Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Hi, My Name is...

...and that's usually as far as I get before my once honed social skills fail me once again.

Let's face it...I used to have good social skills.

I could start a conversation, maintain a conversation, and even follow along in a conversation.

Then came the Crazies.

Recently, I have found myself making small talk at various places...the grocery store, the gym, the library...and every time I'm finished with one of these short conversations, I ask myself, "what the fuck did we just talk about?"  

I've also asked myself, "did that even make any sense?"

A woman at yoga complimented me on my mat last week...this is how the conversation went...I think...don't quote me:

That's a nice mat.
Thanks...I got it at Target.
Oh...I love that place.
Yeah...I had to get a pretty mat so I could start yoga at home before I realized I could do it without falling over.
End conversation.

WTF did I just talk about???  I meant to say something about how I had to get a pretty mat so that I'd be motivated to work out at home, but it didn't come out like that at all...and it took me an entire day to realize what I was actually trying to say.  Now that woman thinks that a conversation about Target leads to me talking about what a klutz I am and how I fall down in the middle of my own living room...way to draw her in to my circle of friends, huh?

Not to mention the fact that I have completely walked away from people in the middle of a conversation.

I meant to finish the conversation, but got distracted and never went back...WTF?

Sure, I'll apologize later on...if I ever see the person again, but seriously...people must think I'm crazy!

I still remember talking to one of the preschool Moms about how she was moving into a new house and somehow ending up talking about the unused vibrator that I'm completely scared of in my bedside table.  Something about how I'm afraid to move because I'm worried that the scary vibrator will somehow make its way out of the bedside table and end up in the movers' the hell did I make the leap from moving to vibrators???  I'd like to know!!!

I'm sure she would too!  LOL

I'm not all failed stories and unended conversations though...yesterday I met a woman and carried on a fairly decent conversation about our summer plans while catching the Crazies coming down a water slide...and neither of them drowned* more than once.  Go me!

I'm pretty sure I talk to another Mom about Cheez-its too.  No water-related accidents during that conversation either.

So, there you have it...a year and a half of infertility treatments, 38.5 weeks of twin pregnancy, 2 years of fogginess due to twin infancy, a 9 month recovery from a knee injury, and I'm a total social reject.

How about you guys?  Do you have trouble with this shit too?  Is your brain mushy?  Have you left conversations thinking "WTF did I just say???"

*  By "drowned," I mean that they completely avoid standing up at the bottom of the water slide and end up going underwater...where they still don't stand up.  Nice survival skills, huh?  They just wait for me (a non-swimmer) to rescue** them...erg.

**  By "rescue," I mean yank them out of the water before the next kid comes down and plows right into their skulls.  I then plop them back on level ground or steer them to the ladder and wish them the best of luck.  I can't be in three places at once, so I choose the bottom of the slide...seems to make the most sense to me, but WTF do I know?