Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Monday, August 15, 2011

Catching Up On Correspondence

Dear Hailey,

I would like to publicly apologize for momentarily drowning you in the Atlantic Ocean.  I really thought we could make it over that wave.  I never thought, in a million years, that it would take us under and seriously kick our ass.  As I was desperately trying to maintain control of your slippery little body, I should also probably apologize for landing on top of you as a second wave landed on top of us.  I really meant for you to be in the air where there was oxygen rather than under the water praying for life.  I'm just hoping this is one of those things that you won't remember and that I haven't caused an unending fear of the ocean.  I'd also like to congratulate you on knowing that "that wave was NOT calm."  The fact that you kept repeating that phrase was hysterical...once I regained consciousness.

I love you, 

Mommy

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Matt,

Please stop shitting your pants during naps.  Those Pull-ups aren't cheap.

Love,

Your Tired of Cleaning Your Ass Mommy

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Husband,

Thanks for an awesome vacation...one of our best.  However, as I am trying to keep myself and our daughter from drowning, please refrain from asking "what happened?" over and over again.  I have no fucking idea what happened and the last thing I need to hear as we're both gasping for air is "I tried to warn you."
Love you, 

Wife

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Dear Condo Owners, 

I hope you can forgive me for writing the review that I did...it's just that when there is a horrifically loud noise in one of the bedrooms due to a sprinkler system directly below, I feel people should know about that.  The fact that we had to change our entire sleeping arrangement 2 days after we arrived is ridiculous.  Yes, due to lack of sleep.  Oh, and calling it a "rumbling" is like calling a hurricane a "gust of wind."  I hope this doesn't cost you money, but people should know.  Other than that, the place was great.

Sincerely, 

Us.

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Dear Preschool,

I find it seriously unfair that you're not actually starting the Crazies' school until September 12th.  I can assure you that there is no need whatsoever to ease these kids into school.  You can go ahead and start the entire group right after Labor Day.  I don't think you'll find a mother in town who will argue.

Thanks, 

Disgruntled Parent

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Dear Hair,

Sorry you were so abused during our week at the beach.  I know you were slammed by salt water, sandy winds, chlorine, and getting washed/dried/straightened every single day.  I know it was hard on you, but things will get better now...I promise.

Love,

The Owner of Your Scalp

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Now, go over and answer the question in my poll...inquiring minds want to know.