body (talk about close quarters), but when they came out, they needed to touch me...needed it.

I held them close to my skin when they were born.  I had no idea what I was doing.  They were all wrinkly and made weird noises, but I held them...seemed like the right thing to do.

As they grew through their infancy, I was in survival mode.  All of my effort was on making sure they were fed, clothed, cleaned, and relatively happy.  With two infants, there wasn't a whole lot of time for touching though.  

We were too overwhelmed for nightly massages.

We were too tired for rocking the Crazies to sleep.

We were too confused to be huge touchers.

Don't get me wrong...we hug, we kiss, we cuddle, but it's not all the time.

I read stories about mothers who snuggle with their babies for hours...who sleep and nap with their children...who are huge touchers...that's just not me...I make no apologies.

Anyway, there is a point to all of this (you were wondering, right?)...

There are some touches that I get these days...touches that completely take me by surprise.

Since I haven't kept much of a baby book for the Crazies, I wanted to share them here...their online baby book.

I love when their little hands reach out instinctively for mine.  They know that my hand will be there.  They know the exact height for their hand.  They know I won't let them down.

When we're reading, sometimes Matthew sits next to me and puts his hands on my shoulder.  He'll move his little fingers around, but his hand will stay...feeling like a butterfly on my shoulder.

When Hailey really wants our attention, she'll put her hands on our cheeks and actually turn our head in her direction.

There are times where their little hands will brush against the skin inside my wrist.  I never knew how lightly they could touch or how sensitive that skin was.  I love it.  It's the softest feeling I've ever experienced.

When my hair is wet after a shower, they're fascinated with it.  They touch it so lightly...

There are times when I wear a new shirt or piece of jewelry.  They love to check it all out, tell me how pretty it is (Matt tells me it's "cool"), and just feel the newness of it all.

When I'm sitting one of them on my lap to put on their shoes, their little hands will sit right on my forearm...like that's where they were meant to be.

I just wanted to get that down.  I love their little touches.  I know they'll go away one day.  I just want to remember them because they startle me every time...I have only known these little people for 2.5 years, but their touch can give me the most beautiful butterflies.  I'm pretty damn lucky for that.