So, since GG was here yesterday and I didn't feel like dragging her into my "kick your ass so hard that you can't sit on the toilet normally until Thursday" class, I skipped the gym.
I decided (well, Husband suggested, but whatever) to go today and have my own little work out using moves that I learned in my "if you had balls, they'd crawl back up inside your body" class.
So, I did.
You see, for the past few months, I've been sticking to classes. I will occasionally go into the weight areas and work the machines for my knee, but classes have been my thing lately.
I realized why today...they keep me away from the general public.
So, here are my rants for today:
- If you're working with a personal trainer, please don't complain that "you still hurt from the other day" or "that exercise is hard." You're working with a personal trainer, so you're lucky. You're working with a personal trainer because you want results. If you didn't get results, you'd be pissed, so quit your bitching and lift your damn 5 pound weights over your oddly shaped head.
- If you're a dude under the age of 50, don't wear a polo shirt while you work out. It's just weird.
- If you have to hurl your weights up off of the floor, they're too heavy. Switch weights.
- Stop talking and work out. Yes, the gym can be a social place, but just get the fuck out of my way, get off the machine I want to use, and basically stop annoying me.
- Don't give me a dirty look for using the bench right next to where you are on the floor. If you don't like my proximity, move your damn mats, but I am NOT going to lift up this 500 pound bench and move it so that you're comfortable...I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT!!!
- Please don't be self-conscious. If you're overweight and working out, I give you all the credit in the world. After all, when I was pregnant with the Crazies I realized how difficult it was to move around with all of that extra weight. It sucks. Don't think that everyone is looking at your though...you rock just for being here. You know what they say...you're lapping everyone on the couch, so don't give up. Just don't think I'm staring at you...I'm not.
- Please arrange your nipples accordingly...this one goes out mostly to the ladies b/c of our thin material and our shelf bras, but seriously...crooked nipples just freak me out.
- If you're going to have a kick ass workout, please don't come home and eat 1/4 pound of salami...it's gross (this one is just for me...in my defense, I did have some crackers with it...I'm not completely uncivilized)!
That's all for now.
13 comments:
Oh my, My "Crazies," Michael and Stella, who just turned 5 recently pounded through a dozen cupcakes. I was feeling crappy and depressed in bed, and daddy was watching them. He said, "Oops, I didn't notice."
I don't think I could ever drag my buns to classes or a gym. I do Pilates at home and I walk almost every day. As you know, with twins, we need a break sometimes and I use my walk to just have some peace. I'm not really in it to get in shape, but my tones legs are a big plus.
http://checkyourselfbeforeyou.blogspot.com/
Oh how I love Salami! I'm such a kid and I fold it up into flowers and shapes. LOL!
I don't do the gym, and I know I should, but all those people are just too much for me. The sweat, the smell, and all the germs are enough of a turn off but the people, DEAR GAWD! So kudos to you for putting up with big crazies!
I have never been a "gym" person much. The only exception is raquetball...and I would usually go there just for that, and then head out. [And I sure do miss that! Looking forward to the girls being a bit older so I can get back into that with Hubby, I hope.]
Still, I can totally see the people you're talking about in my head...and at least appreciate the visual hilarity. :)
I'm #6 - I'm so self conscious at the gym. It doesn't help that it is surrounded with male soldiers.
I only go to one class a week and do everything on my own. I tend to follow the CrossFit workouts.
Hehe. I've had crooked nipples before and I thought it was HILARIOUS when I saw them the first time. Now I make sure to arrange things properly!
Excellent! I prefer classes too but it's been a while . . . I promise to arrange my nipples next time and never let E wear a polo shirt. Such a funny girl. Always!
Yes to all of these, especially the talking one. Stop talking. Workout. Or if you're going to talk, get off the machine so I can get on. Thanks.
12 new posts since i've last opened my reader? holy shitballs.
and wtf with the nipples? why don't people just adjust? i'm a total freak about that.
and don't you work out so you CAN come home and eat salami?? come on!
There was some lady at the gym 2 weeks ago, on the elliptical. in jeans. Plus she kept screwing with the remote so she could get to her "Say Yes to the Dress. Big Bliss" that she said is WHY she comes to the gym at this time - just so she can watch that show. Umm...that's the only time I'm ever at the gym and I've never seen her there before. Then there was the volume wars on the tvs...seriously?
I didn't make it to the gym at all last week due to meetings and IEPs (ugh!) but NEED to get on the treadmill seriously as I'm planning to run a 4 mile St. Patricks day run...help!
This is exactly why I dropped the gym membership, got a treadmill, and a bunch of workout DVDs. Gyms are nasty places full of grossness. And I'm not even a real germ-o-phobe!
And crooked nips totally freak me out. Caught myself once in a sports bra with them once and had to adjust immediately. How does that even happen??
Bahahaha...crooked nipples! YES. Darn sports bras!
I think I just read tomorrow's post (?) in Google Reader...it's awesome. : )
The crooked nips are a major problem. This is solid advice, girls!
When I used to go to the gym I always said I could write a sitcom about the weirdos there.
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