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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ease Up, Sista! It's Not Like Someone Peed on Your Floor...

Do you ever stress about things and complain about things and then realize that you just sound like a whiny annoying a-hole?

Seriously...I did that way too much this week.

I should be happy...what could be so bad that I need to devote an entire post to it.

Yes, the stupid people are annoying, but are they ruining my life?

Nope...

Yes, I'm stressed with a ton of stuff to do, but is that ruining my life?

Nope...

As a matter of fact, in the grand scheme of things, this week ain't half bad.

I'm getting my stuff done.

I went to the gym yesterday and the Crazies were able to stay in the Kids' Zone for over an hour with no accidents (the only accident was me not remembering to put a Pull-up on them, but a happy accident as now I know they can do it).

I got my hair cut...nothing wrong with that.

A child purposefully peed on my floor...

Cue screeching brakes...cue vinyl record scratching to a stop...

Hold up...there's a problem with that...there's a big problem with that.

Here's the scenario...
  • We're upstairs getting ready for naps.
  • The Crazies think it's fun to cover us up with blankets and "make us feel better" before naptime and bedtime.  It's actually pretty cute, but it was time for naps.
  • So, I told them they both needed to try to go potty.
  • Hailey skipped right in...that girl loves to pee.
  • Matt proceeded to slam his car against our windowsill.
  • Take One!
  • SLAM!
  • Take Two!
  • SLAM!
  • Take Three...go to timeout for ruining our house.
  • NO!
  • Yes, you cannot ruin our house.
  • I peeing!
  • Good, Hailey...thank you very much!!
  • I gotta go potty...I gotta go potty!
  • No, you need to finish your timeout.
  • I close my eyes to recover just a little bit of the Zen that I so happily achieved in this morning's yoga class.
  • Then I hear it.
  • Water on the floor.
  • It's not just a drip of water though.
  • It's like someone is pouring a glass of water on the floor.
  • Hmmm...we didn't bring any water up here.
  • OH MY GOD!!!!  He's peeing on the damn floor!
  • Eyes snap open.
  • Shocked gasp comes out of me.
  • Peeing stops.
  • Are you peeing on my floor?
  • NO!
  • Yes, you are...get in there and finish on the potty.
  • And he did...and I cleaned the floor...and I helped him get his wet pants off.
  • Then I made him go back to time out and stand in that wet spot.
  • Yes, I did.
  • No, it's not mean.
  • A few minutes later...okay, your timeout is over...come here.
  • Why were you in timeout?
  • I bammed my car.
  • Right...please stop ruining our house.  Daddy works very hard to make it look nice and when you bam things, it starts to look bad, okay?
  • Okay.
  • While you were in timeout, what happened?
  • I peed on the floor.
  • On purpose?
  • Guilty nod.
  • So, you peed on the floor of our house while you were in timeout for ruining our house, do I have that straight?
  • Guilty nod.
  • Please don't ever do that again...it's gross and we don't need our house smelling like pee.
  • Okay...I sorry.
I'll tell you...I was mad for about an hour after that.  That's right...MAD...not angry.
Peeing on the floor...on purpose???  We're in for a while ride with this one!

Anyone peed on your floor lately?