UPS delivers a box on a random Tuesday.
Of course it was an Christmas present ordered early because we're extra prepared and shit (gansta talk...holla).
I close the door and they're right at my heels asking what's in the box.
They see that it's addressed to me and ask me what it is.
The following conversation ensues:
M: What's in the box?
Me: Nothing...get out of the way.
H: Can we see?
M: Whose name is on the box?
Me: Mine...excuse me.
H: Where are you taking your box?
M: What's in the box?
H: Can we see?
Me: Okay guys...this is Mommy's box and it's private, so you'll have to excuse me while I bring it up to my room.
M (incredulously): It's private?
***extended pause while they process***
H: Is it a new vagina?
M: No, it's a new penis!
H: No, it's a Honey!*
M: No, it's POOP!
H: No, it's butt, poop, poopy, vagina, honey.
M: Bahahahaaaaaa...POOP!!! PENIS!!!
Me: Get out of my WAY!!!
Yes, this really happened.
No, I didn't get a new vagina or penis.
It was fucking Legos...the bane of my existence.
My Crazies are demented and incredible literal and it's only Tuesday.
* H calls her private area her honey. A honey includes a vagina, a taint, and a butt.
Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!
People I Love...follow along if you're so inclined!
8 comments:
O.M.G. This was a million times funnier than your Facebook post, which I just read to jeff about 12 seconds ago. I freaking love your kids!
Thank you for the chocolate milk dripping from my nose.
In our house it's a cha-cha, but both pee and poop come from butts apparently. Good times!
OMG, so funny!!
Maybe it's a good thing I live far away from my grandchildren - my laughing hysterically at a conversation like that while their mother, my daughter, tries to maintain her sense of decorum might just upset their familial harmony. I just can't seem to stop snorting and giggling with tears dripping here on LI - then again, I never thought about calling private parts "honey" (teeheehee)
Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh! Bayla alternates between having two vaginas--a front vagina and a back vagina (her butt) and two butts (front and back). Go figure. I guess that part of the anatomy is confusing to them, maybe because they can't see it? Should I give her a hand mirror (and now this is going to an uncomfortable place...)?
oh.my.gosh! too funny!! This makes me very glad my husband works from home and our kids are at school all day so that they aren't here whenever any packages arrive. :-)
Oh, my...heeee-larious! I love the association between "private" and private parts. I've gotta watch out for that one. Hahahaha!
Don't lie - you are buying new vaginas all the time.
Post a Comment