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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Memoirs of an East Coast Earthquake

Here is my rendition of what went down yesterday...

Oooh!  Matt, that's great...I'm so proud you're going poop on the potty!
Holy crap...I wanted to put them down for an early nap and he decides to take the world's longest shit...just my luck.
Well, at least he's shitting on the pot and not in his pants.
Sure, Hailey, you can bring him that catalog.
He's just like his Daddy...reading on the pot and sitting for hours for no real reason.
Yes, you're a beautiful dancer, Honey!  Yes, I love your dress.
How the hell am I going to get her recital dress away from her?  It's getting gross!
Hailey, can you calm down your dancing for a minute?  Hailey, you're dancing too hard...wait. 
Shhhh...what's that?
Is there a huge truck out there?
What the hell is that???
Oh shit...I know what that is.  Hailey, come here.
Pick Hailey up and get her to a safe place...what the fuck do I know about earthquakes?  Something about a doorway...get into a doorway!
Matt...Matt, come here...I need you here.  I'll wipe you in a minute.
Because I said so!  GET OVER HERE!!!
Holy shit...this is long.
What just fell upstairs?
What else will fall?
The doorway at the top of the basement stairs probably isn't the safest doorway in the house...Mom Fail.
Dammit...I just put all of our wedding glassware in the china cabinet!  DAMMIT!!!
Where's Brie?
Shit...family dog lost in random earthquake.
It's alright...we're alright...just stay right here.  It's almost over.
It's almost over, right?  It's gotta end sometime.
Great...he finally poops on the potty and it causes an earthquake...no permanent scarring there!
This is so weird, right?  We're okay...you're scared?  Don't be scared...I have you.
Damn...I'm kind of scared.
Okay, I think it's over.  Yup...all done.
It was an earthquake.
An earthquake is when the earth moves.
Because sometimes the earth shakes a lot.
Because it just does.
How the hell do you explain an earthquake to two 3-year olds??
Okay, let's wipe your tush.
Yes, we're okay.
It might happen again, but not as bad...I promise.
Yes, I know you were scared.
We're okay now.
Okay, grab your pals...let's go up for naps.
Business as usual, right, Mom?  Gotta get back on track so they don't need meteorological therapy as adults.
Business as usual...earthquake on the East Coast...didn't see this coming today!

What was your experience like?