Sometimes when I drop the Crazies off at preschool, I peek in to see how they interact with other students. Do they go right to playing? Do they have friends that they talk to? How are they doing when I'm not around?
I'm convinced that parents all over are asking that last question day in and day out.
Anyway, I noticed that after Hailey put her bag in her cubby, she immediately went over to her friend M. M had had head in her hands and looked very dejected. As I was standing there, willing her to take her fleece off before she checked in with her friend, I realized that I was completely wrong. Of course the right thing to do was to check on her friend...not worry about disrobing right at that moment.
M has a little bit of a dramatic streak, but then again, so does Hailey. Maybe it's why they're so attracted to their friendship.
Over lunch, I asked Hailey what happened...here is our conversation:
Me: Hailey, I saw you talking to M this morning. Was she upset?
Hailey: Ummm...yeah. She was sad.
Me: Oh really? That was nice of you to see if she was okay. What was she sad about?
Hailey: Well, C said she wasn't M's best friend anymore and M was very sad.
Me: C said that? That doesn't seem very nice.
Hailey: Nope. That's not nice at all. C's still my friend though. She gave me a big hug on the playground. Oh, and I helped M feel better.
Me: Okay...what happened with C and M as the day went on?
Hailey: Well, M told me that C was a bully.
Me: Do you think C is a bully? (at this point, I'm incredulous that Hailey would even know what a bully was, but I was going with it)
Hailey: I don't. I think they're both nice. They're both my friends.
Me: How did this all end up? Are you all friends now?
Hailey: Uh-huh. And dat was all.
They're FOUR!!! How the hell do things like this happen in a group of 4-year olds??
Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I have a horrible memory (that's actually true), but I don't remember having problems like this when I was four. Fourth grade, maybe, but not at 4-years old.
Then I get into "Mom mode" and want to tell Hailey to find other friends because we all know what happens to the third friend in a group of three...eventually the first two always find their way back to each other. I also briefly considered emailing C's mother...WTF was I thinking???? I must have been low on oxygen during that little time in my day. I also considered talking to the Crazies about bullying, but it's not really appropriate. Granted, Matt has a kid who "annoys" him and he doesn't want to play with, but I don't know if kids should be introduced to the concept of bullying at such a young age.
Anyone else have an experience like this? I'd love to know what you did about it.
Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!
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6 comments:
When it comes to bullies I do like to mention the book "The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander". It's a book about how everyone is slightly wrong in the case of bullying and how everyone has the power to change things and how everyone is a victim. It's a circular cycle that really has no beginning or end.
I really did like the book BUT it reads like a text. I felt like I was in college studying for an exam while reading the book. I would love to buy it (I had only checked it out from the library)
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bully-the-bullied-and-the-bystander-barbara-coloroso/1102381166
I had hit send way too quickly.
Unfortunately my son had a similar experience with a bully in his 4K class. He came home more than once telling me that Z was playing with N and wouldn't let him come play with them. I did mention it to his teachers during a conference to discuss his assessments to see if they had seen it too, but didn't think too much of it. I knew that Z was zoned for a different public school so we'd just wait it out if it were true.
A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking with N's mom who is a friend of mine, and mentioned it. She said that several times N had come home from school really sad and said that Z had told him he couldn't play with Brandon that day. At that point we both felt bad that we hadn't done anything to stop it. I might say something to the other mom because it would be easier to teach them to stop this behavior while they are still so young before it escalates.
I'll refer you back to your earlier post on Honesty and Bullying (which you got exactly right, by the way)... And will then tell you that you need to repack your stuff because you, me, the kids, dogs and husbands are moving to another planet where we can create our own freakin' normal society. This is RIDICULOUS!
You're right (can I say that again?). They are four. Fourth grade, yes. Four, no.
Then again, girls are getting their periods at the age of 10 now days because society/environment/whatever is making them grow up too fast. (don't get me started on this! I saw a news report recently about the hormonal and physiological shifts in young girls which was startling!)
Another planet, I say! Onward and upwards.
I think it did happen when we were younger, but it just rolled off us- the quick I'm not your friend today thing... forgotten by snacktime.
Still, it's awful.
I don't know if it happened as early with us, I truly believe kids are experiencing things sooner for a variety of reasons.
There is a girl in A's class that I believe is a "mean girl" and I have been trying to convince her to play with other kids. But, she keeps going back to her. Sigh.
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