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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Tuesday Vent...I Totally Suck At Bedtime (and I don't even like it very much)

I know I've written about this again, but isn't life with toddlers about constant evolution?

Or the lack thereof?

I'm pretty sure we're regressing.

Every now and then, Husband and I notice an issue that is getting worse and decide that it's time for a change.

Our issue right now is the dreaded bedtime.

I have visions of everyone else's house calm, loving, dimmed lights, soft stories, little tickle sessions, cradling, hugs, kissed, tuck-ins, and soft music as the parents leave the room.

That's how it is all over the world, right?  

Except in my house.

My house resonates chaos.

You can probably hear it if you're walking by...and the windows are closed...and you're deaf.

I can typically manage the chaos (I like to call it "mildly controlled chaos"), but by the end of the day, I'm DONE!

Here are some of the requests that we're currently fielding:
  • Fix my puzzle.
  • I want to read another book.
  • The curtains are wrong.
  • I got a big boogie.
  • I need socks.
  • I need lotion.
  • I have tears.
  • I have tears on my cheeks.
  • I have tears on my chin.
  • My teeth hurt.
  • I'm sick.
  • I need water.
  • I need new pajamies.
  • My hair hurts.
  • I'm wet.
  • Where's Slush (Hailey's freaking tiny stuffed dog that's impossible to find amongst her million other stuffies in her crib)?
  • Tuck Mickey in!
  • I need tuck-in.
  • I have a cut-nail (that's a hangnail in Crazy Talk).
  • I need a tissue.
  • My blankie is wet.
  • Turn the light back on!
  • Come back in here, now!

Don't get me wrong...at least we're not hearing curse words anymore, but this is so freaking annoying!!!!  I hate the fact that I'm not enjoying bedtime at all.  I have kind of enjoyed the build-up to bedtime...the baths, the pajammies, the stories...I like all of that.  It's the aftermath when we actually need to get to bed.

So, not being one to complain without having a solution, here's what we're going to do (and don't be shy to offer your stories or remedies...we could use all the help we can get):

  • We are going to switch nights for who does bedtime...we think it might be better when it's just one of us (although, judging from my experience last night, I kind of suck, so I think Husband should do it every night).
  • We are going to just leave after a designated amount of time trying to appease them and come back in 5 minutes later if they're still screaming/crying/yelling/throwing their whips at us like slave drivers.
  • We are just going to ignore their manipulative asses...they're not hurt, they're spoiled, and they're working us...we're done.
  • We are going to drink heavily every night to recover our sanity (this one is a complete lie...maybe...probably...definitely).

Any other ideas?
Disclaimer #1:  In general, Matthew is the real culprit of these demands...he's been a real piece of work lately and is definitely earning the title of "Squeaky Wheel."  Hailey has been pretty damn awesome.
Disclaimer #2:  Now that I've said that, she's going to lose her damn mind as well.