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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Terrible Tuesday (the craptastic edition)

Hailey got some sort of virus over the weekend which really only involved a fever that we couldn't get rid of.  There weren't any other symptoms...until today.

We were Skyping with GG over lunch and the Crazies got down.  As we were finishing our conversation, I hear this panicked screaming from Hailey.

Noises like this are not uncommon in our house, so I casually walked around the corner to find her on the toilet.

She's freaking out because she was having her first bout with diarrhea and had no idea what was happening to her body.  She kept crying about having an accident and that her "butt was peeing."  I felt so bad for her, but it was still kind of funny.

I got off of Skype with GG really quickly and went to clean her up.  She started to get herself under control and said, "dat was NOT a good idea...I don't wanna do dat again!"

Yeah...I don't blame you, kiddo.

And that's typically how viruses end in our house...lovely, right?

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Daddy was on Matt's bath duty last night and Matt suddenly had to get out to poop.

Daddy swoops him out, wraps him up, and lets him start his business.

Matt screams out (yes, screams like Daddy isn't 1.5 feet away) "I'M DONE!!!!"

Daddy starts to clean Matt up and I overhear him saying, "Mommy does this much better.  Mommy wipes my tush much much better than you."

I can only take that as a compliment, right?

I'm the world's best ass wiper.

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This one happened a few weeks ago in a Tarjay restroom.
Hailey had to pee and, luckily, so did I...lucky me, lucky me, lucky me (I try to remind myself of how lucky I am when something terribly embarrassing happens to me).

We were in the stall...she went first.

Then it was her turn to watch.

When I sat down to go, I quickly realized that I had started spotting (with Mirena, you don't actually get a period which is heavenly, but you do spot every now and then which is annoying).  She takes one look at my undies and starts saying, "Mama...is dat POOP?  Do you have poop in there?  Why is dere poop in dere?"

I quietly try to explain that it's not poop, but to no avail.  It's out there in a very echo-y restroom.  Apparently this sweet little girl's mother has poop in her underwear and didn't even deny it...lovely.

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 In other news:

  1. I figured out how to make buffalo chicken tenders and they are freaking awesome.  I want to buffalo everything.
  2. Buffalo is now a verb.
  3. I am halting my use of microwave bagged popcorn and doing it in brown paper bags instead.
  4. I ate wings during the Giants' game Sunday night and they won again.  Guess what I'll be having during the Superbowl.
  5. I sent Hailey to school today b/c she was fever free and was horrified when the diarrhea incident occurred.  I am a rule follower and would not have sent her if this happened in the morning.
  6. I can't spell diarrhea.  I had to copy and paste it every single time while writing this post.
  7. I wouldn't call #6 a short-coming.