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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Welcome To Newport, Rhode Island...Where Even The Upper Middle Class is Considered Poor - PART II

So, it continues...I'll squish the last two days into one post in case you're sick of hearing about my fun times.

I was laughing my ass off at some of your comments from yesterday.  Some of you really need to get away!!!


  • Slept til 9.
  • Took an uninterrupted shower.
  • Ate breakfast at some little joint down the 11:30.
  • Walked back to the hotel to do some "business."
  • Decided to go to the mansions...I thought this was going to be totally boring, but it was really interesting.  Just shows you that you gotta try new things while on vacation, right?
  • Talked about whether we should drive or walk.
  • Changed into sneakers b/c we were going to walk...that's what I get for not being able to read a map to figure out that the mansions were 1,582,925 miles away from the hotel.
  • Walked.
  • Walked.
  • Walked.
  • Looked at map to see if we could figure out where the fuck we were.
  • Took random pictures (see below).
  • Marveled at how rich some of these people were.
  • Wondered if they read my blog...hahahahahahahaaaaa.
  • Walked.
  • Walked.
  • Walked.
  • Finally reach Chateau Sur la Mer...House by the Sea.
  • Took pictures of trees.
  • Got a buy-one-get-one code from some dude and his wife outside the mansion...totally cashed that shit in.
  • Was told that I couldn't take ANY pictures in the mansion.
  • Bought tickets.
  • Peed in the mansion and seriously wanted to take pictures of the bathroom just to feel like a rebel...yes, I'm that asshole.
  • Took a tour.
  • Nearly shit my pants when our very soft spoken tour guide almost took a bitch out for taking her camera out...she was like a bouncer in a club.  It was awesome.
  • Laughed at some tiny little young woman for losing her balance...we're such idiots.  We're supposed to be all quiet and interested in the tapestry on the wall.  This girl loses her balance for a split second and Sister and I are LOSING IT!  Ridiculous.
  • Leave the mansion.
  • Kick ourselves for not bringing any water or anything to eat.
  • Check the map to see which mansion offers "refreshments."
  • Find it.
  • Walk.
  • Walk.
  • Walk.
  • Find The Breakers.
  • Pee in the Breakers.
  • Buy a $2 bottle of water.
  • Take a listening tour of The Breakers.  Lemme tell you...listening tours are awesome b/c everyone is quiet.  It was silent.  I loved looking at some of the people's faces though...pretending so much to be it.
  • Leave The Breakers and decide that we can't go on.
  • Figure out that it will take us a ridiculous amount of time to get back to the hotel.
  • Start walking anyway.
  • Contemplate calling a the middle of the some field...near some college.  Very specific, right?
  • Get a horrific cramp in my foot.
  • Realize it's not going away.
  • Keep a total gimp.
  • Walk.
  • Walk.
  • Complain.
  • Walk.
  • Complain.
  • See a traffic light.
  • Nearly get run over by a fire truck.
  • Complain.
  • Finally see a restaurant that we wanted to try anyway...limp in there and find a table, order drinks, chowda, and relax.
  • Walk back to hotel.
  • Realize we have like 1.5 hours before our dinner reservation.
  • Watch "He's Just Not That Into You."
  • Call the front desk for a cab...get told that if we can get ready in 5 minutes, we can get driven in the hotel car.
  • Squeal with delight about the hotel car.
  • Get ready really quick!
  • Forget to take a picture :(
  • Get to the drive of the hotel and wait for the car.
  • See a Towncar pull up and immediately start to get in.
  • Get told by a bellhop that it's the car of a guest...not the hotel car.
  • Laughed our asses off.
  • Get picked up by actual hotel car.
  • Harass the driver...Erik.
  • Get to restaurant.
  • Have awesome dinner...ribeye, mashies, peanut butter dessert...YUM!
  • Call the hotel for car again.
  • Get picked up like rich people.
  • Harass the driver...Erik.
  • Stumble back to hotel.
  • Watch some Denzel Washington movie...Eli something...
  • Fall into bed and sleeeeeeepppppp.
1.  I want that porch.
2.  Awesome bell-shaped tree...I seriously felt like I was a hundred years old marveling at these trees...I'm so lame.
3.  I now need a cast iron gate at the entrance to my home.
4.  The tulips in this town were amazing...ah-mazing.
5.  The three ladies at The Breakers.
6.  Another awesome tree that I felt compelled to record.
7.  The gargoyle that I need to have at my door.
8.  The reason I will not only name my next home, but also have a gate.
9.  Outside The Breakers...incredible.

Stupid Conversation #2
Hope you brought some long sleeves for the rest of the weekend because it's going to be cold.
I know...I'm scared.
Me too...I'm so SCARED!!!
Cue hysterical laughter and refilling of wine glasses.

Sorry...I can't squish...just a little more for tomorrow and then back to the Crazies...I promise.  I'm just too tired to get it all out right now!!!