Hailey got some sort of virus over the weekend which really only involved a fever that we couldn't get rid of. There weren't any other symptoms...until today.
We were Skyping with GG over lunch and the Crazies got down. As we were finishing our conversation, I hear this panicked screaming from Hailey.
Noises like this are not uncommon in our house, so I casually walked around the corner to find her on the toilet.
She's freaking out because she was having her first bout with diarrhea and had no idea what was happening to her body. She kept crying about having an accident and that her "butt was peeing." I felt so bad for her, but it was still kind of funny.
I got off of Skype with GG really quickly and went to clean her up. She started to get herself under control and said, "dat was NOT a good idea...I don't wanna do dat again!"
Yeah...I don't blame you, kiddo.
And that's typically how viruses end in our house...lovely, right?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daddy was on Matt's bath duty last night and Matt suddenly had to get out to poop.
Daddy swoops him out, wraps him up, and lets him start his business.
Matt screams out (yes, screams like Daddy isn't 1.5 feet away) "I'M DONE!!!!"
Daddy starts to clean Matt up and I overhear him saying, "Mommy does this much better. Mommy wipes my tush much much better than you."
I can only take that as a compliment, right?
I'm the world's best ass wiper.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one happened a few weeks ago in a Tarjay restroom.
Hailey had to pee and, luckily, so did I...lucky me, lucky me, lucky me (I try to remind myself of how lucky I am when something terribly embarrassing happens to me).
We were in the stall...she went first.
Then it was her turn to watch.
When I sat down to go, I quickly realized that I had started spotting (with Mirena, you don't actually get a period which is heavenly, but you do spot every now and then which is annoying). She takes one look at my undies and starts saying, "Mama...is dat POOP? Do you have poop in there? Why is dere poop in dere?"
I quietly try to explain that it's not poop, but to no avail. It's out there in a very echo-y restroom. Apparently this sweet little girl's mother has poop in her underwear and didn't even deny it...lovely.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news:
- I figured out how to make buffalo chicken tenders and they are freaking awesome. I want to buffalo everything.
- Buffalo is now a verb.
- I am halting my use of microwave bagged popcorn and doing it in brown paper bags instead.
- I ate wings during the Giants' game Sunday night and they won again. Guess what I'll be having during the Superbowl.
- I sent Hailey to school today b/c she was fever free and was horrified when the diarrhea incident occurred. I am a rule follower and would not have sent her if this happened in the morning.
- I can't spell diarrhea. I had to copy and paste it every single time while writing this post.
- I wouldn't call #6 a short-coming.
15 comments:
you're right, i enjoyed your poop post. my own little story is that there is a woman in our building who poops in the public bathroom every day and sprays it all over the back of the toilet. how does that happen? and how does she think it's okay to leave it there? and what's wrong with her that this is a daily occurrence? i'm about to leave a business card for a GI doctor in there for her...you know, kinda like how some places leave cards about help for domestic violence.
i love that you wipe the best! Love it :)
Poor Hailey - it freaks me out and I'm many years older.
Also the popcorn in brown bags is awesome - you may never go back. I'm just warning you :)
Poopalicious blog today, daughter dear, Queen Ass Wiper!
World's best ass wiper. There's one for your resume! :)
I can't spell that word either. See? I'm not even attempting it!
The girls have never commented on anything monthly-related...I do my best to shield them. It's definitely a conversation for one day (unlike my mom, who never said a word, ever!)...but I don't want to freak out my three-year olds! ;)
And there is much resume material here! Expert ass-wiper, can't spell diarrhea...there's definitely something there! (Why did I spell that correctly the first time???) :/
Buffalo recipe. NOW.
Oh my. Poor Hailey, but yes, too funny.
I love your kids. I wish we could have play dates. They'd have so much fun!!
Last month I was peeing and had my usual audience and had to change my pad....there wasn't much on it thank goodness....but they still wanted to know why I got a sticker in my underwear and they don't. I was laughing so hard - especially because that's what they were calling it on The League, if you've ever watched that.
World's Best Ass Wiper...wow! That's impressive, if I do say so myself! Nice to know that your skills are appreciated by your kids, right?
A friend told me awhile ago about popping popcorn in the micro in a brown bag. Couldn't believe I never knew about it before that! Super easy and really healthy (until I dump an entire stick of butter and a cup of salt on the popcorn, that is).
1. how do you pop in a brown paper bag? just transfer the kernels over? i'm dumb, apparently!
2. i feel so weird that i needed IVF, but have an IUD now!
3. i LOVE that you're the best ass-wiper! you need to add it to your CV. I'd put it front and center!
How exactly do you explain a "peeing" butt to a toddler? Craziness! Emma has a fever today and all I can think is that it's going to end the same for me! Ahhhh! All the preschool moms are going to LOVE you!
The girls have seen Aunt Flo and always offer me band aids, for my boo-boo. DH finds this infinitely hilarious.
Brandon has so far only had one bout with diarrhea, but it started when we were out to eat and he was newly potty-trained. I was glad he made it to the restroom each time! He asked "Mommy, why am I peeing out of my butt?"
I keep him out of the bathroom with me now at certain times of the month. Once he did see something and asked "Is your butt bleeding?" I said I had scratched it on something but it would be OK.
Got to try the brown paper bag popcorn. Probably much cheaper than the microwave bags.
I know I shouldn't be laughing at any of this, but I am laughing at ALL of it.
Hailey's reaction is hysterical, but poor thing. How is she feeling today?
I must know more about #1 and 2, please.
I feel the need to make you an award for being the Best Ass Wiper. Put that on your resume if you go back to work!
Poor Hailey - I can just picture her freaking out!
I had a similar incident like yours in the public restroom. Nice, huH?
poor Hailey :/
omg also, Gianna is the same way in the bathroom - or dressing rooms - or whatever, she usually says things like "i like your pink underwear, mommy"
Post a Comment