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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Twisted Things the Crazies Say on a Tuesday

UPS delivers a box on a random Tuesday.

Of course it was an Christmas present ordered early because we're extra prepared and shit (gansta talk...holla).

I close the door and they're right at my heels asking what's in the box.

They see that it's addressed to me and ask me what it is.

The following conversation ensues:

M:  What's in the box?
Me:  Nothing...get out of the way.
H:  Can we see?
M:  Whose name is on the box?
Me:  Mine...excuse me.

H:  Where are you taking your box?
M:  What's in the box?

H:  Can we see?
Me:  Okay guys...this is Mommy's box and it's private, so you'll have to excuse me while I bring it up to my room.
M (incredulously):  It's private?
***extended pause while they process***
H:  Is it a new vagina?
M:  No, it's a new penis!

H:  No, it's a Honey!*
M:  No, it's POOP!
H:  No, it's butt, poop, poopy, vagina, honey.
M:  Bahahahaaaaaa...POOP!!!  PENIS!!!
Me:  Get out of my WAY!!!

Yes, this really happened.

No, I didn't get a new vagina or penis.

It was fucking Legos...the bane of my existence.

My Crazies are demented and incredible literal and it's only Tuesday.

*  H calls her private area her honey.  A honey includes a vagina, a taint, and a butt.