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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Living on a Whim and a Prayer...avoiding all shit-astrophes...

That's how I live my life...apparently.

Gee, I never meant to...

Guess that's how I got into this mess in the first place...no advanced planning.

(unless you count trying for months to get pregnant, keeping immaculate personal records, going to every single IUI appointment, taking rounds upon rounds of drugs to get pregnant on time every time, following all of the instructions for my IVF religiously, and then remembering every single thing anyone had ever told me about being pregnant...good, bad, or otherwise)

Remember when I took the binks away?  I just did it.  I didn't know I was going to do it.  Husband was informed by a text message while he was working out at the gym.  It was just done because I was totally sick of the build-up.

I hate build-up.

Not residue (although that's kind of annoying too)...just build-up.

I also hate talking about the same inevitable shit over and over again.

It drives me nuts.

It is for this reason that I chose yesterday to potty train the Crazies.

Well, not only that reason...I also chose yesterday because we were stuck inside the house all freaking day long.  We had to wait for the Salvation Army to come get some dressers (yes, the desk is en route...YIPPEE!!!).

So, what else to do on a really hot day with nowhere to go...learn how to pee in a pot.

Am I admitting that I chose to potty train the Crazies because I had nothing better to do???  Whatever...no judgement, right?  Didn't we have to sign a pledge or something to be nice to each other?

Anyway...I made the decision very quickly...and never looked back...well, maybe once or twice.

Here's how it went:

  • Great...the Crazies are up way too early.
  • You're going to read some books while Mommy tries to "finish some things up."  That's code for "trying to catch up on blogs," but no one needs to know that, right?
  • Shit...you pooped?  I'll be right up.
  • Great...you both pooped?
  • Well, guess what?  No more diapers today...we're going to start our potty training.
  • Sorry, but I don't care if you want a diaper.
  • No, no diapers.  Not today...you're becoming a big boy and a big girl today.  
  • Don't you want that?
  • NO?  Too freaking bad!!!  I want that!!!
  • Get in there and brush your teeth.
  • Go downstairs.
  • No, you don't get any underwear until you pee on the potty once.  If you pee once, you get underwear...um, and an M&M.
  • Shit!  OMFG!!!  Do we even HAVE M&M's???
  • Oh, thank God...saved by chocolate once again.
  • Here is your fruit and your milks...watch some TV and I'll call you in 20 minutes to try to go.  
  • Remember, if you go once you get to wear big boy and big girl underwear.
  • No, you can't sit on the couch.
  • WHY?
  • No, you can't sit on my chair.
  • WHy???
  • You can sit on your lawn chairs...at least I can hose those suckers off if I need to.
It went from there.
Each child had an accident...pee only.  Matt had a Hershey squirt in his drawers, but no major shitastrophe.

Of course those accidents were on carpet and a padded fabric dining room chair...thank you very little...

Thank God...I would have puked.  I nearly puked while putting it into the toilet the one time that I had to.  I couldn't imagine cleaning it off of carpet (yes, I know it will happen, so save your snarky little comments for some other newbie)!!!

We went in increments of 20 minutes all day long...I would have them sit for 2 minutes each time.  We watched a lot of television in the morning, but I finally let them go outside around 11:15.  Then, Salvation Army came and got our stuff and they were enamored with the "big twuck."

I used a diaper for naps, but immediately got them back in underwear when they woke up.

When Husband got home, I had to rush out for some Cars and Princess stickers and new underwear as promised.  I quickly gave him instructions and trusted my gut that he'd be fine.  He didn't look as if he agreed, but I had shit to do.

By the time I got back, everything was fine.  M&M's had been handed out and everyone was happy.

I know that all of our days won't be this easy, but if this Whim and a Prayer shit keeps working for me, I'm going to keep doing it.

Question:  I need to go to spin this morning...do I send them to the Kids' Zone in a diaper?  Stop and get Pull-ups?  Or send them in underwear and hope for the best?  (Note:  I don't really think the third option is very nice, but it sure is what I'd like to do)