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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Terrible Tuesday

After our weekend of The Sick, Matt and Husband were still out of commission.  

I'll be damned though if I was going to let Hailey languish around the house anymore...Little Miss was going to school on Monday come Hell or highwater.

What does that even mean?  Like I'm going to burn up or drown in a flood getting her to school?  I'm officially never using that stupid phrase again.

Sorry, God...I'm pretty sure that phrase has something to do with you, so no offense, okay?

Anyway, Hailey gets all ready, barely eats breakfast, and wears her "pink boots to match my beautiful pink dress."

Good times.

We're in the car.

We're at school.

Everyone is wary of me b/c I've given sporadic updates on what seems to be my untimely death over the weekend.

I assure everyone who cares that I'm not dead (yet) and we're coming out on the other side of The Sick.

They look relieved, but still keep a reasonable distance.

Germs jump, ya know...

I get back in the car, stop by Hellmart for some staples (index cards, Gatorade, Cheerios, cards, and saline in case you're wondering what our "staples" are).

I figure that since I've been out of commission, it would be a good time (i.e. no kids) to go to the bank and deposit my tutoring checks.  I take one look at the drive-thru and quickly decide that three cars is way too long for my precious little ass to wait for, so I drive around to the walk-up.

Something made me check out the check numbers and verify the amounts.  I NEVER do this, but I'm glad I did on this day.

I happily deposit my checks, but something catches my attention...something isn't quite right...I ask for my receipt with check images and realize that it only took one of my two checks...GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!!!!

Now I gotta go inside and have real human contact...suckfest.

Park car.

Walk inside.

Get slammed by impossibly small door opening.

Ask woman at counter if she can help me.

She can't, but maybe someone else can.

Oh happy day.

Yes, Melinda can help me.

"Hi...what seems to be the problem today."
"Ummm...I put two checks into the ATM, but only one went through."
"Ohhhhh, right.  That's because you can only deposit one at a time in that ATM machine."
"Oh.  I usually use the drive-thru where you can do more than one.  Is there a sign or something?"
"Yes.  When you put the checks in, it tells you that you can only do one." the precise moment that I put them both convenient.  Apparently I need a little dwarf to jump out, grab my arm, and tell me to only deposit one check.  THAT would be full service banking, huh?
"Okay, so what do we need to do?"
And by "we," I mean "you."
"I need to make a call and get this all worked out for you.  They may need to speak with you directly."
"That's fine."
"What was the check number and amount?  I'll call this in right away."
I am seriously watch this girl who has worked her way up to an office bank job press 1 for English, 2 for Customer Service, 0 to speak with an operator,'d think they would have a direct line for her.  Isn't she special enough to be put right through?  She works for the damn company!  She's one of your own!!!
"Do you have your ID?  Oh, and do you have your ATM card?"
Ummm...if I just had an issue at the ATM, you'd assume I would have my ATM card, right?  Maybe it's just me that takes these little truths as assumptions.
"I notice you don't have a savings account with us."
"That's right."
"Yes, blah, blah blah...listen to her explain the situation to some random dude on the phone and then hand it to me so I can explain the situation all over again."
"Yes I have deposited checks from this woman before.  Yes, in that amount.  Why do I have to give you my address?  Don't you have that on record?  Oh, you're just verifying...okay.  Yes.  Yes.  By tomorrow.  Okay.  Thanks."
"I'm glad we could get that all straightened out for you.  Do you have a moment to stay and discuss options for you account?"
"I have to be honest.  I wasn't even coming inside this building today until this happened.  I have two sick kids at home and this isn't really a good time.  Can we discuss my options another time?"
That sounded bitchy, but when it came out of my mouth, it wasn't that bad...I swear.  WHAT?  I SWEAR!!!
Oh, and yes, I may have fibbed and said "two sick kids," but Husband qualifies, right?
"Oh sure...I completely understand."
"Thanks for all your help and you may want to wipe down your phone...The Sick is not to be messed with."
"Bye!  Have a nice day!"
I'm pretty sure she meant "get the fuck outta here, Sick-lady!"

So, there was that.  That was pretty terrible.  Not Hell or highwater terrible, but sucky enough, right?

Then, when I grabbed the little morsel that Mr. UPS dropped for me today, I realized it was my watch (had to return Husband's watch b/c I wanted a different one.  Different one was missing a stone and had to be reordered b/c they didn't have it in stock...blah, blah, blah).  I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY BECAUSE SOMETHING NEW AND SPARKLY AND SHINY WAS ENTERING THE HOUSE OF SICK!!!!

Then I opened the box.  

And it was someone else's watch.

And it was half the cost of mine.

And not sparkly at all.

And now I have to deal with yet ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!

So, I spent that half hour on the phone with Macy's telling her how she wasn't going to get my watch back from that dude b/c it was much nicer than the one he ordered and how he was probably psyched when he opened my watch.

She told me that they charge for the higher priced item if they don't return it...bastards.  Imagine if the dude gave it to his girlfriend for Valentine's Day present thinking he got away with something?  That would be awesome.  

So, that was my Terrible Tuesday (even though it happened on a Monday...whaddya think?  I'm going to rush right home and publish a blog post on it?  Geez...who do you think I am?  I'll write the post, but publish the next day b/c Tuesdays are typically boring for me and not terrible at all).

Anything Terrible (or Terrific) happen to you today?

Oh, and Matt is better and going to school and Husband is back at work.  Looks like I got it worst of all...fml.